Hello, Aqua Here

Hello everyone, I joined this group long time ago, but haven't posted a story yet, I figure I go ahead and start today.

I'm 26, about to be 27 next month, I'm Hispanic, a femme and most of all a lesbian.

I always knew I was a lesbian since I was little. At 9 years old I had my first kiss with a female (she was my best friend) and from that day on I enjoyed the soft lips of a woman. I wanted more, but was sheltered and felt what I was doing was wrong, so I never pursued it again. When I started getting older I started noticing my attraction to females kept growing, but a part of me just ignored it and shooed it away cause I still felt it was wrong. I didn't want to disappoint my family by even thinking of going that way. I always wanted to honor my families wishes of marrying a nice gentlemen.

When I got to H.S. I started caring less about what my family thought and became friend's with this bisexual girl who I experienced with and even had feelings for. She was more into guys more then. However, I didn't care. Then I dealt with society and how people looked down at gays and since I was such a insecure girl, I also ignored my feelings to girls then and started dating guys. There has been only two men I deeply fell in love with and wouldn't trade it for the world, but something hit at 24 when I was in a relationship with a man that really got me to embrace who I was and realized I couldn't hide it anymore. He understood and wanted me to be happy, so he freed me to be who I was. We are currently still best friends.

When we broke up I met a stud, I was excited! Here I was about to be in a real relationship with a woman for the first time and with a stud. Unfortunately as we spoke we learned that we lived in different states (me in NY and her in Michigan), but it didn't stop us from talking and getting to know each other. Then, she popped the "Come move to Michigan and live with me." At first I was extremely hesitant. I grew up in NY and she's just my first girlfriend, what if it doesn't work? After two months of her trying to get me to move to Michigan I finally gave in and said "Let's do it!"

It's been two years now, I'm still in Michigan living with her and it's so miserable. I won't get into the details right now since this is just a intro of me, but I'm sure you can get some scoop by reading my stories on my profile and blog. I hate it here, I want to leave. I'm not sure if she ruined my idea on women and possibly scared me away from ever trying to get with another woman, but I know women is who I want to be with. It's just I'm scared I may give the next girl a hard time cause of this horrible first girlfriend relationship. I hear lesbians talk about their first girl and they sound so fairy tale to me. My first experience with a girl was a disaster and wish I never met her and wondering to myself why did I get cursed with a bad first girl experience?

Like I said I'm 27 now and I'm in no way shape or form interested in men anymore, but this woman scarred me enough to where I'm nervous to start another relationship with another female. Is this normal for me to feel this way?
Aqua8601 Aqua8601
26-30, F
Jan 16, 2013