(Should I Stay Or Should I Go Always The Question?)

i havnt posted on here for a while, but i just really need some advice or feedback of maybe someone out there that understand or has mabe been throught the same situation...I guess life has its ups and downs...I just feel like a coward and wrong in so many ways. If you read my other stories you know i was in a very long relationship with my childrens father 11 years off and on now, about two years ago we split and i decided to come out as a lesbian after wainting for a very long time..it was tought i came out to everyone except my mother which she knew but it stayed unspoken. I had fun for a while best time in my life got out of control got burned by a couple woman in the process my kids dad got joint custondy of my children as primary caregiver...i got in a tough place and theres the father of my children who truly loves me and my babies, i went home to them..and everythings been good for a while but in my heart i made the decision to come out i got to be with women and i cant stop thinking about it..i want to be with a woman and have a wife someday and just be in love like everyone else wants...but at the same time im here with my family all i have ever know and it hurts me so bad that i cant just be happy with this..and it hurts me the thought of leaving my children again and legally as of now i cant take them with me...like i said i feel like a coward and im hurting inside and dont want to hurt the ones i love...please share