I remember coming to that realization when I was fourteen, and being absolutely horrified because that thought never went away. I was attracted to girls ever since I was old enough to be attracted to someone, but every time I would think that I would spend hours beating my brain to a bloody pulp for even saying that inside of my head. I knew my mother would never approve and to come out would mean a lonely, sad, miserable life. Which turned out to be true for the most part. Although deciding not to lie to myself anymore I think was the best decision I have ever made.