Les Be Serious

I am a 21-year old woman who is currently in a relationship with a 24-year old woman. We have been happily together for almost a year now, and although the companionship is still very much young, we are pleased and very much satisfied with each other emotionally and sexually. I myself am fully homosexual and have never been sexual with a man. I have no desire or animalistic-instinct to be with a man. My partner on the other hand, considers herself bisexual, but to be obviously and increasingly more attracted to women than men. She would rather herself and sees herself growing old with a woman rather than a man.

She has had numerous sexual encounters with both males and females. She explains this to me as a natural part of her wants, physical needs and being aroused. I understand the "want" she explains.. wanting to feel a man or a woman or the way one makes love to the other..simply because the sex is different, but it is possible to mimic and or simulate the feeling of sex with a man between two woman (with toys.. if you get what I mean ;)..
But my only problem with the situation considering I don't desire men, is imagining my woman, my love, being sexual with another just for pure "sexual pleasure"- man or woman. Strictly a physical entity. Am I being unfair in not being accepting to the fact that from time to time my bisexual woman would want to have permission to have sex with a man? Might I remind you I am fully homosexual. Would it be the same if I were to ask to be sexual with other women since I don't seek male attention? I do not want an open relationship and she respects my want. But the conversation has arose numerous times now. I can't help but to say that I would feel the relationship somewhat tainted afterwards if she would go about perusing her wish, only to come home and lay next to me in our bed, after she's been touched the way that only I touch her, by someone else. Is this because I am younger than her, or because I would just rather not share my girlfriend and lover.

Why can't we be pleased with each other, instead of risking and damaging the relationship or one or the others emotions for 30 minutes of cheep meaningless sex with another?
comohomo comohomo
22-25, F
3 Responses Sep 12, 2012

The fact that she can be honest with you about her feelings and sexual desires in your relationship is a good thing. What is most important is that you and her set clear boundaries for how you would like this relationship to progress. It is important that you not compromise a your values just so she can be happy. If you did you would not be taking care of you and that can lead to dependency and loosing yourself in the relationship. What you need to ask yourself is whether she her seeking intimacy with another is going to cause emotional damage to you, and from what you wrote it appears to be so. Yes it is possible to simulate sex between a man and a woman in a lesbian relationship and to me it feels exactly the same, however my wife and I don't participate in that because its a "replacement" for a man. It is just another way that we connect with each other in the act of intimacy. Regardless if you two use toys or not I think that your girlfriend is still exploring her sexuality and may not be ready for a monogamous relationship at this time. You can find a partner that respects and values monogamy with you. Love and nurture your own feelings and everything else will work out in the end.

sounds like she does not love you. Most likely you are a treasure, and deserve to be loved.

I only have open relationships, but they only work if both of us are down for it. You are being completely reasonable and your argument is sound. I don't know what her bisexuality has to do with it, but either way if she wants to sleep with someone else then that would open your relationship up. Its not fair for her to use her being bi as an excuse to sleep with someone else. I wouldn't share her if you are not comfortable with it, doing that only opens the door for negative feelings..at least that's how its been with my relationships...

Can one be fully satisfied with only one partner, despite being in open relationships in the past, and with same-sex partners as well? Like in my situation.. I just don't know how to approach her about it in a way that clearly states my view..

For me honesty is always the best way to clearly state how you feel, leave no gray area for misinterpretations. In my case I wouldn't say I was unsatisfied by only one partner, I really just like sex with different types of ladies. Emotionally I was complete and sexually I was very happy with my wife. When I start off with a potential partner, I tell them blatantly that I do not practice monogamy and let them make the choice to stay or go. I cannot change that about myself and she might not be able to either. I would just talk about it, she may be able to happily remain in a closed relationship. For me though my partners understand that aspect of me will not change, I've tried to force it and it is not pleasant for anyone involved. I hope I helped, good luck.