Operation Tell Mama I’m Gay - Failed

wattle 2--I feel your pain--I went through precisely that same emotions as you. I am miserable about my bisexual 28 year old daughter choosing life with a woman. My devout husband cannot tolerate it and my very elderly father will be devastated should he find out. Grieving is really the word. I am not sure I will ever get over it. Yes, I felt suicidal at times, too--if I upset her and I could not change, should I even stick around? Would she be better off without me? I am amazed at how little I care about most things now. I am trying to keep up a relationship with my beloved daughter but she knows how deeply upset I am. It is very difficult. Please tell me it gets better.

Give her time

My daughter recently came out to me; my reaction was somewhat similar to your mother. Being in denial was my way of coping. I was able to continue my relationship with my little girl. However, she became frustrated with this as I would not accept her long term friend as anything but just that, a friend. She tried to tell me they were in love. She now ‘pushes’ me to accept this. I am now trying to accept my daughter is in fact a lesbian. At 55, I know nothing of these things and have difficulty coping.
I feel as if my daughter is dead but cannot grieve, cannot attend a funeral, cannot get support from my friends, cannot bury her. I have to live with the ‘death’ of my daughter without the usual ‘closure’. We love our children unconditionally and I love my daughter. But is this ‘stranger’ my daughter? What has happened to the little girl I brought into the world 27 years ago? What did I do to cause this? Was it my husband's fault? Didn't we hug her enough? I can only remember both of us being the best parents we could. Is it because she has a twin brother and they spent so much time together? If it happened in the womb, did I do something during my pregnancy? Whatever, my hopes and dreams for her have now, in one foul swoop, disappeared. She has turned into something no mother would ever go out of her way to plan or want for her daughter. No parent wants their child to assimilate with a minority group unless they had to. We know this is not an easy life for them. Why has she made this choice? Is it a choice? Why didn’t she just leave me to my denial? A least I coped then.
Now, I have difficulty living with this. I was even suicidal, briefly, but have a husband and son also and I could never do that to my beautiful family. This is not anyone’s fault. My husband is going through the same self-recriminations, but is coping better than I. Having said all this, I am slowly getting there, I am an intelligent, well-educated professional and know that this wallowing in self-pity and that this depressive state will eventually kill me and is hurting my daughter. I am learning to accept what I cannot change. Everyone tells you that you are brave to 'come out' and that is so. But your mother, when she eventually accepts this (and she will) will truly be the brave one! You are being very responsible and caring by considering the difficulty your mother is having. Many people like you do not seem to stop to consider what this does to their parents. All I ever hear is about wonderful, brave homosexuals ‘coming out’. All homosexuals have a mother; they are the brave ones in my mind. If you truly love your mother as you say, let her live in denial for now if that's her way of coping. Don’t devastate her and destroy her life just yet, give her all the time it takes. Good luck xx

thumb's up for your bravery girl...wish I could have the same guts as you do..haha my mom would always make parinig of "tanggap ko naman kung bakla or tomboy ang tao basta hindi sya papatol sa same sex" then I would answer her back "yun nga confirmation ng pagiging gay eh ang pagkagusto at pagpatol sa same sex" ...then she would turn silent.....then for about 4 years ago my brother couldn't take it anymore so he jumped out of his closet and revealed who he really is..then our mom got shocked at first then nagged at him LOL! and that's the start of her undying sermon about him being a gay.it's annoying coz even he's just with a guy "friend" our mom would assume that the guy is my bro's boyfriend...and because of that swore to myself that I will never ever disclose the real me to her because she will never accept it and I don't want get bugged by her sermons about that issue for my entire life....

Telling our mom that we aren't planning on getting married, and that we like girls instead of boys, its hard.. Just a little piece of myself... 4 years ago, I had to tell her that I moved with my girl and she stopped talking to me for like 3 months, it was very hard, because she wasn't with me, and she still isn't with me, but finally things got better and we talk now, it was pretty sad...

so eventually you mom, will understand the situation

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You did everything right and that you could have done. If i was you instead of pushing the idea any more with your mother just let it be for now. If she brings it up to you then worry about talking more. But live your life the way you want. Eventually she won't have any choice but to believe you when you have a girlfriend.

I'm proud of you. If you read my stories, you'll see I'm a middle aged married father of 2, grandfather of 3 who finally realised after 40 years of wondering, that I am bi. And happier for that realization.

Her denial won't change the fact you are gay. Hopefully, once she sees you are still the same daughter she's loved all these years, she'll accept that fact.

My daughter hinted she may also be bisexual, and I am both happy and relieved.

Keep the faith, lean on me if you need to. Jade is a beautiful, sweet lady who I love too, and am happy to have in my circle. Love to you both.

Hang in there! **** Chaney has a gay daughter, and if he can come to terms with it, there's still hope for your mom.

Don't label your self. your are just at typical confused girl with 0 clue what the real world is like. I am guessing you still live at home and barely work. I bet you are going to college and wasting time. trust me when you go out in the real world, start to work and live on your own your view of men will improve and you will realize how badly you want one. All you hear about these days are lesbians, what do you expect.

