My Story Of Coming Out To The World.

I was 15 when i first realized that i had an attraction to other girls. I would get crushes on my female teachers, and classmates. I kept it all inside to everyone except my best friend at the time, which i had confided in. She didn't judge me and we even went on to explore each other, sleepover etc. Well when i was 16 we moved to Florida for no reason at all and i hated every moment of it. I hated that i was being ripped from the one person who understood me. Of course, being a teenager i quickly adapted and went back to trying to date boys my age. Until i met her.

I was a few months shy of graduating adult education so i could leave school early when our paths crossed. She was beautiful, funny, smart, poetic, artistic, everything i could ever want, and i believe my soul mate to this day. Anyways, we began a relationship in secret and it went wonderfully, until my mother found out. She told me i was never to see this girl again, and that i was a liar, disgusting, and even evil for being a lesbian. Oh, i also got the whole "you are going through a phase speech". Needless to say, this broke my heart into many different pieces that i am still putting back together this day. I was forbidden to see the person i loved with all my heart, and my family was disowning me for being gay.. This started a series of negative events in my life that until now, i believed would never end.

I started dating men. I fooled myself into believing it would be easier to be with men, and my family was back on my side. We then moved from Florida to Georgia, and i lost contact with my love. For 6 years following our breakup i was in and out of mental facilities, on a literal pharmacy of anti depressants, and anti anxiety medicine, which effectively had me under a sort of  "suspended" mentality. I finally turned to therapy to help me overcome some of these things that had haunted my young life so far. I regained a sense of self.

Therapy helped me deal with many things. It helped me see that i am deserving of love, and that it is okay to have homosexual thoughts of other women. 8 months ago roughly, i came out to my parents for the second time. This time i was greeted with acceptance, (which was NOT at all expected.) love, and a little bit of relief. They told me that over the years they had come to term with the fact that i was a lesbian, and saw what pretending had done to my mind. So here i am, a proud gay woman who isn't afraid to be who she is, and wont accept being oppressed.

There ya have it, I'm not the best author, but that is my story. I hope that it helps others who are struggling with their sexual identity. Please dont be afraid, and for the love of it all, do not pretend to be who you aren't. It will cause nothing but torment and maybe, your mind!! Feel free to message me if you need to talk.

Lonewolfnykia Lonewolfnykia
26-30, F
7 Responses Mar 3, 2010

good story , congratulations for coming out to the world , acceptance of parents is supposed to be the hardest part of it all ,they seem to be the root of us and no matter we try to get acceptance of the outside world , theirs is the best, keep it up , I am on your side.

<3<br />
Not entirely sure what to say "in front of people"... I will only say that I am glad you are doing better... and I hope I can help you keep doing better. Much, much love, my mehul.

*Applauds you* That was a great story. Kind of reminds me of a lifetime movie I just watched about a young girl coming out, her parents weren't excepting, the girl classmate she fell in love with/lost her virginity to dumped her because they couldn't see each other because of the parents, and she became suicidal. In the end, her mother realized she could lose her daughter forever if she continued her behavior and didn't try and except her for who she truly is. "The Truth About Jane"... very good.<br />
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It takes courage to stand up for yourself and be who you are when it seems like your friends and family will hate you, disown you, be ashamed, and never think the same of you. I've dealt with this myself. My mother loves me, but will never except my "life-style". It's a hurtful thing.... but I learned, as you did.... I can't pretend for her or anyone does more harm than good. Even though I came out to her when I was 17 and am now 24, she's still in denial...and most likely thinks it's STILL just a phase.... or she thinks it something she can "pray away". lol <br />
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I'm glad your parents saw the destruction it was causing you, to pretend to be something you weren't. I'm glad they saw what was best for you and got over their issues. I hope mine and other families will be more understanding too, one day. Thanks for posting your story.

Thanks everyone :) i think my life is going in the right direction, and who know it was as simple as being who i am.

Wow! Must of been traumatic to leave your love. Hope things work out ok

thats great. im glad things panned out for you the way it did. your rock!

Nice. Hope that you're happy now, finally.