Being Lesbian Is Not Without Reality

When I read the stories posted here I right away can relate because I lived that lie and longed to be free to be me for many years. I did find the courage to break away and do the right thing. I read everyone's post about their dreams of being able to be totally passionate and give themselves in a totally unselfish way to another woman.  These writings are dreamy and full of what being a lesbian is all about and for the most part it is everything anyone could dream of and so much more.  However, it is not all L word and Queer as Folk, it is not all fairy tales and happy endings, All women are not the sensitive romantic passionate lovers we all long for when we can not possibly have her.  But the hard truth is that being a lesbian is hard.  It is great and all but does not come without its own price.  Women are not much different than men.  Women are conniving and methodical.  They emotionally are capable of destroying the inner most private part of you most of the time without blinking an eye.  Women cheat like men lie like men and can and are sometimes just as physically and emotionally abusive as any man ever thought of  being.  The hurt from a woman however is deeper longer lasting and ten times the betrayal because as lesbian women we are supposed to protect each other from all that and offer shelter from all the wrong that men may have done to us in our life time.  Women are not loyal in my experience and they seem to always justify ******* your best friend.  Lesbians in smaller communities tend to pass each other around in a circle so if you have been with one you have been with them all.  All the exes are potential best friends weather you like it or not.  Women do not care if being friends with their ex makes you insecure you are supposed to accept this ex this friend into your life and like it and then suffer the fall out when your gf thinks you are to close to her ex.  The games are hard core the worst is having your gf cheat on you with a dude or decide she cannot be a lesbian in the eyes of god any longer.  I do not date Bi women because I cannot and will not compete with two things God or Men.  Do not get me wrong I love being a lesbian and with a little experience under your belt it is everything the L word is and more but I just want you women who are home day dreaming about the perfect Lesbian world to put your feet on the ground because it is not all roses and sex.  It is hard work and setting boundaries that you never even thought of  setting with the man in your life.  Men are for the most part strait up about what is going on.  Women like to make you work for every bit of info you learn about them.  I have been around for a long time and truly have no patience for the bullshit head games and have been hurt so much I cant even believe I am still lesbian.  But that is who I am and it cannot even be hurt out of me.  So just go into this thing with knowledge because knowledge is power.  If you have the benefit of friendship with a seasoned lesbian listen to her advice she learned the hard way and may spare you some wasted years and broken hearts.  Good Luck ladies and let the games begin..
giayesim12 giayesim12
51-55, F
13 Responses Sep 15, 2013

Truer words could not be spoken. I was married at age 19 to a man for almost 18 years. We had 3 children together after being married for 10 years. I struggled with coming out for most of my marriage and each time he somehow managed to reel me back in. He was my best friend and we had Christian values as a family. Things weren't perfect and no relationship is. But, he became increasingly controlling each time he would sense I was pulling away. This led me to finally come out to him and make my move. Then I met an openly gay woman and fell head over heels for her. The sex was amazing and thinking about her consumed my life. I somehow believed we would live the fairy tale life and I'd finally live out my true feelings that I had suppressed for most of my life. When the "newness" wore off on her part she no longer wanted to touch me unless I asked her. It became increasingly humiliating and rejecting. I could only touch her maybe once per month because she said her sex drive had just left and she didn't know why. I tried everything to make her want me sexually. All she would say is that she loved me and wanted to marry me but she just didn't have it in her to be more passionate. I remember the days when my husband would pine for me sexually and I would dread it. I hardly ever let on because I didn't want to hurt him. The truly ironic thing is that I feel like my husband did when we were married...a roommate who is needy and always wants sex. And on top of that, I only get to see my kids 50% of the time. So to all the closeted lesbians who fantasize about having a relationship with another woman where all your hopes and dreams will be fulfilled, keep it in your dreams when you're sleeping. And please don't sacrifice your family for it.

I was there I can relate too

lack of healthy communication and connection to men does not count as lesbianism. if connectivity is what u are after.

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I'd love to hear that you competed against men and God for the love and affection not only of a lesbian or a bi woman but also for the sexual and emotional love of a married straight woman and win. I'd love to see you get a married woman to fall in love with you. I know you wouldn't do it but it would be sexy.

Wow! Where do you live??? I'm 54 years old, and I've experienced some heartbreak but nothing as negative as the things you've said! I'm shocked that your experiences have been so negative. Lesbians are definitely not perfect, but HOLY ****! It sounds like you've been dropped into a pit of the most evil lesbians ever born!

ugh divorce him.

Your a very smart and wise woman. . I agree with everything you're saying every bit of that is true.. I too know from experience. . And a man may break your heart but a woman will steal your soul! REAL TALK!!

So I'm interested in chatting with you!!!

ok anytime just give me a ballpark time

Great advice! I just came out this past April. My husband and I remain married, and living together. We have kids, and a lifestyle that just doesn't allow us to be single parents. We are best friends, and we love each other, so we're making his work. I have a friend with benefits situation. She's been through all the drama, and has shared her stories with me. As much as I dream of being able to live the life I have, with a woman rather than a man, I think of the comfort and familiarity of my situation. Right now, I get to have my cake and eat it too. Though I have no idea what the future holds, deep inside, I want my dreams to come true. I do want to go to bed, and wake up with my lover, everyday.

I'm in the same boat with out the friend .. The friend is very much needed I might say .

I'm in the same boat as u. Life can be very stressful.

I totally understand! I know I really lucked out, but I also know that the arrangements we have won't last forever. She's the first woman I've ever been with. She's "breaking me in", so to speak...lol. I'm definitely looking to build a friendship with a woman that could potentially be a more permanent relationship. I'm not into the idea of just hooking up with random women for the sake of having sex.

Right there with ya. Im in the exact same situation and I too would love to go to bed and wake up with her everyday. :(

Stay with the person who truly loves you. I wish I could go back 2 years ago and do things differently. The sex and experiences really isn't worth it. It caused me a lot of regrets. I'm new to this but if you ever want to chat, look me up. I've lost my husband/best friend, my friends, my home, and my kids 50% of the time.

Wow! I wrote this 2 1/2 years ago. So much has changed. The husband and I are still living together, and finally divorcing. I came out to my kids, and they support me. I have a girlfriend that I met in December 2013. My kids adore her. My FWB and I are still very good friends, but we stopped the benefits part shortly after I wrote my post above. That was a tough lesson, but a valuable one. Friendship was just more important than the sex...no matter how good the sex was. The soon to be ex-husband has a girlfriend. She and I are not friends as he had hoped. I'm a friendly person, but she can't stand the fact that he and I get along as well as we do. So...onward and upward. Life is crazy, and wonderful, and amazing. I have ZERO regrets. I found the love of my life, and I see my kids' dad in a happy and fulfilling relationship. I look forward to the years ahead.

3 More Responses

Wow! Very wise girlfriend! And very sad. I know that you're right, but I am a hopeless romantic idealist who just can't let that reality break me for God sakes! :) Man I hope I don't have to go through too much heartbreak. Heartbreak sucks and games suck! I want healthy and authentic so very badly!

Yes I have finally have found that on here of all places but even after all of it AI would not change any of it for anything and I would do it all and all of them again!

:)!

Thanks for the reality check!

Wise words. I would have to agree completely. I never have understood the whole "pass around" the lesbian community. It does seem like that's the case, though.