I Am A Lesbian For One Person

In year 2007, I had a relationship with a guy who fathered 2 kids. He and the mother were separated. We split up because apparently, he got her pregnant while we were together. Then I began to wonder what was wrong with me...why guys kept on leavig me behind. In March 2008, I just wanted to know how it feels like to be a guy so that I'd know how to act properly as a girlfriend. The most convenient place to look for a guinea pig was the chat room. I searched for girls who I thought were "worthless" (i know, it's cruel of me). I found one, her name was Pepper-- pretty, smart, sweet, and a church girl. A church girl-- oh well. So I pretended to be a guy-- educated, good-looking, well-mannered, etc. I only gave her pictures, no webcams, and talked to her with a fake man's voice. So there, she fell in love with me. Everything was well, she believed in me. I was a natural. Until May 2008, I knew something was wrong. I started to care, i started to worry, I started to hurt. I was falling in love with her. I tried to push her away, did things that hurt her big time, but nothing worked. I kept coming back to her. Then, I told her I was getting married, I was dying, I was leaving, etc. But you know, I couldn't tell her that I didn't love her anymore. More so, I couldn't tell her the truth. And so the act continued. In December 2008, I couldn't take it anymore. I told her the truth. I told her that I am not who she thinks I am. I told her that I'm a girl. But told her also that the love was real. And she also told me that her love was real. So we met face to face. I was happy, she was happy. Both girls? It didn't matter to both of us. The important thing was that we love each other. We always talked about being lesbians, and she always told me that we aren't lesbians--- just two people who are so much in love with each other. We were inseparable. We always held hands in public and were not afraid to because in plain sight we looked like we were just friends, close girl friends, or even sisters. But you know, we also had problems. She was a church girl before I came to her life. God was her first love. And same-sex love isn't anywhere in their teachings. We lasted 10 months. We, especially her, struggled with our faith. But we were happy. Oh, yes. We were happy. Last week, she told me she wanted to go back to being a church girl. I struggled for days for the right decision... and finally, I gave her up. And I realized that it's true... that when you love someone so much... you would do anything to make that person the happiest. God taught me a lesson... but you know, God knows, too, how much I loved this girl. She was never a mistake. Not for me. I love her... with all of my heart.

Bethina Bethina
26-30, F
7 Responses Oct 30, 2009

She's sleeping on my bed right now. I asked her to sleep over because somehow I get strength whenever I see her. But the pain is so intense... because she's here right beside me... but I cannot hold her, touch her... and it hurts... it really really hurts...

Life has never been the same...<br />
<br />
Every morning, I used to text her "I love you"... but now I couldn't do that anymore... and it just hurts so much.........

you have a very beautiful story..it's amazing how you two fell in love and respect each other's happiness.<br />
<br />
i wish i could be as brave as you.

WOW very touching story.. thank you for sharing. Truly amazing. Sorry, you had to let her go though... but I am glad you seem at peace with her decision and respected her faith... I am just in awe also.. Wonderful story.. *applauds you*

just two people who are so much in love with each other. We were inseparable.<br />
<br />
me too.<br />
<br />

Don't let her go. Love is a gift , even faith sometime can not rule your life . I know many lesbians who pray together , faith is a guide to your life not a rule. We are all gods children and he who loves no matter what sex still sit in heaven . Faith must never stand in the way of love. Love is our gift a gift we can choose to give to either sex. Lol x

..amazing.. <br />
really.. amazing.. <br />
im serious!! ..wow.. <br />
<br />
pls turn into a book.. so they can turn it into movies.. <br />
because i don't read books.. <br />
but ..woah.. <br />
<br />
true love :]