Married But Living With A Girl

I am christian. A 46 year old mother to 18 year old son, 16 year old daughter. Im am in a realtionship with a beautiful young woman who is 24, and she recently came out. Here is my story, I hope to receive some advice and hear some opinions.
I dont know if I am gay, but let me tell you how it started. I have been married to a very good man for 24 years. He is a good father, and we always got along very well. We have seperated 3 times throughout our marriage, as our intimacy hasnt been what it should. We hadnt slept together for a year when this young woman came into my life. My kids met her, my husband met her. Then our attraction began,becomming extremely close, very quickly. We were totally in love.
I asked my husband for time and space to figure out what and who I am, and moved out of the bedroom into the spare room. It was horrible. We faught and screamed at each other all the time. Was hard for the kids, we are very close to them. I then asked him to move out so we could formally seperate, and give ouselves time to figure out if we want to be together or not. It was shocking for him, he truely loves and wont give me up. He refused to leave, saying I must, and leave the kids in their home. Very difficult decision. I run a business from the same house,so knew I would see the kids everyday. I moved out, straight into the arms of a women, who adores me, callsme her soul mate, wants to have children with me, despite my age!
But the guilt I feel is so intense. Being a christian, feeling like I have let God, my children, my family down. I dont even know if I am gay, Im not the type of person who believes in lables, i believe in souls. I havent got divorced, not sure why, and my daughter is very angry with me, where we were once so very close, now she hates me.
What do I do? I have been living with this gentle hearted lovely woman for 8 months now, but dont want to cause any more damage with my kids.

Confused and worried
freckle6608 freckle6608
46-50, F
7 Responses Jan 19, 2013

Hello, your story sounds very similar to mine. I had been married 27 years and fell in love with a friend at church. I had been church secretary, sunday school teacher, soccer mom, traditional wife, you get my drift. Now I am divorced. My children are 18 & 21. They have asked me if I was gay, I denied it. I love Jesus. In a million years this is not what I imagined for my life. I gave up my former life to be with her. I was confused as to whether I was a lesbian. The answer is yes. The more I analysed my life, the more I see there were signs that I ignored & put out of my mind. I want to come out of the closet, but things are difficult right now. I want to be real & authentic and stop denying this & lying.

you can do it! thank God you have someone!

I do thank God for her. Our relationship has so many facets that my relationship with my husband did not have.

Hi there Jesusgirl,

wow, its exactly the same! I too am weary of living the lie, so wish I could tell my kids and husband. my kids ask me, and I deny it to them, and makes me feel like I am Lying to God every day. the guilt! but I know and just feel it would hurt them too much right now. but may I ask, how the divorce went? I dont seem to have the courage to take that step, not sure why.
Thanks for your reply, very encouraging.
Ps, how old is your girl, and are u living together?i

I moved into our guest room and lived there for 7 months. He told me to either move out or move back in our bedroom. I left that day. My gf & I moved in together that day. I got a divorce about a year later. I feel more guilty for the divorce than for being gay. My gf lived with me for a year then moved very close by into a place so she could have her 4 kids w her. We see each other often but rarely are able to spend the night together. Things are complicated but we just strive to make a home together some day some how. I am 48 she is 47.

Yes, I can do it, with all of you encouraging me, its quite amazing how much support I have received since writing my story. I have done a complete turn around in my thinking. Its quite incredible.

2 More Responses

I am so sorry for your situation. I am a christian and I have a 4 year old son. I have loved many women in the span of my less than savory marriage but never had an affair. My husband flat out refuses to believe that I am gay; so I understand. I too don't believe in labels but in souls and I am happy that you found someone to love... have you talked with your children on a very honest level? do you have a strong church support? does your new love go to church too? Just things to throw out there.

I will pray for you-- but really, despite the crazy, what I wouldn't give to have someone like you describe you have! :)

and my cousins, my age-- in their 30's-- their mother left their father, my uncle, when we were small (younger than your kids by about 10 years) and she came out and was with her love and our side of the family (their dad is how we're related) is SUPER conservative-- so I know that it was very hard on them; BUT they have come through the other side and they love their mom tremendously because they know that she needed to be who she was and not be strapped into a marriage that didn't work. the present is not the future... your daughter is hurt, can you talk to her?

I will pray for you. God bless.

Hi there, thanks for this, gives me hope.
To answer some of your quests, no i cant go to my church I once went to, as My husbank and kids go there. Also he has a support groug that continually pray for me to go back to him. He desperately wants me back. So theres no going there!
My daughter is very angry with me, doesnt talk to me at all, and we were once so very close. i justhope she will come around, she really loves her dad, and sees him hurting every day. I worry I have caused long term damage. I keep trying, but the more i try the further away she goes.
Both my girl and I are christians, but we havent found a church yet that wont judge. I only wish that i could come out to everyone, and be friends with all my siblings friends and even husband. Thanks for your prayers, i do need them....

Thanks again, and God bless u too

This site is awesome. So great to feel supported and to read others who are in the same boat as I am.
Thanks, and feel free to chat any time.

I too hope it gets sorted. will keep u posted. I know my family love me, but this will greatly disappoint them, no doubt

I'm so sorry- I'm not saying you should stay with your girl- just that it sounds like your marriage was in trouble before all of this started? So much guilt is being pushed on you right now. Maybe you need to take some time for yourself, away from everyone. Take care of you inside step away from all the issues and see what is truly going on, the reason why you feel the way you do, sometimes we don't see how our environment our upbringing the things we surround ourselves with, how all of this shapes our way of life the decisions we make.
Live alone clear your head, be aware of yourself your choices.
This is your life- yes you have children but they will grow up soon and be gone.
You are a person who has needs and wants and desires.
You will never know truly what it is you need surrounded by so much guilt and tension tugging at you from both sides.
If your girl loves you she will want you to do this to figure out what it is you want and need- those who support you are your family- it's not blood that makes us family.
I am sorry for your pain.
May I ask how you told your children? I know you're not sure if your gay, so what did you say to them?
I haven't told my children and I know it's time, I'm organizing my life right now getting ready to make a change.
Although hearing your struggles makes me question myself as well. I do appreciate you sharing.

Ps,my boy cried

After hearing of your responses, i feel encouraged, thank you. Its so damn complicated though. I FEEL TORN! WHAT THE FRIG DO I DO? My 18 yr oldson send me a voice note thru his, saying how he went to church thiw morning with his dad ans sister, ans two rows in front of them was a real readhead - as i am, and he sent a message to me, "comehome mom, please, we all miss you!!

Its my tenth month anniversary today with my girl......

what am i to do buddies???

Your story gives me hope & fear. Only you know what will bring you peace, I don't think living in a miserable marriage would be good for your children. If there is a god he knows your heart so be real and loving. I hope you will keep us posted on your story...also I am here for you if you need to talk.