I had my first experience with a woman when I was seventeen. It was a total sursprise to me that I would enjoy it so much. I had always looked at myself as straight and I had no obvious physical indicators to tell me that I might be a lesbian. I was seveteen when she and I met. I lived with her for three months (at her parent's house. They did not know). Then I moved out of town to live with my father a couple of months before attending the University of GA, in Athens. While I was away at school, I had sexual relations with two men. I still did not identify as gay and I was too young to want to settle down with anyone. During that time, my father found a love letter my ex wrote to me. He opened it and read it and "was disgusted and threw it in the fireplace". He gave me an ultimatum, either stop seeing her or I will cut you off financially. My stepmother told me, "your father did not raise a daughter all these years just to find out she is a man." I told them to shove it and I went home to my dysfunctional mother and sister and brother. I did not continue seeing her and then I met a young man I was interested in. From that time forward, I knew I was bisexual but I would never act on it.

In retrospect, I believe I repressed my sexuality for over twenty years out of guilt. I did not want to disappoint my father.

Well, two years ago I wrote a fantasy, romance novel where females had intimate relations together. The feelings were finally starting to surface. I told my husband that I wanted to see women. He let me..... as long as I did not see men. Okay!!!!!

Well, it has been two years and that occured on and off during that time. Four months, ago I left him. We were arguing for years. And yes I had sex out of guilt and obligation. But with certain women (esp. more butch women) the sex was phenomenal.

Now that I am separated, I know that I am really a lesbian and I have no desire to be with a man again. They are attractive, but not what I want in a partner.

Now, I am free. I do not want a relationship. I just got out of a fifteen year relationship/ marriage. I want to have fun and meet people. I need time to get to know myself.

And now, I am happy. My parent's know now. My father is still not happy but he has acknowledged that he loves me and he tries to take care of me as best he can (he is 79 and retired). So Life is good. I am thirty-nine now. I just wish I had come to terms with this earlier. But all is good. I have a long life ahead of me, Goddess willing.

jroth jroth
36-40, F
24 Responses Oct 9, 2006

Your father misunderstood you about what you had with that girl.

I'm glad to know your story, at last your happy and free ;)

Good for you,, just too bad it took so long to figure things out

nice story, I'm looking for a friend like you? can we be friends?

Thank you for sharing, it gives me hope

Thank you for sharing your story. I am discovery my true self and I appreciate your truth.

..wonderful :)

i was in the same shoes as u...i was married to a highschool sweetheart as they say...quarter back of the football team...i knew i wanted a girl...that i was attracted to them...but i stayed in place just getting by...i moved in with him at the age of 15 and stayed there till about a few months ago...i married that man and had a beautiful daughter...then my feelings surfaced again...i wanted a girl...i needed to make love to one...i wanted passion but i wanted that connection that i never had felt before....i had messed around with girls in highschool but i was young then wasnt nothing more than experimenting...i wanted to make love...i went on this site ...came across it on accident....i met the love of my life...she is british and lives miles away from me...but it didnt stop her...she was married and so was i....she left her husband months into us and flew here to be with me....she has two kids so she had to go back...but our love grew more and i couldnt take it....i left my husband...and she bought us a house ...i came out and told my mom which said what ur dad did...that it was disgusting...she is starting to cope with the fact that i want to be with my life is changing in many ways but it feels great....having that connection and love...i hope u find that to:)

You are courageous and truthful! Congratulations!

OMG. Im so happy to be here....hahah thank you for sharing....I belong here. lol

Me too. ;D Thank you to all of you who are my secret (kind of) support system. I am married to a wonderful man but I have fallen for a woman....

Don’t know where to find a single lesbian ? you can go ~~~~ Lesmingle ~~~( bing it). it's the world's first, largest and most trusted dating site for Lesbian.enjoy it~~~~

Good luck, have fun and enjoy ur self but becarefull too lol

i liked your gives me more courage to stand out as a lesbian.

You go live out your joy! ;D

Thank you, hun. I divorced him and now realize I'm bisexual. There's no need for labels though. Now is there? Best of luck to you as well.

