My Dad Hates Gays

Well, ever since I was 6 years old, ( which is as far as I can remember ) - I liked girls. My biggest problem with liking women is the fact that my dad always talks about how he hates gays. He calls them **** and all of the disrespectful words and stuff. My mom is not like that, but you can tell she's uncomfortable with gays and lesbians. My oldest sister, she's my half sister, is gay and dates women and when she talks about it, my mom doesn't like it. Nobody knows I like girls except all of my sisters. It sucks. I live with my dad still because I take care of my family and have very little time to do things for myself. My mom is gone. She's not dead, but her and my dad split up and stuff and she's even struggling to take care of herself. Anyways, if I wanted to date a girl around my area or whatever, I'd have to be EXTREMELY discreet because my father hates gays and stuff. It sucks. I have all this stress, I'm single and alone and no matter what, I can't win. I don't even feel comfortable talking about it to my younger sister, even though she's given me no reason to feel uncomfortable. I can't openly talk about it anymore because I'll feel judged.

My second problem with being a lesbian is that women don't like me much. Most of my life I considered myself bisexual because I was able to be attracted to men physically, but when it came down to it, they make me feel uncomfortable and I don't like the male anatomy. However, because I always lose in the game of love among lesbians, I decided I'd try men.. It wasn't real, but I tried anyways. It goes no further than attraction. I never had sex with one, yes, I am a virgin. Recently, I had 3 stalkers and had to delete a lot of stuff. Of course it was a man and after that, I decided okay, it's enough. I need to just never speak to another man again. I decided to embrace being a lesbian because I felt like I had no other choice but to face it.

I am at a point where if anyone else finds out, then oh well. I don't want to deal with the drama, but I am me and that's all I can be. ( Not to sound corny. ) - It's hard for me to be a lesbian. I feel judged even when nobody is around. It probably comes from my Christian upbringing.


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1 Response Dec 12, 2012

So I have to say that is a really tough situation but at some point you have to live your life for yourself. It is really hard when you fear a parents rejection but I think most parents can learn to accept it. My dad used to be the same way he would make those derogatory comments or "jokes" as he liked to phrase them about all kinds of different people. When I came out to him I was 18 and he basically was shocked and said he couldn't accept it and at first he did not. We fought a lot and I ended up living with my friends for a little while. Eventually he came around and now he is way more open to it all and never makes jokes or talks about LGBT people in a negative way. You can't change them any more than they can change you and I think where there is love it will find acceptance at some point. I have found that it gets easier to be who you are the more people that you tell and the more honest you are with yourself and the rest of the world. You get one life and there are so many people in this world who will accept you.

Side note- for the whole Lesbians not liking you part- why do you think that would be? I have a really hard time even knowing someone is a lesbian unless they are out or try really hard to make it apparent. I doubt that they just don't like you :)

I'm sorry :( Before I came out I basically just referred to my girlfriend at the time as my friend and no one really knew any different or payed attention. Maybe you could go that route until you feel more comfortable coming out or until you are in a better situation. As for letting girls know- it is hard to tell with more feminine looking girls- maybe try joining a group like a GSA because the more you expand your circle of gay friendly friends the more you will meet. Or you could meet people online and just explain you are not out yet- there are a lot of girls who are in the same situation and who are willing to keep things more under the "gaydar".