Please Help. New To This And Freaking Out!

Hi everyone,

I am in need of advice from all you wise women out there. :) I am 39, and I've only been out of the closet for a few months. Most people took the news o.k, but some haven't, and that's o.k. too. I just got to the point where I realized going to my grave with this secret was no longer an option. Literally, I was killing myself with my lie. I've been married for 17 years, and I always considered myself bisexual. I remember thinking that I found "attractive people attractive" when I was a teenager. I think I was just afraid to embrace the feelings that I was having toward females. Growing up in a very Catholic family, I knew that telling them I'm a lesbian wouldn't be taken well. So, I went down the road that I thought would be easier, and married my husband. He was heartbroken when I told him three months ago, but since then or relationship has evolved into a close friendship. We have filed the divorce paperwork, and I'll be moving out of our house in 20 days. We both know that this is the best decision for both of us, but I've never lived alone, and that scares me to death. My main question is this...How much time should I take before I start dating women? I want to start right away, but there's another part of me that worries about my state of mind. I don't want to make any more decisions that I'll feel guilty about. I also don't want to search for someone to fill the void that I'm feeling because I'm alone. I just want to be ready before I put myself out there. Any advice will be appreciated. PS...I live in a town with only one lesbian bar. I don't want to make a bad impression. :)
tany321 tany321
36-40, F
5 Responses Sep 16, 2012

aloha just go out.....have fun, flirt if u know how and learn if u don.t.....and be open and honest with those ones u meet up with about your situation.....honesty will bring better relationships, either friends or lovers and in the long run, u all win......go gyrlllllll seastars

Right now, you need nothing more than a true friend it sounds like to me! I totaly feel you on not wanting to be alone. I cant stand lonliness myself. Luckily I do at least have my daughter. However what ever you do end up desiding on, I can only wish the best for you sweetie!

Wow. I am going through this same thing. I have been married 15 years and have 2 children. I am in the process of a divorce. I'm not sure I have any advice either, but I can offer friendship and support, two things I could use myself! Take care and know that you are not alone...

Hello...your story moved me to the point of joining this site so I could respond to your post. I am in a very similiar situation. After 24 years of marriage, along with children, I could no longer deny my attraction to women and the person that I am. I am in the process of getting a divorce and my husband and I are still friends. I have many of the same questions as you. Although I do not have any advice, I would love to chat with you as I feel we could help each other through this difficult time. Take care..would love to hear from you.

Yes, definitely. We are definitely in the same boat. Thank you sooo much for your response. Where do you live? I'm in Nebraska, and I don't feel like there are a ton of people like me out there. :) I'll message you so we can be there for each other. Thanks again! Your post means so much to me!

I guess dating in general is a way of being with people you want to be with so that we don't feel alone at any one given time when we actually have free time. There is no reason for you to feel guilty about anything as far as having any type or kind of remorse concerning your marriage. If you feel emotionally ready to date then do so. However, let me just say this, you have to decide what it is and for what reasons you are dating as it really can play with your already fragile emotional state you might currently be in right now. Finally, if you feel ready to actually go dating then go for it after all you are the best person to ask yourself that question and only you yourself can only successfully answer that question. I hope I made some sense to you about this. Good luck and congrats (if that is appropriate to say).

Thank you. I know you're right. I probably need to do some soul searching before I put myself out there. I tend to rush things in my life and this is one thing that I don't want to mess up because I'm in a hurry. :) Thanks again! Big hugs to you!

Just remember a couple things: You are not alone in this because there are 10s of thousands of US out there that have already gone through this or are now going through this and you need to be proud of who you are as a person and not let others dictate who you can or cant be.