Is This Rape? I Touch Her All Over, But Never Allowed Her To Touch Me

Hi! I'm Rishana, 24 from India. I've been living with this girl of 15 (a distant relative of mine, not blood relative). I'm unmarried & haven't had any friends when I was of her age, I took care of this girl like her "birth" mother. Only we both live in my house.
A year ago this started when I told her that I was unfortunate for not being her birth mother. It was me who volunteered her to place her head on my stomach, so that it felt like I was pregnant with her. Then she made it a habit to place her head on my stomach. One night when I woke up, her head was under my night top. I didn't mistake her for this.
She with full of affection & love, she asked me what I would have done after she was born. Then I allowed her access my breasts, stroke them, and kiss them (I didn't remove my bra). This happened for about 3 months. Then I thought this was a bit too much, no matter how much ever my affection was true to her. But she said she was addicted to doing this. I allowed her to do this for another month. But one night I found her fondling my breasts in a sexual way.
I got scared about what this girl was up to. I strictly told her no to this. But she said she'll never be able to live without my breasts. She cried, begged, pleaded like she was going to die. With no other option I agreed with reluctance. She took me in front of God's idol & proposed me & said that she LOVED me. This shocked me.
I couldn't bear her torture. I couldn't sleep a single night, afraid whether she'll do something to me. She didn't eat, sleep or talk to anyone properly. Even her grades went down.
I felt bad & took her to my room. I talked about the problem & asked what I wanted to do. She stood full naked & grabbed me as a whole & said "Take me". Before I could think for a while, I hugged her back, this tempted me... and I ultimately clenched her breasts and pressed them hard.
I went crazy, like a sadist, I pressed her breasts until she cried out loud, at first out of pleasure, then out of pain. I was like raping her. I pressed my hands between her thighs, right against her *****, and the girl seemed loving it. I wanted to do something with her *****, didn't know what, and squeezed her as a whole. I kissed her body all over, and the girl was still, shocked... she never expected I'd do this to her, after all this was what she wanted.
She then took her hands down to my *****, she didn't not have a grope at it for more than 2 seconds, before I tapped her hands away, and told her not to touch me. She was puzzled, and exclaimed she wanted me, I couldn't take that. I knew this was unfair, but I didn't allow her to touch me anywhere expect for kissing me on my lips, touching my belly, waist, and that's all. Not at all my breasts or *****.
After that, she tried many times to undress me, or fondle my ***** or breasts, but I never allowed her. And whenever I see her, or wherever I see her, I lose control, and squeeze her breasts, and kiss her on her little *****. And she welcomes that. And then begs me for my body, and I refuse to it brutally. But I love her body, and make love to it...
RishanaJoan RishanaJoan
18-21, F
Jan 20, 2013