Accepting Who I Am and That Is a Lesbian

I finally accepted it totally last night.  Im 18 and just started college. I never dated in high school because I couldnt figure out what was wrong with me. Why was I looking at the cheerleaders when the other girls were looking at the football team? Maybe I'll grow out of this when I get a bit older. Ive been trying to like guys for the longests time and its bound to happen eventually right?

So I get to college and I hear about this club called the OUT club. It's a group for gays, lesbians, transgendereds and their allies. So I figure maybe they will tell me how to "fix this" and go to a meeting. I didn't know I would meet her there. Her name is Amy and she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. She is sweet, kinda, and most of all understanding.She helped me accept that theres nothing wrong with me. We started hanging out and I found myself longing to gaze into her eyes. To hear her voice and to just be with her.  Then one day when I was talking to her about how I still couldnt accept being "weird" she grabbed my chin, tilted my face back a little and pressed her lips against mine. The world melted away and I felt her arms wrap around my back. As if on their own my arms did the same to her and we kissed deeply and long. Then when the eternity of bliss ended we looked into each others eyes and she said "What were you saying?" I said "I dont remember." and kissed her again.

Well I could go on but thats about it. I had a tiny bit of doubt left until last night when me and Amy made love for the first time. It was the most amazing experience of my life and ereased any doubt or any thoughts of this being wrong or evil. How can something wrong feel so wonderful and so right? I love her and I want to be with her forever. I dont care what society says.

 

I just have to figure out how to tell mom and dad now???

stacybree stacybree
18-21
5 Responses Feb 23, 2009

Take your time and find yourself first. This will also give your family time to see that you are changed, in some indefinable way, and they will realise that you are a happier you.

Sounds like you are thinking it through. Good for you! Only you can decide what's best, yet know there are support systems out there if things on any front get hard/complicated. All the best in your journey!

Thanks for the comments everyone.<br />
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I have talked it over with Amy and we both agreed to wait till I can support myself before coming out to my parents.<br />
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They are open minded of gays and lesbians, but there is always the chance that they will have the "not my daughter" attitude and I cant risk that.

Congrats your first love no matter if you gay or staright it is always the best, and you just want to shout it from the roof top that you have found a great girl, but still in this day and age some parents dont want there children to be gay thats what happened to my friend, thats why i have waited, i hope it works out for you and amy and that your parents love her as much as you do

Just my opinion....<br />
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Think long and hard about telling Mom and Dad... Not that I am advocating staying in the closet but you mentioned being in college.. If you are financially dependent on them for your education needs, that should give you a moment's pause. If you were to tell them how would you manage to continue your education without their financial support? I am not saying that your parents would withdraw their $$ support but you might want to consider and plan out a way to continue your education before you tell them.