I think I'm madly inlove with my bestfriend. I met her when I transferred schools in senior year. I know that I shouldn't but I just do. I don't find her attractive like the ones I have crushes on but I just don't get why I have feelings for her. Well, many says that she is beautiful but she's not my type. I know its pretty confusing. Believe me, I'm confused too. The first time I befriended her, we just clicked. I'm always happy by the end of the day that I got to talk to her. I thought we had it you know. I thought the chemistry was there. I think we had our moments. A lot of our classmates asked me back then if we are in a relationship.
All I've felt crumbled down when one of our classmates courted her. Now, his still her boyfriend. It even made me cry. They were always on and off for over a year now and just recently she told me that they already had sex four times... *ouch*.. What made my heart break is when the time when her boyfriend just broke up with her out of the blue. She cried and cried and cried.. When I look in her eyes, I can feel how hurt she was.. I regretted it you know . If I only had the courage to confess to her when we were still in 4th yr. . we would have been together .. But I can't risk our friendship and I'm not pretty sure if she feels the same way. I just want her to be happy you know.. Even though that I'm the one who's hurting.
Its a little crazy you know, 'cause I just came out to her the other day. She's still the only person I told about me being gay. I told her about it because I know that I can trust her. She's ok with it and says that she's not surprised . I guess she already seen that coming. She also said that its normal for girls to like other girls and that she felt that way too but just didn't think to have relationship to them. *I only came out to her .. Didn't really told her what I really feel about her*
I even go to the same college as her and take the same course even though I'm not pretty sure if I really like it. I even convinced my family and relatives to let me take that course and they agreed. Now, I'm not pretty comfortable in this course but I can't back down .. They won't let me shift to other courses and it saddens me. At that time, I felt like I sacrifice my future just to be able to be by her side knowing that she will never feel the same for me..
I know I'm pretty stupid..
*My apologies if its too long..* , *feel free to add me, pm me if you want to.. I also need a friend.. please be kind to me.*
ps: *I posted his in the other group namely : Closeted Lesbian.. I just wanna repost this here .. Just wanna hear what others may think of my complicated L story .. Hope you don't mind.. :)*