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Help! Advice Needed.

How can you tell for sure that you are a lesbian? I think I am and I want to believe that I am, but there is always that doubt in my mind. I mean, I know that I don't like guys, but I am too afraid to admit that to myself. How can I find out for sure? What questions should I ask myself?
Basketballer42 Basketballer42 16-17, F 4 Responses Sep 8, 2012

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I knew because I just never really had a crush on a guy before, but I have had quite a few crushes on girls.

Good for you for starting to think about this now. (I put it so far in the back of my mind because I was scared!) The thing is, I have come to learn that we don't really fall in love with a gender, or with every person who is a specific gender. We fall in love with a human being - heart, soul, everything. Gender is such a teeny piece of that. And, what we're attracted to changes over time. I am much more attracted to women now, at almost 40, than I was at 20. (I was attracted at 20, too, I think, but petrified of the idea, so I got no joy out of it.)



If you can completely let go of having to label yourself, and just focus on you, and your life, and being the best, authentic, real version of yourself that you can be you will draw the right people to you, and you won't even have to decide & then go out looking. :) You are so young! Be true to you, be honest, and don't worry about "what you are" get to know WHO you are, and LOVE her and CHERISH her deeply. Then, it'll be so easy for someone else to. And, male or female? Who cares?



I mean, you go to college to get started in a career, right? BUt how many people stay in that same career for their WHOLE lives. Your tastes change. Your eyes open wider, you discover things about you that you weren't ready to see back when you were focusing on a career back in college. You know? Just allow yourself to live. Be. Love.



Please don't struggle with labels and with figuring out. Just love YOU. The rest will follow.

Wow. This was very touching! And inspirational! Thank you so much for helping me. I will definitely try to think about this from now on. My insecurities have always been in the way. But thank you for opening my eyes! :)

My insecurities have been in my way too. And now I'm married with 3 kids, and unable, at this time, to fully embrace who I was meant to be. You can be scared of it, or you can allow your attraction to women to be part of the awesomeness that you ARE. Anything we fight keeps pushing harder & harder until we accept it. TRUST ME. I've been to therapy, on Prozac, avoiding, avoiding, avoiding. You don't have to act on anything now, but what if you just said, "Yeah...I think I'm attracted to that girl," instead of, "Oh, no. Holy crap. I think I just had feelings for a...God forbid...FEMALE!...Ew!...Gross!...I'm a freak...my parents will kill me...." Nope. Just smile, and allow, and the clarity will come without any effort at all from you. Focus on fun stuff & hoops instead. ;)

Read my stories of what I did with Sandra, she may no be a lesbian but she is a least bi, Cindy.

You are very young and have a lot of time to decide on these things.

Here are some questions to consider:

Have you ever wanted to kiss a woman passionately, has that ever crossed your mind?



Have you wanted or longed to be held by another female, an embrace whether sexual or not.



Do you find certain things about women a turn on?



Have you had crushes on females

Thank you. This helped alot. :) I know I am, but I guess it's hard to accept it. And I am afraid to be.