Fences

I'm 5'8", 19 years old, more towards the 20 end, but you could say I'm still a teen... I used to be the sweet girl next door, long, brown hair, braces and good grades. When I got out of school, though, with the help of a supportive friend or two, I cut my hair and started dressing in a way that reflected on the outside how I felt on the inside.

Ok, so for the last 4 years, I have thought I was bi, but each day it's seeming less and less likely that I'm ever crossing back over the fence. I've got an amazing girlfriend, being with her feels so natural, as I'm sure most of you on here know :) I had been with a few guys before I found my girl and now it seems that it was all some kind of strange dream.

Let me get one thing straight, I know deep in my heart that this isn't wrong, loving a woman feels so right, so intricately a part of me. Society, not all of it, but some of the people who have voices like to exercise prejudice against people who don't fit their mold and aren't "normal". So when I thought I was bisexual, I was half normal and half not, I could get away with it. I could be with guys and keep these feelings about girls to myself and within my close friends. But now its unavoidable, I'm not "normal". Not to a lot of people, even those who think they don't have a problem with it.

I don't see myself as a victim, but at the same time I didn't choose this as people say. I wouldn't trade the life I have for the world, but I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with myself. We can build up a hard skin and I'd like to think that what other people think of me doesn't affect me, but the thought of telling influential people in my life, like my parents and my bosses, that I'm gay terrifies me.

I'm here to learn, to share.. It sounds corny, but I really want to know about your experiences and maybe I can figure myself out?
kallykal kallykal
18-21, F
3 Responses Nov 27, 2012

I am 19 years old and I have been dating the same girl for a year and a couple months. I came out to my parents a year ago in January because I feel like the girl I am with, is the one for me. She makes me so happy and I wanted my parents to know how happy she made me. I was still in high school so I was scared, but I knew that I was leaving in a few months for Basic Training for the National Guard so I was getting out of there soon. So I sat them down one night and just came out with it. My dad was sort of surprised but he said that he completely loved me still, and he asked if my mom had anything to say. She just looked at me. So I packed up a bag of stuff and walked out the door. It occurred to me that if she could not say anything, that it wasn't worth the time and/or pain to keep trying to prove that I was the same person she thought I was, I am just in love with this amazing girl. I still to this day struggle with the fact that my mother doesn't love me anymore, but I found it easier to come out to my parents, then keep this huge secret about who I truly am. Just remember, that there are always people who will support you, and love you no matter what.

Hey :) Yea, I've joined the Queer Society at my uni and I'm hoping to go along to their events and things to just hang out with people like me. You're so right about people not caring much about who is gay and who isn't, I think it's an irrational fear and in the end, it doesn't matter what they think. I'm losing sleep over it, I think it's just because I'm coming to terms with myself, its the strangest feeling having to accept something about myself that is so inherent.

Hey! I'm 19 also, and I haven't come out to my parents yet either. The hardest part for me was coming out to myself though. For a long time and maybe even a little now, I still feel uneasy with my sexuality, but it depends who I'm around. I've been going to this LGBT club at my campus and that has made me feel more comfortable with myself because no one really cares, and I'm constantly exposed to things such as gay rights and problems that queer people encounter and what not.. I've never had a girlfriend, but I did have one boyfriend in high school. At the time I didn't even think that I was gay, but when I started college I realized that I found myself more attracted to girls, and that I could picture myself being with a girl for the rest of my life. It's hard to think of it as being "normal" since everyone else thinks otherwise. But I think I'm slowly coming to a realization that anyone can love anyone. I think you should surround yourself by people you feel comfortable around. And I think the more you expose yourself to other gay people, the more you will feel like you are "normal." But I think you're completely normal! It's not wrong to love someone :) And honestly I feel like most people nowadays don't really care if you're gay because they're more worried about their own problems, not yours. Just know that you're not going through it alone, and that you are normal!!