In A Nutshell

My story in a nutshell;

First crush on girl: 2nd grade.

First girlfriend: 9th grade. Turns out she liked boys more. Tried to come out, but mother flipped out and forbade me from seeing the girl, or being around any of my friends because they apparently were teaching me indecent things.

First love: Also 9th grade. She was my best friend "W", and her girlfriend was one of my closest friends. After a sleepover where it was the three of us and a straight girl, the girlfriend set me up to be jumped the next week at school. Told me to stay away from my friend. Lost contact for a little over 2 years.

In between 9th grade and 11th: Boys. Quite a few of them. Lost virginity. Made a lot of stupid choices.

11th Grade: Moved out of state with family. Met Meri. Dated through the fall. Then got back in touch with W, she came to visit me where I was living for our birthdays (2 days apart), lots of sex. Best birthday week ever. Split up because she couldn't keep her pants on and ****** anyone with a vagina.

12th Grade: Moved home, got back in touch with A, who I'd known since kindergarten. We fell. Hard. I basically lived with her, took care of her 9 year old mentally handicapped sister, lived the married life with kids for 9 months. She even went on a family vacation with us. Found out right after vaca that she had been cheating on me, she left me, broke my heart.

After A, I tried to date again. Met B, who became one of my closest friends. I fell for her in a way that I've never felt for anyone else. But it was one of those things that worked, but didn't. We were great together, but I couldn't see myself "with" her. You know? My friendship/relationship with B bounced around for the next 4 years. Off and on. Never knowing if we're speaking or not. Finally, after hearing some family members spew some racist and prejudice remarks (B was black and such a dyke), I realized I wasn't ready and went back in the closet. I was very insecure of who I was. Because for the first time since I was 14, I was single for more than a few weeks. I was starting to realize that I was more than just a little different. I dated a few guys between the split with B in the summer of 08 and when I met Shan in the spring of 2012. A few guys, a few failed attempts with both W and B. A very abusive relationship with a man. A miscarriage. A rape. A few beatings. But I came out of it alive, even if not in one piece.

And then a friend told me about a support group site that she used. I was struggling with the loss of my baby, and I went to this site looking for a little comfort. Instead, after months of using it, I met Shan. She could see that I was struggling, and she was there for me. She says she was drawn to me. She just HAD to be an ear for me. We ended up talking all through the night into the early morning. By the end of the convo, she asked me to be her girlfriend. We'd shared enough in those hours that we felt close enough to consider that. The next day we discussed the details of our relationship. Monogamy and stuff like that, since she'd never had a faithful relationship and wanted to know what I expected of her. That was 8 months and 4 days ago. We've been inseparable ever since. We talk every day either on skype, AIM, or Yahoo. We have a schedule that works for us. We share our life with each other to the best of our abilities with us being across the ocean from each other, with her in England and me in the US. We talk. We stay up to date with what is going on in the others lives. We know about work, and doctors appointments, and family, and friends, and even our pets. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. And despite having to do things long distance for a while, I know we'll be together in the end.
manniesue manniesue
22-25, T
Jan 17, 2013