Being Joined At The Hip, And Then Not

The emotional connection I had with her was the centre of my life. On good days, it was like being continuously enveloped in the most comforting bear hug you can possibly imagine. Even when we were at work, I could feel her thinking about me. And much of the business of my life, was making our home a comfortable and happy place.

When she died, it was as if some vital source of life energy had been suddenly cut off. I was still alive, but everything had turned grey. I ate, dutifully, but could hardly manage more that half a meal. Cooking and eating and enjoying food was bound up in those shared times, and there just seemed no point doing any of those things. I looked after the dogs, went to work, did all the things that my changed circumstances demanded. More than anything else, I missed that sense of being connected, thought about, cared for, understood, sometimes without words. I knew that I needed that connection like air, and I despaired that I would ever have it again.

Miraculously, a new friend appeared in my life. She distracted me from my pain, listened endlessly to stories about my partner, and gave me (like oxygen) that sense of being connected. In really bad times, she would ride in and rescue me from whatever slough of despond I had gotten into.

I was addicted to love. I was lucky that I had that lifeline. It allowed me the space to get more used to being alone, and adjusting nearly everything in my life.

I don't know how I would manage without that connection - which I still have. Not as well as with it, that's for sure. But I think I could just about survive without it now.

Would I do it again, knowing the pain of separation? Yes I would. For me, it is an essential component of happiness. The pain of loss is always worth the joy of love.
sdbear sdbear
51-55
2 Responses Jul 26, 2010

With everything that we love in life comes the awareness that loss might come one day and you are right. Love is worth it in the end for love expands us as human beings and is the one thing that remains after we pass on. Some people come into our lives for a long time and some make an impact for a short while but all leave a lasting impression and are a part of our individual tapestries that are woven throughout our lives. The love that you shared with this special woman is a beautiful part of your tapestry and it is a part of you forever. Peace,D.

Sorry that you lost your love. Best wishes.