I Guess Its Verbal Abuse??

Its taken me a long time to realize that this is the truth of the matter but i think I am verbally abused. I think it would be easier if she just hit me or made me drink clorox or something - then it would be clear to me that this is abuse, and i need to walk away from it. The verbal abuse is such more subtle. People fight, i know they say cruel things. But every day she speaks to me in a tone of just pure hate, ive tried pointing it out to her ~it just makes her angry. Ive tried sitting down and talking to her like adults when i feel there are things to discuss, when we have problems when i have needs. It turns in to a full blow fight, she gets immediatley angry and start lashing out with whatever vile hurtful things come to mind. She breaks promises, when im bummed about it she gets angry and tell me im crazy. Everybody breaks promises. When im in a good and positive mood she find a way to make me feel like its my fault shes late for work, or unhappy at her job, or whatever the case may be (whatever shs stressed about). She calls me in the morning and then tells me that im needy because i need to hear from her. I dont even care if she F'n calls or not. I dont ask for it.
I dont know. i can go on and on and on buts it to the point that each and every day, she treats me bad, finds a reason to knock me down to my very lowest and then somehow finds a way to make it my fault in the first place. For a long time i believed her -that i was the mess up one. But im tarting to see that this has very little to dowith me. I am just so tired of crying every day and feeling bad about myself. Both my jobs are suffering from it. As im justy always in the constant state of paralyzation. If we didnt have a daughter, i think id walk away. i just have a lttle girl with her and our finances and friends are all interangled, i have no famil to turn to. I just dont know what to to do.
Muse0001 Muse0001
26-30, F
7 Responses Aug 2, 2010

Same rules apply. We have a fantasy that lesbian relationships could never mirror typical heterosexual abusive situations, because we are all 'sisters under the skin' aren't we? Read the sites about verbal abuse - it's about power and control from deeply disturbed and insecure people, irrespective of gender and orientation. They may get better with a lot of therapy, but the dynamics that have been established with relationships before they are 'cured' are unlikely to ever be rebalanced.<br />
Get out now - if you love her still then tell her why you are leaving and so she may have a chance to get better and make it right for a future functional relationship. You need to get out and recover and find yourself again - you obviously can find the right person as long as you don't fall into the rescue trap again. <br />
Believe me, I've gone through the hell of opening my partner's eyes and have lost most of my soul in the process. We have kids too.<br />
Good luck and strength

I think it says a lot about you that you want to stay in this relationship because of your daughter. That alone speaks volumes about how beautiful a person you are on the inside and how unselfish you really are. But you should think of your own happiness and well-being too.<br />
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Abuse is abuse and comes in all sorts. You don't deserve to feel that way and to be treated like this, and if she won't stand to reason then you need to firmly put your feet down.<br />
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I agree completely with Breezeann: staying with your daughter will only show her that what you and your wife have is considered healthy and normal and this is what love must be. It can affect her in the long-term in many ways. Keep trying to work things out with your wife but if all else fails then it's like Breezeann said: maybe you two would be better parents apart. You should both be strong and positive role models for your girl. Besides, if you continue to stay with this person then what? She'll eat up at you and one day the twig will snap - who knows what could happen then. <br />
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You deserve to be happy, especially for your efforts, your love and your devotion. I wish you luck and I wish you the happiness and peace you deserve.

Yeah i think im going to go find someone to talk to. She wont go, ive tried asking her that already. Its just insane to me that she cant see that. How can you talk to someone like that and not realize that you are just tearing them down left and right. I think youre right Saratoga. I think ill get myself a nice doctor that can help me get away from this. I dont think i deserve it. I know im not perfect but i dont think its normal to be yelled at every day.

Honey, I think I will go a bit further... this sounds like you are in an abusive relationship... you need to talk with a professional whether she will go with you or not. This is dangerous!

Well-said Michelle! Same here...if you need a friend..message me hon.<br />
Good luck.

By the way, I'm not trying to say end your relationship, but you should at least ask her to go to some sort of relationship counseling or anger management class !! If she loves you as much as you think she does she may be open to the idea, tell her you will go too !!

Hi Muse,<br />
Listen I hear you but any kind of abuse leaves scars on you whether they be physical or emotional !! <br />
Has your wife even realized that this is tearing you apart and even more important does she care? You cannot go through this forever, I know you love her and your little girl but isn't enough, enough?<br />
She is the one with issues as she is always trying to bring you down and make you think things are your fault !! Things like family, friends, and finances can all be sorted out, its only an excuse to stay. You deserve better, and you deserve happiness, true happiness !!!! You said it yourself if you didn't have a daughter you'd walk away, so I think you just answered the last line of your story !! I do wish you all the luck in the world and as always if you ever need to talk, I'm a e-mail away !!