My Story Of Unrequited Love

I am 20 years old, and I have fallen in love. This person fits me like a glove, with the same ambitions and perspectives on life. This person and I fight, and do not always get a long. Yet, I love this person anyways. This person has made me realize how happy life can be. This person has taught me to be strong and independent. Lastly, this person has taught me how to do things for myself and take charge in life. Despite all these wonderful things I have learned, there is a problem. This person is my best friend, and this person is a girl. I have now come to terms with the fact that I(as a woman) love another woman. Gay, Bi, Straight, I didn’t know what I am. All I know is that in this moment I love someone with all my heart. When I first started to love her I began to think of her always, and obsess over her every move. I wanted her to love me, but no matter how hard I tried she wouldn’t let me in. She set up a barrier around her every emotion. Detached and adrift, I could never fully reach her. She seemed to push me away most of all, as if she knew that I wanted to penetrate that barrier. I wished with all my heart that she would love me the way I loved her; when she spent time with other friends or laughed at someone else’s joke I felt sick to my stomach. The anguish of unrequited love haunted my every move and action. I fell into a pit of despair, no longer living for myself, but living for her. Doing anything to spend more time with her. We were inseparable, I even ignored the other people close to me to spend more time with her. She was the only one who had my whole heart. We spent every day together, laughing, fighting, and enjoying life. Every time we touched, I would light up and feel at peace with my life. When I left her for the summer I cried the whole 8 hour drive home. I am studying abroad in Spain for 3 months, and she is studying abroad in South America for 6 months. I know that those extra 3 months she is going to be abroad will be torturous for me. We still talk and email a lot; however, we are only close friends, nothing more. I know that it will never change. She will never love me, so I will continue to pine over her. How do I escape this situation? I still want to be her friend, in fact I cannot imagine my life without her anymore. But how do I overcome these feelings and start living my life again while still remaining her close friend? Has anyone been in a situation like this before? And how did you overcome the anguish and the pain?
hummingmeadows hummingmeadows
22-25, F
9 Responses Aug 2, 2010

well, it happened to me, thrice..just luk at it ths way, if u nevr tell it, u wont know wat is going to happen..but u shud be ready for the worst that wud happen..u jst sumtyms nid to risk coz that question wil just haunt you and wil dmand for an answr..step out from that safe harbor..what matters is, u wil knw the answer, may it be negativ or positiv..just be ready for the worst

U must talk to her about your feeling.. before its late dude...

I have and I agree with you its hard. Very hard. The person I am inlove with im almost sure does not know. Because untimitally im not allowed to inform her of it. I am 16. Will be 17 in 3months. She is 24. And is my latin tteacher. I am lesbian. And I know she is as well becuase I checker out on fb all the time. ((She has no idea))... its very hard. But I get threw it by talking to friends and and intering my selfs into relationships with people I love as well. And now im not much into her becuase iv found someone who 17 and fills my heart with joy.

I feel the same but I am at the early stages. Each time I see her I fall in a little deeper. I'm thinking if maybe I shouldn't see her anymore because I know it's never going to go anywhere. *sigh*

I recently came to grips with the fact the yes...I am gay!!! Ive always had boys i would mess with but there was never any real sense of wanting to give myself to them. I met a girl and fell deeply in love!!! I spent alot of time thinking that NOONE ever had a love as strong as ours!!! lol Its not true, you will find it again. She slowly started pushing me away also, yet just when i finally gave up... she'd come back into my life and start the cycle over again. I also pushed allot of my friends away and after a while put all my self worth onto her. It was like the only lense i could see myself through was the lense in witch she saw me. It was CODEPENDENT, and it took every once of strengh and allot of facing my fears of being alone to finally cut her OFF!!! Its the best thing i could have done for myself!!! I suggest finding out what really makes you happy. ( for me it is my education, i got into school for my passion!!! psych. also I learned alot bout diet and nutrition). My ex ruind a good thing because she couldnt handle reality, couldnt handle that she was in love with a girl, now she is back together with a women beating *** hole :( but you know what... I cant fix her... she has to accept life on lifes terms as do we all!!! just remember... you cant control anything/anyone but yourself, and when you finally take the rains WILL be happy!!!

I am in Love with my Best friend as well and I don't think that my Love is reciprocated as much as I want it to be! It pains me to much to be around her because I will always want something more and I am not sure if there will ever be. For now I have just cut her off as painful as it might be, I know that I can't be around her as only a friend and I will always want somehting more! Me and her have been intimate before but now she has a boyfriend =(

Dx i'm in the same situation. but she is pulling away more and more. the more i love her and show it the more she pulls away. It's stabbing me in my heart, my head, my everywhere, and everything. I have loved her for 3 years. i would do anything for her....cutting her off has crossed my mind but i dont have the heart to do that..she has my heart...and she may forever hold it...i loved her since the first time i saw her..i knew there was something special about her..she attracted me soo much i had to see her again..some where.. anywhere..we are best friends..but slowly but quickly becoming just friends and not before too long..nothing...

I get what you're feeling I loved my best friend too. she was a girl too. I loved for about 4 years and when she started hanging out with other people I felt left out and alone. I became jealous and angry, but somehow she always manages to get me to forgive her. I don't talk to her like I used to. She's not my best friend anymore, just a face in the hall. I learned that the best way to get over someone is to let them go or basically cut them off. People say they can't do that and they can't live without them, and that's what you'll feel like. <br />
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To not see the person you love anymore is the most painful thing. That's way that pain will heal with the time you don't see them. Find someone else to love because once that person pops up back, you'll feel all these emotions run to you again. If you really want to get over them, cut them off forever. Once you feel that you're ready to see them again, then you should when you know that you're completely over them.

No I have never been in this type of situation but I can tell you that if you know for a fact that this woman will never be able to be in love with you the way you are with her, you need to move on. Plenty of women out here, I know it is easier said than done but you will not be a happy person and will obsess over her until it makes you ill. If you really love someone, let them go and if they come back to you, then they are yours and it is meant to be!! You cannot miss out on life because of one woman, still be her dear friend, because they are hard to come by, but you must find a way to supress these feelings for her because I am guessing she is not a lesbian !! Good Luck to you my friend !!!!