Man Of Stone, Walks AloneI should really stop doing this, because it doesn't really make me feel any better about anything going on in my life; but at the same time, I find myself addicted. I enjoy viewing people's photos on Facebook, or trolling through Photobucket for public albums. I see all these people who post their party pictures, or girlfriend/boyfriend pictures, their pets, their homes, their vacations, birthday cakes, crazy locations... I see my own pics, and they are self portraits. Rarely smiling, just a digital snap shot which shows the world and anyone who might care enough to see it that here I am. I exist. I'm a part of the system. I'm not invited to any parties, and can't afford to go to New Mexico or a cruise, but here's my mugshot anyway. Add it to the pile of digital pictures floating around the net of people who feel exactly the same way I do.
The truth of the matter is, those photos are maybe a week's worth of good days. I'd like to see the photos of the days they didn't feel like taking snapshots of. The days where they're running late for work, or the dog's sick and needs to be taken to the vet, or the day a rogue shopping cart broke a headlight. Those days. The days where no parties are going on, and people are stuck in traffic headed to a job they may not have in a week, or their Football tickets for the rained out game weren't refunded. No one takes pictures of those days, do they?
I've walked this earth for 31 one years, and nothing ceases to amaze me. I go to the movies by myself, and always sit in the handicapped seats in the back row. I do this because there is much more leg room, and I'm a fairly tall person, and there's usually only 1 seat attached to it. You wouldn't believe how many people just decide they want to sit next to me. Not just sit, but talk about the movie with me. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel uncomfortable or supposed to act friendly, or tell them to move. So usually I just stare at them. And then they stop talking.
People keep asking me about my non-existent wife and kids. "Oh, are you married? Have any kids?". To their surprise, when I answer simply "No and No", they take it almost like it's something of a personal medical condition. Like I have leukemia or something. "Oh...", they respond. I've never had the urge to ask them what that "Oh" means, I'd rather simply leave it at that.
I find that people don't seem to trust a single, unattached, loner at my age. Maybe I give off a kind of serial killer vibe, I'm not sure and can only speculate. I do find that younger girls in their early 20s find me interesting. I don't understand what the cause of this attraction could be, and I don't think I ever will. My friends try to set me up with their single girl friends, and I feel a little insulted by it. It kind of comes off as "Will you get married already? Here, this girl's single, date and marry her!". Like I don't even have a choice in the matter. I don't know if I'll ever settle down, simply because I enjoy 2 very important things: Peace and quiet.
I'm a loner.
TheDarkTower 31-35, M 11 Responses 8 Jan 25, 2012