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Why I Choose The Label

Whether we like it or not - or if we are even conscious of it - we define ourselves by our labels.

I am the daughter, the tennis player, the student, but I am also the lesbian.

The first three a lot of people can relate to and accept, but why do I choose the last item on that list? Especially because this turn in the road is a potentially rough one. It full of many bumps and road blocks, especially for the young ones like me stuck under the structure of family and society. It seems like I will forever be condemned to being stuck in the 5 o’clock gridlock on the highway.

I think I choose to accept it because I feel alone.

Now don't get me wrong here, I do have a lot of friends. But once we all entered into the awkward double digits and everyone started ogling over Leonardo DiCaprio or Tom Cruise or the like, I never quite understood what was so special about them that they idealized them and would squeal at the mention at the name. And perhaps for a time I didn’t care much either, I was too preoccupied with my own life ot live in fantasy one. But as I grew into my mid teens (around 14 or 15 or so) I NEVER did reach the point of really becoming interested in guys. It alarmed me a bit, I felt separated from my friends. And it was frustrating.

When along the road at some point in my innocence I first came to understand romantic attraction, love between two women struck me as a curiosity. And this curiosity seem to grow as I got older. There was a never period of feeling wrong or denying myself about being attracted to females. It has just become a bigger part of how I see myself now. Its somewhere I fit. But it seems no one I know around me is there with me, and the few friends I trust and have told really don't completely understand it. And that is what makes me feel alone.

So that's why I choose the label. I don't choose it to be defiant or to stand out, but to fit in. Because I know that while that perhaps right now in my own life my group is a party of one, but out there beyond the taboo resides the people like me, the people like you. People who are going through this too. People who can relate to my frustration and isolation, but also share my hope.

Because we all have to remember that this rode we have chosen is a rode, not a wall. And roads always lead somewhere, no matter how slow progress may seem. Its undeniable to acknowledge that the United States has made leaps in bounds in accepting the public face of homosexuality, especially in the last 50 years. But it still has a long way to go. And for those of us biting the bullet, reaching that destination feels like an eternity.

But we have to remember we are all in this together. And the day we can kiss our ladies that have those lips that fill our hearts with electricity and melt our feelings into bliss, without looking over shoulder for those prejudice eyes, is the day I know I have reached where I want the world to be.

And that is why I choose the label, because I know one day our efforts to break through the walls of society will reach something much greater in the end.
YakkadyI YakkadyI 16-17, F Apr 24, 2012

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