I Think I Prefer Gay

I am a lesbian and have been one openly since my early twenties.  I was in the Army when I first came out to myself and others, it was during the time when if you were gay you were automatically dishonarably discharged.  I think it was because of the persecution that me and my friends found pride in admitting it to ourselves and in small trusted circles, it was so taboo that just saying it meant you were an outcast.

I came out to my dad in my 30s and spent many years not speaking to him because it was difficult for him to see me as gay.  I think part of him blamed himself for who I was, although he understood that it wasn't about that.  The good thing is that we are closer now and that I am getting to know a family I didn't know I had.  My mother just found out a couple of months ago when we finally reconnected after 24 years (that is a whole other story).  Most of my close friends are either gay themselves or are straight but are totally aware of my sexual orientation.

I found this community in the midst of doing research for bipolar depression disorder.  I am not 100% certain but I am about 99% certain that I fall under that category.  I have friends in the mental health field and other concerned folks who have identified the cyclical behavioral aspects of me.  I have noticed them myself.  It is hard to accept that I do not have control over this aspect of my life; being a nursing student I know that it is a chemical imbalance, but part of me wants to figure a way to deal with it without having to resort to medications.  I think the time has come for me to face the truth of my condition. 

So there it is.  I am a lesbian or gay woman suffering from bipolar disorder who is taking the initial steps to get better

carmen9234 carmen9234
41-45, F
2 Responses Aug 14, 2007

Medication helps for BPD people.

├ľne step at a time. My partner of 9 years, has bi-polar and I have depression , so you can imagine what this place is like at times. I give you a lot of credit being in the army, not everyone has the motivation to do that. "Keep fighting for what you believe is right and true. " Katlin