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I’m a lesbian

I posted a story abot my first gay lover and I was inspired by you to come out here thanks Crimson

I'm sorry telling your mom didn't go the way you wanted it to. But hey, way to go on coming out! Sooner or later I think your Ma will except it, she'll have to, she can't deny it forever.

Just keep telling her, eventually I think she'll go from, "You're a girl" to "You're a lesbian"

She's the one who gave up on you. Tell her you're that way probably because of all the pressure she put on you when you were a kid. Prepare a few "pressures" such as wanting you to look beautiful, scaring you from guys with all the protective sex talk. You get the idea. Make her be the one to blame, shes weak, have fun with it. Shes trying to pick on a weakness you have by repeating you are a girl.

I support you Crimson I am a Bisexual so I know how it feels to come out, my parents are accepting so it was easy. Friends and sister... not so much. But you gotta keep going. Support Gay, Lesbians and Bisexuals

Hey, you did your part. Congratulations on coming out, and I hope your mom will see the light some day.

Congratulations to u for talking to ypur mom and for coming out to her!! That was hard but not a failure! Your mom was and probable still is in shock, and she really isn't sure how she feels about her daughter being gay. It takes time and patience and you can not put a time limit on her accepting you being gay. And no, not all moms brains are wired the same way. My mom was awesome when I told her I was gay. And this was done when I was married and ended up having two kids. I have two wonderful kids, and I am in an awesome relationship with my partner of 12 years. My oldest daughter came to me and said mom, I have a girlfriend. I hugged her, and told her that I was proud of her for coming to me and if this makes her happy then I am happy for her. So like I said, moms minds are not wired the same. Give ur mom time to think about what u told her about u being gay. I know that u coming out hit her like a ton of bricks, but she loves u and wants u to be happy. Show her that u are happy in being u and u being gay has not changed who u are, u are still her daughter. Good luck to u, ur mom will come around.

Oh, btw, I am 40 and my daughter is 17. U are a courageous woman, keep ur chin up, and be u!!

"but you're a girl"

**** that makes me angry. Probably because this is my fear, that someone will say something like that to me if I tell them my secret(s)... I don't dislike your mom or anything from reading this, but I hate that idea. She's basically saying "sorry, that doesn't work, you're a girl so therefore you like boys, silly child". I hope she comes to accept you

I know it is easier said then done, but Don't worry so much! As you get older and you don't have boyfriend stories to share with your mother she'll get the picture. She may not like it but she'll get it!

Good luck! Keep smiling!

It went better than it could have! Your mom is in denial as was mine but you still have a relationship with her. One of my friends was immediately disowned from her family and to tho day, she id not allowed to step foot in her childhood home.

Just be patient and KUDOS for having the courage to share the real you! Hang in there! xoxox

I hope things mellow out with your Mother. It may take some time and patience. You have to remember that all mothers look forward to their daughters getting married and having babies. When next you talk with your Mother on the subject ask her what about it worries her.

My seventeen year old granddaughter is gay and the entire family excepts it, with the exception of her other grandmother who is being kept in the dark because of her deep religious views.

As I said, time and patience.

My parents didnt believe me either. They said " You're not gay ; youre just trying to hide how much you really like boys" lmao . what type of **** was that? We're cool now though. They know I'm gay and they've even been out with me and my gf. We're like family now. Everything will be fine. Just keep living your life, and she'll come around.

Keep at it and keep your chin up. You are correct that you shouldn't expect your mother to accept this aspect of you immediately, but if she loves you she'll come around. Find yourself a partner you feel love for and be happy. your happiness will go far to convince your mother.

Well am a mother and my daugther is a lesbian she came out to me bout 2 years ago And I Want mad because she is my child and I love her no matter what. And I told her I will always love her just like your mom loves u just remembrance that it might take time to understand it. But just hang in there.

While I can not relate to being gay because I am a heterosexual male, I am a father and you should know that parents love their children and make plans for them (even after they are grown and supporting themselves) and your mom is probably having trouble seeing that your path in life is not the path she had visualized for you. In her mind you have thrown her a curve ball and she is not quite ready to accept it, therefore she may not have really understood that you are truly a lesbian.



I can only hope that if my daughter ever surprises me by taking a path that I do not expect (dates women or dates men that I am not prepared to see her dating) that I can be supportive regardless of how I feel inside. It sounds like your mom loves you but doesn't know how to react to the fact that you will not marry and bear grandchildren.



I hope this does not become a rift between you and your mom.



Jeff

it doesn't seem like a fail to me, as you did what you said you would do :). it seems to me like your mom just didn't WANT to understand what you were telling her?



I find this story a bit cute. 'i'm a lesbian' 'no, you're a girl'

:)

It wasn't a failure. You told her. As nerve-wrecking as it probably was. Maybe your mom was in shock and should come to terms with it. The bottom line is you did what you wanted to. You didn't keep it away from her. You were quite brave

Awwwww wow, :) love your story. As quick as I read at times I couldn't tear my eyes from the screen. I'm happy that you have no problem getting through this and that you understand that it can take time and she will always love you! Way to go :) best of hopes to you