Married But Still Longing For A WomenI am so glad I found this site. Your stories have been so encouraging.
I don't know where to start with all of this.... Even though I've been married for 5 years to my husband, I feel so alone. I've struggled with depression for years and although I have legitimate issues to work on in therapy, I have recently come to the conclusion that (drum roll please...) I am a married lesbian.
My husband knows about my past sexual experiences with women and I told him I was bisexual before we got married. I just wanted to have a "normal" life and thought it would be possible since I did love him and was only bisexual anyway....
I mean is this cliché or what?
I've always loved everything about women. Virtually all of my friends growing up were female. In fact, I shied away from guys during school, but mainly attributed that to thinking I was ugly. I was a late bloomer in that respect (my sister says I have ugly duckling syndrome but whatever ). Like many of you, I felt like something was missing or that I was somehow different. Being raised in a pentecostal church (think swinging from the chandeliers), being lesbian wasn't really an option. And since I never talked to anyone about my feelings, I just assumed everyone noticed girls like I did.
I've been working with a therapist for a while and she has really helped me to own my feelings toward women and not feel like a bad person. Last week my husband came to therapy with me and I told him that even though I love him, my attraction to women has been really hard to ignore. It was hard, but I do feel like a weight has been lifted. I'm not sure where to go from here? He told me his biggest fear is me leaving him for a women. At this point, I am not seeing anyone and have no plans for divorce; however, I feel this sense of longing for something that I may never be able to experience again.
I guess I'm just hoping to make some connections here with people who understand this struggle.