My Stuggle...

So when i found out i liked girls i was in 8th grade, but i didn't accept it until i was in 10th grade.

Let us start at the beginning

I was bullied because of my weight during elementary so my self-esteem was very low and since the school i went to was connected to the middle school i had to deal with the same people bullying me.

Ok when it came to 8th grade it was just a normal day we were at a assembly, and i find this funny now but back then i was confused. So a girl i knew stood up when the principal dismissed us, and i guess i looked at her in a new light, pretty much checking her out. Funny thing is i ******* swear i saw her glowing (probably from the lights behind her XD). I snapped out of my daze thinking 'WTF!' the whole time.

When i got back to class i couldn't stop thinking about it, like my head was about to explode from the thoughts. 2 weeks later after thinking and looking up youtube videos about girls liking girls (yep i did XD), I was in a daze, my heart was pounding, and mind was racing with this new information.

I decided... To ask a girl out

Now it was one of the girls i hug out with a lot she never bullied me and when i found out i liked girls... I thought she would like me back.

But the way i confessed was ******* stupid i realize that now.

I ******* wrote a letter.

There i said it!

I'm so embarrassed now that i never told anyone that i wrote that letter (Only my therapist knows XD)

Now here comes the depressing part of the story. (This part is me just telling what happened after the confession)

After i wrote the letter i gave it to her but we had to go to our next class which was gym. I wasn't expecting much than maybe a "no" or "I dont like you like that"

But that wasn't what happened she came into the gym came up to me screaming "No! No! NO!" Then she started crying and left every one was wondering what happened

I was confused not the reaction i was expecting, but i was calm and just continued with the class, I was going to talk to her later.

Next class i heard whispering behind me, they were poking me, and kicking my chair. I was ignoring them until one of the asked "Do i like So and So (dont feel like saying his name)"

I Froze for a second but responded "No..." They started to giggle "Do you like girls?"

"****! ****! ****!"

That is all i thought when i heard that, then the rest of the class i was bullied.

When we were dismissed and half the kids were out i started crying and yelling "They KNOW!" over and over

I was angry... SO angry.

Not with the gir,l but myself why was i so stupid to trust her, why did i write that ******* letter!

The rest of the year i was bullied to the point i was about to kill myself but i stopped.

My mind was in turmoil but i thought of 3 simple words

Trust No One

It got me through that year, i was emotionally detached not caring about anything.

After i got out of middle school I ignored and avoided everyone from the school

I went to a crappy High school but there i discovered what i loved to do

Art

That is what got me through everything

Now that i am out of high school i am selling art and made new... friends i guess, does internet friends count? XD

Sorry if this is depressing for anyone i just know everything gets better if you try to make it better and i just needed to vent :P



desirulz123 desirulz123
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 10, 2013

That's really awful.. She didn't have to react in that way. You ever wanna talk about anything I'm here :)

I totally understand how hard it is to confess, especially to someone you're pursuing. I kissed a girl my first year of college, and at the time, I was just messing around, trying to get some guy's attention.
But afterwards, thinking about it, I starting noticing other women in that different way. I not only thought they were physically attractive, I thought they were wonderful people.
But I already had/have a boyfriend, and we're so committed, I've never been able to fully explore this other...characteristic about myself.
Since I figured out I was bi, I've wanted to try dating a girl, but if my parents ever found out, I'd probably get disowned. Plus, as you saw, it is nearly impossible to find someone else like you, especially without consequences.
I hope you have luck in the future finding someone, and that you feel better about life in general. At any rate, I'm rooting for you. ^.^
Peace,
A.T.