My 8th anniversary with my husband approaches and he wants us to go away together. I took my wedding rings off 6 months ago. I don't want them back, and I feel he will try to give them back on our trip. I am very close to "coming" out to him, or at least letting him know I am not in the same space with him. I told him 6 months ago I didn't love him anymore. He begged me to stay and work on things. Really no work has been done! Everything is just static. We live together, there is no intimacy-which is absolutely fine with me! The day he does try with me I wont know what to do, because the idea is revolting to me now.
It is so painful the idea of breaking his heart near our anniversary, but I cannot let this carry on!
I feel I need to take a chance and tell him. He is aware I like girls, but thinks its just sex or that I'm bi. Technically because I am married to a man I guess I am, but inside I prefer to be with a woman, only want to be with a woman-head, heart and soul!!!
Taking a deep breath!
Januarywine Januarywine
51-55, F
2 Responses Sep 13, 2012

So. The anniversary and trip went ok. We talked some, and I did remind him that I want to be with a woman. He did not give me the rings back and there was no "action". So overall just easy goin. Saw a lot of family. My older sister spoke with me and is encouraging to stay with him, ride it out. What's the harm. I'm not out to her, but I did emphasize that wears different places and I desire to be me! What I come back with is, I'm still stuck and it would destroy my family. My husband actually seemed ok if I had an occasional girlfriend, but I think it's basically a turn on to him, so he's till doesn't get it. God, I'm still just spinning around!

Well I just went away for my 25th anniversary. It was sweet and nice and loving. . . .as much is it can be with a friend. We walked holding hands and it made me feel guilty that I didnt want to hold his as much as he wanted to hold mine. Maybe if I'd left him a few years ago when I tried, he'd be holding hands with someone who wanted to hold his , who wanted to stop walking for a sweet kiss, who wanted to go back to the b&b to make love. But I instead he was there with me.
Maybe this group should be called "I am anultimate procrastinator"
On one hand you want him to have a nice anniversary , on the other hand you dont want him having it with someone whose pretending.