Am I A Lesbian?

I have been married twice in my life with men. I never had good sex with them and I don't feel attractive to them. I met this guy online and we had a long distance (I mean dif countries) for 4 years and it was okay. I came to live here a couple of years ago and I'm not happy. I play second life (its been years) and Im a 100 % soft butch lesbian there.
I never had any real life experience with women but I do fall in love online and I have voice sex with a friend and I love it.The first time ever I had sex online I was happy the next day and smiling to myself. Now I cant wait to hear her voice again, even if we know that's only an online thing. I had crashes on women online but again nothing rl.
I told my sisters and my sons that I am a lesbian, I did need to "come out". I don't mind telling the world what I feel (even told my husband that I like women). I never fell  in love in rl, I never experienced passion or that animalistic feeling some describe while talking about sex. My life has been gray and depressive since I can remember. I thought marrying this guy will be okay hes an awesome life partner but I don't love him the way he does love me. My fear is ...what if in rl im not a lesbian? I never felt attracted by a woman rl (well I had a huge admiration for my Literature lecturer and I always thought she was hot and amazingly intelligent). I do see myself with a woman in rl but I'm scared that maybe these feelings wont translate as I feel them once I meet (if I meet) someone. Yeah I could love a woman, no just any woman. I cannot love men. I like to lead in a relationship, I am all jeans and T shirts and more the protective type  . When I play with myself I start thinking about women but then end up imagining a guy with me to reach climax...in rl they don't attract me at all, if I see a good looking guy I even feel jealous of his looks...still I don't know, I have never been happy in my life...never reached climax with a man...how sad is that ugh!
Alexox Alexox
41-45
4 Responses Jan 20, 2013

hey babe im a lesbo too and im interrested in you <3

Lets work on some *******

I never feel in love I only knew 2 men in my whole life and i ended up marrying them because I thought they would make good life partners. It was a logical decision.

Hello Alexox
Why don't you date a woman for real and feel how it's like instead of doing it online , maybe then you can decide what you prefer :)

Because I am married and having something with a woman would mean to end this marriage...but I think about it everyday...

Oh , no don't ever date if your married because its a very bad idea !
I'm dating a married woman and I love her deeply but it's a total disaster and a mess after her husband found out ...
When you first married your husband , did you marry him because you truly loved him ?

Never fell in love.