Letting Go Of Love

This is quite a long story, so sorry if it takes time for you to read, this is my first time to write this kind of thing and share it to people I never knew. :) Enjoy reading! :)

I've been friends with this girl (M) since our Junior Year in College. We go to the same school, same class and we have the same circle of friends. I fell in love with her during our Senior Year. It was on a summer, the month of March to be exact. She had just got out of a relationship with a friend of mine who is a lesbian (J) and is also in our circle of friends. It is during the 3rd week of Feb. our Sports Fest in our school when they broke up. During their break up I was M's crying shoulder, comforter, adviser and her best friend. We've been like a "couple" during that time because we texted each other all day long with exchanges of sweet messages, she wakes me up in the morning by calling me, she waits for me to come to class, we eat together & she also kisses and hugs me but I know it's just friendly so I don't care and I don't like her, well I can say she's a bit a clingy that's why she's like that. Some of our friends would say to me that I might fall for M, but I told them not to worry because I don't like her and I have someone in mind that she might like and I'll be the "bridge" to bring them closer together, it was my best friend who is a guy who has a crush on her and is good looking too and I know that she'll like him!

Came the last few days of our Sports Festival when I had the chance to start on making my best friend and M closer together, well they know each other but not that much, so, I started by borrowing M's phone and sending a text message to my best friend if he want's to eat lunch with me and M but he replied that he is too shy and maybe some other time, so I didn't insisted him. During that day I told my best friend that it was M's phone number that I used to text him and that he must text her again, and so he did. And it worked, they got along very well, they go out together but I must be with them because my best friend is too shy so I always go out with them that I looked like a chaperone. I was at the same time feeling guilty for J cause I know that she's still not okay and yet I'm doing this.

It was March then when our group had been divided because J and few of our friends have been in the list for the one who's attending the removal class for a month. Removal classes started, so J and I were hanging out for sometime and I had been spending my time with my best friend and M. And I tell you, they we're falling in love faster that I thought. That's the time I felt uncomfortable being around M and my best friend. I sometimes get jealous when I see them go out I told that myself that this is wrong, I must not feel jealous because at the first place I wanted them to end up together but I wasn't expecting this to happen, but I am falling in love with her! I get jealous whenever I see them, so I told myself that this is wrong and I must not fall deeper with her so I had to limit my texts to her and sometimes I don't talk to her at school and she started to ask me what's wrong and I always tell her that nothing is wrong. I haven't said anything to my friends about what I'm feeling and when I couldn't handle it anymore I asked them to join me for a drink and that is when I've had let it out and they told me that this would happen and ask me that it is best to avoid her.

I started avoiding her, and she started to ask our friends what is wrong me and they will answer that nothing is wrong but she keeps on insisting that I am hiding something. At some point she cried because I wouldn't speak to her, and I was about to cry too but I went outside and cried at J's arms and I told her that I am in pain too see M cry and they told me to tell m what is really going on with me and why am I acting like this but I just don't have the courage to say. It was March 30 when I finally told her what I feel for her and told her that I love her more than a friend and her response we're "I do love you too" and I was like, WTF! I can't believe it! Did she really meant it? when she said that she loves me too? I felt so happy that day, we did texted each other again the whole day and the other day and the other day like we are a real couple but it just hit me. What will my best friend say? He'll be so mad at me that he might not want to see me his entire life, and I didn't want that to happen! My best friend, gone forever just because of a girl. And that's when I became confused. I asked my friends what is best and they told me to give up the girl. Give up the girl that I loved so deeply that it would break my heart to pieces to give her just like that, with out even fighting for it. But who will I choose? My best friend or the girl?? I had a very hard time thinking who should I give up, but I finally had my choice........ I would give up the girl that I love even if it breaks my heart into pieces, for my best friend because I don't want to ruin things between him and me. The night of April 2 I went to M's house to say goodbye to her, I was crying while she was hugging me and she's telling me not to cry. I was crying when I told her these words "I can't lose you, you know I love you, I just can't." and she's telling me too that she doesn't want to lose me. But then again I told her that I must leave her and that she's gonna be a great girlfriend to my best friend, my heart was breaking into pieces and I can't handle it so I hugged her tightly and told her that I must be going, she gave me her last kiss and I went off. After that we still had this thing going on because she still keeps on texting me and told me that she loves me more that she loves my best friend.

After a couple of days, I decided to give her a ring and told her to wear it and she did that. The day after that we pretended that nothing happened between us. It was on April 18 when a friend of mine told me that M and my best friend had been together since Apr 2 and that M and my best friend just couldn't tell me. I was so shocked and I cried so much. I can't believe at they made me look like a fool! I was really mad at them, I just couldn't help it! When I have calmed down I texted my best friend that I would like to talk to him but he didn't want to because he might just say bad things to me, and I was like okay, i needed to give him some time and space. I wanted to clear things up and tell him my side but he just wouldn't listen and he's so mad at me.

After a day or 2 one of our best friend came up to him to tell him that he needs to hear my side so he decided to walk up to me and talk to me because he told me that he had heard M's side of the story. I thought that M told her all the things that she had said to me but she didn't, so I had to tell my best friend so he can understand clearly what happened, and he was so shocked and he cried to me that day, so I told him that everything's gonna be okay and I won't do anything to hurt him again and he said sorry and I forgave him. During that day also, he gave M a second chance to work out things between them. After that day the two of them doesn't talk to me anymore, like i'm just a stranger, and it hurts me so much. I thought me and my best friend we're okay but I guess I was wrong. Although it had been a long time since I last saw M, I still miss M her and I miss my best friend too but it's just the way it is and I have to accept it, I have to accept that I lost both of them. So much for giving up my love, if I knew this would have happened I'd rather chose the girl. :(
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Dec 4, 2012