I Never Feel Part Of The Group.

I used to be a very shy person before. Now I'm 15 and I'm really good at making new friends and communicating with people, which leads to invitations to beach parties, boat parties, clubs, and tons of other places I hate visiting. But I do visit those places, and I do talk with the people with a big smile, and I do make them all laugh and I do laugh with them. 

But it drains me. Every time I am at one of those parties or whatever social gatherings wearing an expensive cocktail dress and my hair in a way it took two hours to create, I wish I was at home reading or building a robot or painting or whatever. 

But it's not just those places where I don't belong. At school, I'm more of a "manager" than a fellow student for my classmates. They expect me to tell them what to do on a project, and how to do it. And I do. I feel they are all somehow bounded and I'm not. I've tried to be one of them, to let someone else take command, but it doesn't work.  

It happens everywhere. I get along better with adults than I do with teens so I sometimes stop by my mother's office to chat with her co-workers. After the first couple times where I felt really good with them, they starting coming to me with their problems. Once I spent four hours teaching them how to use their new database software. 

That's just how I am. Different. I like doing things alone, and I would like to have more friends, but I'm not willing to pay the price. I won't do small talk and dance eternally in a party and I won't follow the herd at school expecting someone else to lead the projects and activities. That's just not how I am, and people who want to be my friends don't seem to understand. 

Being a loner has lead me to feel alone most of the time I'm with people. But it's OK because I really enjoy the time I spend alone. It compensates. 
DinaCardillo DinaCardillo
13-15, F
3 Responses Jul 17, 2010

You're going to clubs at 15 years old?

I kind of feel the same way. I get along better with adults too than kids my age. I'm not necessarily a loner but I'm not a part of the group in my class and I don't think I ever will. I've tried for the past year and a half and nothing seemed to work. So, I just gave up entirely. Instead of hanging out with those people, I play chess with kids I actually understand.

I can relate to a lot of what you said. I, too, do not enjoy making small talk and doing group activities; it drains me. I'm most comfortable when I'm alone. It's not that I'm shy; I just don't enjoy being around other people.<br />
You seem like a very mature, intelligent, and articulate young woman. I admire the fact that you are computer savvy and know how to use technology. I'm sure you'll be able to have a good career, and make a good living. I wish I knew more about it; sometimes I think I would be better working with machines than with people. <br />
Even if you're not a social person, you still have a lot to offer the world, and have a bright future. Good luck in high school.