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When She Started Talking.

The end of this summer 2012, there was this night my lesbian friend asked me to come to the center of the city to have a drink with her and a few other gay, bi - people. And my best gay friend was invited too. Unfortunately he wasn't able to come. So this night I was in companion with very nice people, but I couldn't depend on them. At least that's what I thought. Because my lesbian friend, wasn't really someone I would hang with. She had a crush on me, and I rejected her and now she's kinda making some moves in other ways. She's a friend of my best gay friend. She was trying to get my attention, and she is very brave to make a move when we went shopping, she held my hand and asked 'do you feel something' I was frozen and shocked. Yes I felt something, I was kinda intimidated. She kept asking when we would meet again. And honestly I kinda kept her on a string. I wasn't true to her. I didn't say clearly that I was intimidated by her action. So yeah I answered on her question 'Hey I need a scarf, you can help me with finding one :).' That's what i said. So we met each other again and we were walking but she kept coming closer so with baby steps I tried to walk a bit away from her, just not too close. So after purchasing a scarf we went to the Mac Donalds and it felt so awkward, i saw her looking in my eyes, so I kept looking away. End of the day I hugged her and I went home. Not so long after she Whatsapp'ed me, ' Wanna see a horror movie with me?' I couldn't say yes or no because I actually didn't want to but saying no is mean. So eventually I said yes. So that was next week Saturday's plan. Meanwhile she said to my best girlfriend that she is invited to her place to watch a movie together. And said if she wants to she can bring me with her. So she indirectly invited me. Which I find pathetic, she could have asked me. But this feeling was weird and new, someone taking so much effort to see me. Maybe I did develop some feelings for her. But I think they weren't real because she kinda 'made' me to. I've never felt this feeling before that I get attention from a girl., but she's so not my type. I more, want this cute, ***** girlfriend that I can encourage her and support her for doing the brave things. So I can be the daring, brave but also the ***** kind of girlfriend hahah :) Anyways I so didn't want to go to a horror movie with her. And that day that we watched a movie together, when I was about to cycle 35minutes to home, I hugged her (that's what I do when I leave) but she almost kissed me, my heart was throbbing and pumping. It was more of the, OMG I'M SO AFRAID. I stepped back.... and cycle with my friend home. And later that evening, I msg her that I was only interested in being friends, so maybe we shouldn't watch a horror movie together. I was about to blow our plans. But she said, I respect your choice, but we can still go as friends :). I thought by myself, you're right, what could go possibly wrong if you just said you respect my choice? Well that Saturday night, was horrible, I was sitting in the cinema and.. she tried to make a move again. WHY?!?!?! I thought you knew I'm not interested in you! How ignorant can you be??..... I wasn't even planning to keep in touch with her. But my gay best friend kinda made me to because he hangs out with her. So one year later after that, she had two relationships that ended. And me still having no- experience at all. We started to talk to each other. So back to the begin, she said I should meet her with some gays and bi people, and we went to a gaybar in the center of the city. I met a few new people and we were with four girls including me and four boys. And I fell so hard for that girl. So the whole night I tried to talk with that girl. But she was a bit of closed. The end of that night like the last 15 minutes, I told her to add me on her phone, and she did!!! So I asked if she had a girlfriend, yes of course she does. This pretty girl obviously has a girlfriend. sigh. So being disappointed, I went home. The next day, I got a text message of her, saying if I was safely home. I was so surprised and happy. The few days after I saw her a lot. But it was really wrong to like her, knowing that she has a girlfriend. So I tried to figure out how her girlfriend was. I added her on facebook. And talked to her ( we met earlier). And turns out, despite her appearance, her personality is so awesome. So I stopped being head over heels for this girl. But we made some plans because my best gayfriend and their best gayfriend like each other. So we were planning to go to this big gay club/event. We all went with a couple of other people. That night, I almost got a sexy lapdance from stranger, and attention from girls. Which I really liked of course. And this girl I fell for, was still attractive... She was a bit drunk and she danced with me, but it felt awkward to dance with her. Her girlfriend was there, I didn't want to be the reason that they would split up. So travelling back took 8 hours. We had to wait 2 hours, and the train went first to Amsterdam and then The Hague, after that it didn't go further than Rotterdam. So we took a break there and bought breakfast. Finally when we almost arrived home, we all stood up, and I saw the *** of this girls girlfriend. I was like... OMG... so hugeee!, She did mentioned that her *** was big before. But I thought she was joking. So my eyes turned out like this O_O. Anyways.... I didn't hear much from them anymore. But my gayfriend has a boyfriend^^. So later on.... like three months later, these girls split up. Because one of the girls started to feel less to her partner. This ONE day, I forgot my cellphone at home and had to work all day!! I was spammed with, 'they split up'. Can't believe that they split up, but they did. So maybe it was my time to make a move. So i msged her, if she was feeling okay. She wan't that open as usual. And later on I heard she had feelings for someone else. On facebook, there was this pictures that she was kissing another girl. And suddenly she started talking..., that she didn't cheated on her last girlfriend, just out of no where. I said, I've never suspected that you cheated on your ex. So it was a bit strange that this came out of nowhere. She was for the first time open about it. about her last relation. And I said, Isn't it a bit fast to have a new relationship if your last relationship just ended a few weeks ago? .. And after that I added, If it feels right you have to go for it no matter what people think. It may sound selfish, but after all you can't stay in a relationship if you're not happy.
Bummer. I wanted her.. But her personality was never that great. Her ex's personality looks even friendlier.. or is this... because I don't know her that well? I don't know. I finally got over her... because my time will be there too.. someday! haha

Even though I have to admit that my heart was throbbing when she started talking. Because she never started talking herself.
funkyshh funkyshh 18-21, F Dec 8, 2012

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