Help Please! I'm In A Relationship And My Family Doesn't Know About Me :/

           So I am currently in a relationship with this girl, my first one at it too! We've been together for about 4 months, she is out to everyone in her life, I am not, except to a couple of my friends. We're both in so utterly in love. I've met her family and most of her friends which are all very nice and accepting. But my issue is that MY family doesn't! And I wish could somehow get the cojones to tell them! I come from a Hispanic family, btw, my girlfriend is white. (I feel like white people are generally more open-minded and accepting than Hispanics). But I am sooo fear of rejection! I think my parents are homophobic, especially my mom (I can't read my dad, we don't communicate much, although it isn't the best relationship and we fight alot, my mom and I at least can communicate better than my father and I). When I first started dating my girlfriend, she would come over to my house quite a bit, mostly just to watch movies in my room. Then one day my mom knocked on my door to ask me something, and I opened the door for her and I guess she saw the comforter all messed up. Later on that afternoon, as my girlfriend was leaving, my mom gave my girlfriend a dirty look. A while after she left, my mom asked me, "why is it that every time your friend comes over, you get under the bed?" She caught me completely off-guard, and i just said, "no, we don't." And that was that. But we weren't really doing anything except just cuddling, besides she was under my sheets cause it was cold. But anyways, that was the last time she came over to my house, now I'm usually the one that has to go over to her place (not that I mind), or when she's in town (she's from the next city over) we can only do outside stuff, but can never just hang out at my place. 

          So I'm not sure if my mom is suspicious of me. But she hasn't mentioned that incidence since, or asked about my "friend." Or maybe she's pushed that to the back of her head and doesn't even remember now. Anyways, I feel like I'm on the verge of exploding! Because I wish I could show my girlfriend off to everybody, especially my family, to let them know of just how great of a person she is, but I'm so fear of rejection. Like I really want my gf to meet my sisters (I am the youngest of 4 sisters), and so does she! And she was just as excited about having me meet her peeps before I did (though I was sort of nervous lol). And it's not like my gf pressures me into telling them. She is so supportive of me, she says she'll be content and will support me with whatever decision I make. She says it doesn't bother her, but I don't feel right having her as a secret. I've been thinking of telling one of my sisters first. I think she'll be accepting of me, hopefully. My two eldest sisters, I'm not so sure about. My biggest challenge will definately be my parents though. 



          I've been talking to a few of my friends that know about my situation and they all seem to say pretty much the same thing: to not rush through it, that I'll know when the time is right. But honestly, I don't feel they'll ever be "right time." I mean seriously, it's not like it'll go perfect just because it was "timed perfectly." Idk, maybe im being too pessimistic, and am just overreacting. One of my friends told me to just not even worry about that right now, just to cherish the time I have with my gf. But it's like then WHEN am I supposed to worry about it? Am I supposed to just keep on pushing it aside? I already sometimes feel like crap for having to lie to my family about where and with who I'm hanging out with. My gf, as supporting and loving as she is, brought up a good point to me the other day, she said to me, "would you rather tell your parents straight up, or have them catch you on the act?" 


          When i tell my parents, and if the worse really does occur, I wouldn't know what to do. Because a) I cant imagine ever not being on speaking terms with my parents and b) I can't afford to move out because even though I have a part-time job, and am a full-time college student, I am dependent on them. And like my gf said, what if i in the future we want to go out to trips together, or even move in together? And I don't think I'll be able to just eliminate them out of my life  like some people have done, if they do reject me. And I DO know about the whole, "make yourself happy, and not other people happy." But I just don't know if I am mentally strong enough to go over that hurdle. And I feel like I'm beating myself for this, and i should NOT care, but how could I not care when my family means so much to me (though we have alot of issues of our own)?


          Sorry for the length, but I just had to vent. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

newstart02 newstart02
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2010

I think it sounds like you care about your family a whole lot which pretty much says to me that you are all very close. pretty hispanic way! and that says to me that they care just as much and when you do share this with them they will, in time, accept and support you. I think you should give them the benefit of the doubt, especially your mother. <br />
<br />
And plus, if it's bound to happen then time is just relative to your needs and wants

Take your time and build to it slowly , they will accept it in time that you are gay . Its early day in the relationship so don't rush . Good luck sweetie , were here if you need us . Lol x

I think you should take your time, you are still young and like you said you need your family.I don't see the rush to tell them now, wait until you finish your college and able to stand on your own feet. I understand your culture a little bet because it is similar to mine. Family is so important to us, and they are not open-minded about the whole gay life style. If I were you I would think about the pros and cons of telling or not telling and go from there. From what you said you would be losing more than gaining but that Is my view. You think about it and you have your GF support which is great. It is hard to hide and lie I agree with you but please take your time, enjoy the love and build yourself stronger so you can stand tall against anyone who will not support your life style. Sometimes life is not as black and white... Whatever you do I wish you all the happiness. Please let us know :)