I Could Do With A Lesbian Perspective!

I have always been single and have never been in a serious relationship.  I lead a happy enough and successful life, but I can’t help but wonder if I am missing out by not having someone special in my life.  I don’t want to look back at my life and think if only……. If I am a naturally solitary person then I have no issues with this but I want to know that I am for sure.


If I break it down I realise that whenever someone is interested in me I freak out, there have been many occasions when someone has been interested in me and I have run a mile.  I think because of a fear of intimacy and rejection.  I just don’t seem fancy many people at all, but is that because I am not giving people a chance?


I have been confused about my sexuality for about the past 5 years but I think the confusion is not about whether I like men or women, its more about that fact that I crave relationships but do not have them.  I could be with a man or a woman; it’s not about gender it’s about the person.  I am comfortable with that – but issues with trust, intimacy and abandonment seem to be holding me back.


I am an independent and self reliant person and I across to others as being very confident, but when it comes to relationships I have very little confidence.  I grew up around dysfunctional relationships; I had multiple father figures and a mother who just couldn’t cope.  The example I was set has left me cynical about marriage and men generally.


I guess just always presumed that I would meet someone one day, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.  Maybe now has come the time to do something about it?  I am considering joining a dating an agency and going out there and going on dates.  I am not expecting to get a relationship out of it, but a greater sense of self awareness and an answer to the questions of whether I am dismissing people before I have had chance to get to know them and for feelings to develop.  I seem to sort of expect those feelings to be instantaneous when I meet some one, but of course they are not.


I kind of have two choices I either continue as I am single and comfortable or I get out there and date.  Nothing may come of dating, but it will help me figure out if I am holding myself back or if I am just someone is inclined towards singlehood.


I want to step out of my comfort zone, by going on dates!  I actually have nothing to lose.  I’m not really looking for a relationship, rather a greater self awareness of my self with regards to relationships of a romantic nature.

eelarc eelarc
26-30, F
6 Responses Mar 6, 2010

Hey Thanks for all your comments.<br />
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I don't necessarily want to have a relationship, I just to know that I am living life to the full and not restrciting myself from having relationships. As my sister puts everything else in my life if going really well apart from that. She is encouraging to join a dating agency and go on dates. She is lot more traditional than me. But perhaps I do need a kick up the backside.<br />
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I wrote this story a month ago and haven't really done anything towards going out there and dating. The thing is, I lead a full life and I meeting quite a few new people at the moment. None of them have been people that I would like to date. Am I making excuses? My sister says that I need to go on dates so I can develop my confidence towards approaching relationships, because my confidence in that area is pretty low. Like I feel attraction towards one of my friends, she is straight but I have sometimes got the vibe that she may be attracted to me to but I would never do anything about it. I wouldn't know where to start and I would be too worried about the repucussions. So perhaps dating is much about developing the confidence and breaking through those barriers as it is about finding a relationship. A relationship would be nice but it is not something I am going to rely to make me whole.<br />
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I do need to test what I am attracted to, but I do think that is something that is fluid. I think before I said that I feel like I have dismissed people too soon, but then equally I know when i am not attracted to someone and perhaps I am just being a bit harsh on myself.<br />
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Doover I think you are right!

We live in a highly sexualized era. My suggestion is to date and enjoy yourself but don't have sex until you have dated for at least three months. In your words you are looking for a relationship with a person, get to the persoanlity before entering into the bedroom. Good luck and enjoy finding out who you are really attracted to.

There's two sides of the story really. You say you have nothing to lose but you need to look at the bigger picture of what a relationship may hold.<br />
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Starting from the start... I can kind of empathise on not wanting a relationship as everything is merry and sucessful as it already is, I'm the same plus other confusions (but we shant go there). <br />
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I would defiantly agree to what is being suggested about getting out, meeting new people and strengthening your fears. What ever fear you face and get through can only make you stronger. But you have got to test what you are attracted to, no matter what age you are, I realise I'm still young and it could be easy to say but as you fear, being with someone who is going to reject you or being unhappy. <br />
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Other side of the story would be, as a successful women you do not want to let a relationship take over your life. Take up all your time, take it slow, get to know the people you are seeing. Be friends. It's said that relationships come from good friendships. You get a feel of how clingy, tidy, kind, respectful ect. they are.<br />
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I am not trying to put you off trying, I wanna say go for it but of course you wanna know the risks of dating agenceys being people just after sex as well as people like yourself. <br />
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Good luck xx

Well worth all the "risk" All part of living life fully. Go for it!

Go for it, go out there and date. You never know what could happen by taking the risk. Yes, you can be content alone.. but it doesn't hurt to share your beautiful, unique qualities with others. Have someone to share and care with.. Experience a little life with and learn new things from ;) Good luck dear.

its always nice to have someone to come back to who listens to you and supports you. we cant all do it alone and need comfort in others. its nice to have a lot of friends and then that special person to come back to.<br />
You have nothing to lose go for it...............