Operation Tell Mama I’m Gay - FailedI know from the title alone it says I’m a complete loser already.. hahah but what the heck, I’m still telling this to get this off my chest! So yeah, I know a week ago, I’ve told my life changing plan to come out of the closet.. Well, was coming out of the closet as good as it sounds while I was planning it? Or was it a wrong decision? Hmmm.. Let me start..
Okay, so far, I have told 5 of my closest best friends I’m a lesbian.. And I have my fair share of “Whaat?” “Are you serious?” “But you look like a girl!” “You’re kidding right?” “How can that be?” “When did you become one?” LMAO.. it’s funny, to see their reactions.. I have to answer all their questions about it.. And the great thing is that, they still love me!! Awww… im lucky to have them..
But what I didn’t know is that, when I told each of them personally.. They revealed something to me.. So yeah.. 1 is a lesbian.. 3 are bisexuals and are in a relationship with a girl.. And 1 is straight.. Well, you can tell, coz she’s pregnant.. LOL I was surprised too.. I was keeping a secret from them, and they were too! Well, im not focusing my story here although this would be a funny one! LMAO! But naaah, this is my coming out story with my MOM! bum BUM bum bum! LOL
I still remember it like it was yesterday, well, it did happen yesterday..lol.. September 7, 2012, 11 in the morning. I was having a great morning when my mom visited me in my apartment.. I was in a good mood thanks to Jade..*special mention* haha Since, I don’t cook, I have no food there so we decided to walk a few blocks to buy something to eat for lunch.. I know I was planning to come out to my mom on my birthday, which is next month, but the countdown was painful! I feel like I’m going to be HANGED on my birthday,. So I decided to ruin the plan and go for today.
After buying our lunch, I was eating fruitcake.. and we were walking back now. I can see now in a far distance the apartment I’m staying in.. the pressure was building up.. I need to tell now or never.. So this is how the conversation went..
Me: Mama? I want to tell you something..
Mom: What is it?
Me: I think I’m going to stay single for life, I don’t want to get married..
(She’s so against same sex marriage so I said this)
Mom: Oh, okay.. If you happen to meet the man you’ll marry please get to know him first so that you won’t get hurt..
(I was like, wtf? I just told her im not going to marry but she says this thing)
Me: Ma, I had a relationship with Dave.. I gave it a try but it didn’t work out for me..
Mom: Oh, why did you break up with him?
Me: It’s coz I didn’t feel anything for him.. Not a single thing..
Me: Ma? Do you want to know why I have no plans of getting married?
(We were getting close to the apartment and the pressure was so building up! I need to say it soon before we reach the gates)
Me: It’s coz………(long pause, my heart was pounding, sweating, difficulty breathing..Should I tell or not?)…. It’s coz, …I’M A LESBIAN…
Mom: *cursed*, No, you are a girl. You are a girl..
Me: Mom, I am a lesbian.. I tried having a relationship with a guy I didn’t feel anything and when he held my hand or acted sweet? I feel like im going to throw up! THROW UP!
Mom: No you are a girl.. Your acting that way coz you haven’t met the right guy for you..I was like you before, I thought I was a lesbian but you haven’t met the right man yet.. You are a girl..
We reached the gates.. I couldn’t push anymore because she was so busy pushing im a girl.. ima girl.. im a girl! She wouldn’t let me talk.. hmmm…I don’t remember saying I was a boy.. Wow! That was disappointing.. when I reached my room, I cried like a baby! It was hard enough opening up to her about this, but she didn’t believe me.. it was a big OUCH! My first rejection, coming from mom..I cried.. All I wanted was my mom to accept me.. I wouldn’t care if the whole world hates me for being gay, as long as my mom accepts me? I’ll be happy!! Super happy! She’s my mom!
I guess it wasn’t time yet.. I realized it took me 22 years to finally accept myself being gay.. And it would be unfair if I expected my mom to accept me this instant after I tell her im a lesbian. I know I didn’t get the reaction I expected so I was disappointed. But I won’t give up on my mom.. I know I failed once.. But the first is the hardest right? I’ll still continue to tell her I’m a lesbian until she believes me! I know those words are running in her mind right now when she remembers me.. She’s in denial.. But I’ll still make her understand.. I guess she just didn’t expect to hear that from me.. I won’t give up on you mom, I will still tell you I’m a lesbian even if I have to say it a million times! Hahaha So yeah! I failed but it doesn’t mean I can’t try again! Hehe