Long Story

Okay. So for awhile my girlfriend and I were in heaven. We both had good jobs, an apartment together and a cat. Although things were never "perfect," because we also lived with her sister, we got along famously-- and I thought we'd definitely be together forever. After awhile she got restless with her job, wanted to become a teacher. She took a year and a half to get her teaching certificate only to decide she didn't like kids and wanted to do something else. At this same time, I was losing my job. She wanted to figure out what she was going to do with her life, so after two years of living with her, she and the cat moved back into her parents while she took some classes at the community college.

I was 27, jobless, girlfriendless, and catless. I was depressed, but I hung-on, visiting her every weekend at her parents house 3-hrs away as she figured out she wanted to be a nurse. I was glad she had a goal, but I was feeling wary about where I fit into the picture. While I was waiting for her to finish her classes, I put up with some crappy part-time jobs saving money hoping we'd be together again soon. Six months pasted, we were still worried about money so we put off living together. She finally got into a nursing school near where I was living with my parents and I had some seasonal work lined up for the summer and fall before she started school again.

Strangely enough while my girlfriend was in Hawaii with her family, I was hired for a job I didn't expect to get which is 3-hrs away from where she was going to go to nursing school. Unlike the other jobs I had lined up, this job was permanent with a 401k and the opportunity to have health insurance after 6-months. I took the job right away. I was upset I wouldn't be able to be with her, but I'd been out of stable work for a year already. I talked to her over the phone while she was in Hawaii. She said she was happy for me, and I didn't want to completely destroy her vacation so I didn't push her or ask her to make any decisions. I had to start work in 2-weeks, so by the time she got back from her trip, I already had an apartment in the new city I was going to be working in.

Now... well, she's pissed. We "broke up," she didn't come to my sister's wedding. Then she visited for one weekend and we decided we should "be together," but as her nursing program rolls along, I'm worried about us making it work. If she wants to quit her program, she can always live with me. And she says if I hate my new job, I can always move in with her. --The thing is is that I would never, have never asked her to give up exploring and trying to be a nurse for me.-- But every time we talk now, it all about how I let her down, how I should be around while she is doing her program, and how I should find a job back near where my parents live so I can be with her.

The truth is I always wanted to be with her, but... I really feel better, healthier, more stable working a steady job. I also like my new city and the new people I'm meeting. I just want to scoop her up and have her live here with me and explore, but I'd never ask her to leave her nursing program. In a way, we've resigned our selves to phantom partners, because we say we want to be together (eventually), but in the mean time we both basically live like we are single and the other one is dead.

msriot msriot
26-30, F
3 Responses Sep 1, 2010

i've been through a similar situation with a partner emotionally... we became phantom partners in a relationship where we were living together in separate rooms. we hardly ever did anything romantic together and though we had all the plans in the world of being together permanently we are just too different. <br />
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after trying a second time i called it off again a month ago and we continued living together for another month until she found somewhere else to live. i feel a bit numb at the moment and hoping i'll be fine over the next few weeks/months. i'm free to do whatever i wish now and enjoy my new life (sorta coming out... and darn scared, lol) but i realise some healing needs to happen for everything to be totally well in my world again. <br />
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it takes courage to face adversity in love. i feel for you and hope your journey goes well.

I feel like your girlfriend is being really selfish! It's all fine and dandy when she's getting what she wants and doing what she wants to do. I think you are probably better off, and should try to move on. You never know what you might find! I think now is the time to focus on you and your career. Everyone deserves to be selfish every now and then in their life (it's your turn), but it sounds like that is how your gf lives her life....very selfishly!!!

I really like this story and i think your making the right choice! I think true love always end up together so either way your good!