This Can't Be My Life

I've been married to my husband for 21 years. I didn't come to realize my feelings for women until after we were married. My family is religious and I was brought up to believe that the feelings I had were wrong to have, so I dismissed them not knowing any better. Now I realize, I've had feelings for women and have been attracted to them my whole life. If I left my husband and came out, I would lose everything and everyone in my life...that's just the way they are. So I suffer in silence and die a little more each day. I long to fall asleep every night in the arms of a beautiful soft woman and be in love with her and her with me.
Jbear44 Jbear44
41-45, F
4 Responses Dec 12, 2012

that is exactly how I feel. what were we to do when we were told that it was wrong and we tried to do the right thing by god and our families? I am so thankful to have stumbled upon this place because I have been thinking i was alone for years now... even though I am in love with my friend and dream of her every night and my heart aches, there is a little solace knowing that there are other wonderful women going through the same thing. what a comfort to know one is not alone...

He couldn't keep your son from you. It's sick that he controls you like that. I have a story up called "A Night To Remember". As wonderful as my husband is, he feels no guilt for that night. The other day I wondered; if someday our daughter told him she was in this situation, what would he want her to do?

Does your husband know anything about your feelings?

Yes, he does, and he knows I'm unhappy. He knows how my family is & uses that to make sure I stay with him. When I say I would lose everyone, that includes my son. He's threatened me with that before.

I hear your longing for 'a beautiful soft woman' and for love
I hear your love and responsibility to family and friends
And you stand to lose things and people if you are true to your newly-accepted natural desires.

What choice will lead you to a place of having more to give ?
If you are fulfilled in your natural desires and partner relationships, will you have more to give to friends and family (regardless of whether they wish to receive) ? For all friends and family to back away, some may not, and you will find others.

There is a world where people are free to love naturally and from the truth in their souls. It grows with each person who chooses to become a member of that world.

If you think you don't have the courage or strength to bear the hard times and shunning that comes before creating a new life from parts of the old and what comes to you, then you need time and inspiration from others who have made your choice...for better or for worse..to learn what and what not to do.


This form of action may ease the feeling of being unfulfilled, as you would be working toward a solution, and fear may slowly dissolve ?

The best of Love to you !