I Thought We Had It All Figured Out....

So if you have followed my previous stories... My girlfriend and I did work things out and decide to be together after I had done the unthinkable and slept wih my husband. Some things have chaned since then and some things have stayed the same.
I am still living in the same house with my husband. I told him a while ago that I plan to move out after kids are done with the school year. I want them to be able to make sure they stay at the same school for this year. We started talking about a dissolution. Then a couple weeks ago he came to me and told me he had never fallen out of love with me, that he wanted to try, that he wanted me back. I felt bad, but I told him we can't give eachother what we need. He went away with a "friend" for a week and swore to everyone it was only platonic. Then he outed me to his whole family. He started yelling and screaming at me, told me he was going to have me removed from the house if i dont quit seeing her and work this out.Told me that the he knows the judges where we live and they are conservative.... I won't get my kids. My daughter overheard, she is 11, she asked him if I had made a decision to stay or go. He told her I had chosen my girlfriend..... She had no idea what was going on.
On a side note I have told my ├╝ber religious mother what's really going on in my life. Her response is to act as if this is a phase. She told me that she thinks I am doing this because I have been hurt by too many guys... I couldn't possibly be a lesbian. what would that do to my soul!!!! she keeps praying that I will work things out with my husband. Recently my mother in law and my mother got into a fight about me. That's only fueled the fire... of what a awful person I must be.... per my husband. My mother told my father.... Apparently the only response be had was "why am I not surprised."
I found out my brothers both know. But they don't talk about it with me... Just behind my back.
My sister finally met my gifriend and they hit it off well... except I think my sisters boyfriend is very uncomfortable with the situation.
and on to my girlfriend...
Oh the complications of this situation have worn on us both. but she is allowing her insecurities drive me away.
She and I had met through work and recently she changed jobs to prevent any retaliation from our employer...so we haven't seen one another very much. Our schedules just don't match. She says she is tired of "sharing" me bc I go home to my husband. she has been taking it out on me. picking fights. It's culminated to last night her slamming the door in my face and telling me to tell my husband hello.... After she took my keys to the apartment. this happened bc I told her I wasn't staying the night bc my child is sick, my 3 year old. she asked why I bothered to even come... I said because I missed her. I wanted to touch her, hold her, see her.i needed her. I thought she needed me too. But I feel to guilty stayig away from my kids when they are sick. She said that I was only going home for him(hubby). And while I do try to not stay out to much to avoid the screaming matches... I really was going home bc of my little girl.
I got home she had called 52 times. she said she was sorry. I said this isn't the first time u have made me feel guilty about my kids. I can't let u do that to me... She said she didn't believe me, she doesn't trust me. I don't know what to do. I am just tryig to breathe and decompress... And try to sort out what I feel... Cause right now I have no idea what I feel... Except numb. I feel shut down and disconnected. shocked.... I don't know...
fsofu fsofu
4 Responses Dec 4, 2012

You are in my circle, but somehow I've missed :most of your stories. I've just read through them and I literally wanted to give you a hug. I know everyone always ' sends hugs' to show they care. But I literally felt a need to hug you. I think for two reasons. First,; that I knew so well what you've gone through. And secondly because your description of your feelings so perfectly put into words exactly what I've also gone though. I just felt such a profound understanding of because I've felt it too. I don't know if I could be any comfort to you, I haven't really gotten it all figured out, but I SO get it. My ex even had a hard time with jealously towards my kids. I hope we can talk.

I really admire your courage to tell your true feelings. I am a weak person and.i.just can't say how I feel. Maybe you should take a break from your husband and your gf so you can sort out your

I am a lesbian. I was married for two years and left my husband when I was pregnant. I could no longer be someone I was not. I have been with my girlfriend for 23 years now. All I can say is get yourself out of the drama even if the kids stay with their dad for sometime. You need to be able to de-stress and have a clear mind to deal with this man.. take care of yourself. If your girlfriend truly loves you, she will be there for support through this difficult time.

Wow your story sounds similar to mine a year and a half ago. Except my gf was very patient and supportive and trusted me completely when it came to waiting for my now ex husband to move out. She has kids too so I think that actually helps, she understands that kids have to come first a lot of the times. Does your gf have kids? My mom isn't super religious but my ex mother in law is. My mom initially thought it was a phase too...since then my family has slowly come around. As far as my ex's family....well that's another story.

My girlfriend doesn't have kids, so it is difficult for her to truly get it. She wants to have a baby, in the future. I have 4 kids. I am just tryi to keep peace between my husband and I as much as possible. I wish we could have some sort of friendship someday and he find someone who can give him what he wants. I don't feel capable anymore, obviously. I am curious if I may... How is ur relationship with your ex? how did your/her kids handle the situation... Or do they know? How old are they? My kids don't know yet... I think they are the ones I most terrified of telling. I don't want to break their hearts....
I know that if for some reason she and I really split that I would stay married for the kids.i honestly don't know that I could ever "be" with him again though. So I don't think long run it would work... It would t be fair to him.... I am trying to sort out myself... And just wonder about those who have traveled this path before me...

My kids are fine, now. What was hard for them was my ex and I getting a divorce. But that is hard for any kid. Fortunately my ex and I agreed to keep what was between us, between us, and not drag our kids into the middle of it. Because we did that and continued to work together as their parents they have adjusted quite well. My ex and I get a long but have our moments. My daughter is almost 13 and she said something to me recently that really made it clear that I made the right decision to leave him. She told me that I was not snappy anymore, like I was when my ex was living there. I had no idea that my unhappiness carried over to my kids in that way or that I was taking it out on them in anyway. Even tho my son is 9 and kind of oblivious to everything, he too has noticed. I used to be so inpatient and snappy with them, now I'm more relaxed. As far as how my kids handle my relationship with my gf....my daughter figured it out first and she was fine with it. Since then I have come to realize that the kids now are VERY open minded and don't seem to care about being gay, bi or anything else for that matter. At least where I live, I can't say what it would be like if it were a small town or something. I only just recently had a conversation with my 9 year old about my relationship with my gf and what that meant to him. In a way he was already aware, but he didn't really care. They see that I am happy, and really that is all that matters to them. My gf's kids already knew she was gay, and our kids are about the same age so they all get a long. It's a long story how we met and got together but I've known her for about 5 years. My reasons for leaving my ex wasn't just because I wanted to be with my gf. My ex and I were married for 13 years and it was about 6 years too long. There were so many different things wrong between us and our marriage was such a reck I sometimes look back and wish I had left him 6 years before that because I felt like it would have been easier. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that in my opinion, to stay in a marriage just because of the kids isn't going to make a good marriage. Kids are resilient, they will be ok. Will it affect them? Yes, but will it affect them for you to stay and visibly be unhappy and hear the fights? Yes...Kids just want to see their parents happy, when their parents are happy then their worlds are ok.