I think there really is no needs for labels too thought , but they still brand us with lavels like if we are for sell lol good luck im cheering for u

It's okay. People label because it seems to make them feel more comfortable. The world is evolving though. Yay!

Yeah, that's true XD

your experience is interesting. I wish you a lovely and pleasant life life in your chosen manner..

I appreciated reading your story and saw a lot of myself in it..Good luck in your journey :)

i like your story... my dad did not take me being gay well at all we don't talk but there comes a point in your life where you have to live for you.. great stroy

Sexuality is a complex mix of feelings and experiences, ditch the labels and simply live your life as you feel, you will find in time that we are all just humans. There is only one you, celebrate yourself! You are unlike anyone else.

Your story and mine are very similar. I was also 17 when I had my first relationship with a women. I was scared and unsure of what I was feeling becuase I was brought up in a very religious home. We were together for 2 years and during that time she proposed to me. We had decided to talk to my family and they were very hateful, judgemental. They told us that we loved each other in a unpure way, it was againist God, tore up apart and sent me to church bootcamp. I cried, screamed begged them to let be happy, and they told me also that they would disown me because it was againist their fath. The thought of me goign to hell was too much to bare.<br />
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I moved on and she and I continued to be friends. She dated other girls and I got married. But in the end something kept bringing us back together. I have been married 9 years, and she has always been here behind the scenes. My husband knows that I want to be with a women again, but he doesn't like the idea of me being with her. So this is werid but I will share it anyways. Last night we were role playing and I asked him how he would touch me if he was a women. He was hesitant at first but he did it for me. I was thinking about her and it was awesome. With that said it is so hard for me to come out becuase I have a family. We have four children and they are all very young. I have talked to my husband and he thinks that counseling will help me get over this infatutation with wanting to be with a women. <br />
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I am new here so its nice to share with other people who are like me. I wish you well. :)

I read this and I feel for you. It's never the same when a man touches you as when a woman does. Your husband and family will control your life as long as you let them. I suggest you leave before the children get too old or else after they finish high school, as many do. As for religion, I detest it. Religion is the root of all evil in the world. When women are fully empowered again, war and violence will cease to be such a problem. Meanwhile, try to be your authentic self. Don't ever lie to yourself. Try to lie as little as possible in your everyday life too. When you lie long enough, you start to believe the lies. That is the path to insanity...
Good luck, my Dear! :)

love it!<br />
i was married one year before the dreams of my my best friend naked was killing me! (we divorced for other reasons... money!) but as soon as the papers were filled it hit up the gay seen like a crazy lady!<br />
my parents just think that im taking my friendship with women too far b/c im lonley, or confussed and last week it was beacuse im scarred. they can think what they want.

Thank you!! I love reading stories like this. I am not the only one in the world. I am getting divorced now almost 3 years in to my marriage because I now I am a lesbian. Just took me too long to admit it to myself.

This story and many others are and inspiration to me not to sit on my a** any longer. I share some of your experience with you and I dont want to lose any more time. Im sticking to my guns and Im outta here asap. Thanks!

good for you! I'm Kathy 42 married and bi...Wish you well...

Wow, I loved your story. very touching. i know what you went through. but it does feel so much better once you come out. the bricks are no longer weighing you down anymore and you are free to be yourself. <br />
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i don't care what others think of me anymore. i am who i am and very proud of it. i am a much better person now than i was ever before. i love myself and everything i do.<br />
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i currently don't have a girlfriend, but i still love my ex. yeah its ****** up but i do. she was amazing. but now we are just really good friends and we still talk all the time and i do get to see her like every 6 to 8 weeks when i go to chicago. so i guess we are friends with bennifits, which is fine, i don't plan on gettin with anyone else unless i know for sure me n her are not gonna go any where.<br />
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well we should keep in touch and get to know one another. build a friendship.<br />
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my e-mail is<br />
my myspace is<br />
i have IM with both yahoo and myspace. u can add me if u want.<br />
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hope to talk to u soon,<br />

yea i experienced that and its taken a minute , but i know i like it "a lottt!!!" im with a guy whos open to it but i havent gone that far, im searching for myself , my truth, ya know? anyhooi i must go on with my life..haha talk to me ...