Sad Depressed And Oh So Confused

i have been with my girlfriend for over 9yrs now.Recently i've found out that she's cheated on me twice. The hurt and betrayal is unbearable.Working through this is very hard when the trust has been broken.Istill do love her very much but i'm saddened by what happened and how it happened.I am confused because at times i just want to give up and walk away because i don't believe that she should have played me out like that and lied to me for soo long.I don't know if we can get through this.At times it's so hard to hear her speak and have to constantly wonder if she's being honest or if it's lies again.I got into this relationship because i truly believed that i found that person that i could grow old with and want to share my life's worth of memories also. I'm praying that sooner rather than later i get to see the light that will let me know what direction this should go in.
charmingbaby charmingbaby
31-35, F
3 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Omg I know the feeling I having the same ploblem is so bad sorry dear I hope I the best

My opinion is: No relationship after one partner has cheated will ever be the same. If you look at cheating, it basically breaks the 2 basic simple rules of being in a healthy relationship.... HONESTY & TRUST. Both are the same and if you have given them that part of you and the disregard it no matter how slight.... it's NOT ok. Everyone has the ability to make choices. If they make a choice to disrespect you or lie to you, they are not worth keeping. They basically don't love you as much as you wish they had.

Good advice.

She made a mistake, fair enough, we all make mistakes. She made the same mistake again? Unlikely. I'm really sad to say (especially as you've been together for so long) that phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" it's kinda true for a lot of people.
Perhaps it might be worth considering this point of view...
For you personally, she was "the one" in lots of ways. That's great, hence why you never cheated on her, I presume?
But for her, are you "the one"? If you were, why would she possibly want to cheat? Is it as simple as that? No I doubt it is. But it's worth pondering that for a while if I were you, before you fall in to the trap of constantly blaming yourself for things you could've been doing to make the relationship more solid or whatever.

Something you don't go in to any detail over is the circumstances under which she cheated on you. You mentioned that its specifically upset you how it happened but don't say how. I'd have a lot more advice to give you if you explained a bit further as to how the two occasions came about on her part.
For example, if you two had a big fight, she went out got really drunk with an old friend and accidentally gave in to temptation, under the influence, with a friend who was only after one thing at the time, then you can almost be forgiven for making a mistake like that.
Whereas out-and-out cheating, completely sober, continuous, with no thought of telling a partner about the situation, purely selfish behaviour like that is a lot less forgiveable.
In my own opinion, that's all. I'm not right or wrong, but I just think there are different circumstances.
Anyway, let me know how things are and if you need any more advice give me a shout on her.
All the best.
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