My Life's Always Been Leaning This Way

I'm only 18 ,but I'm still thoroughly convinced I'm destined to be a loner! It came naturally to me when I was at my earliest ages (I actually almost never spoke, but I did think a lot. I seemed to think other people were telepathic or something!), but mid-grade school through high school, I've was indoctrinated into believing that it wasn't alright to be alone, that I need friends, etc. But in just a few months of college, I've learned to accept my status as a loner.

A certain book I read was actually what made things click for me. Loneliness is an imaginary void created by a mind that constantly thinks that there's something missing. The truth, however, is that I am always complete, I just needed to accept myself as I am in order to see that. Through that revelation, I conquered loneliness. And I feel so free!

I've been working on systematically cutting down any thoughts stating that I need this-and-that from people. It's made me more independent, and way less insecure.

I still talk to people sometimes, but I don't hold on to friendships if they start dwindling. Family, however, will always be something I don't ever want to lose.

I'm alone. I'm probably always going to be alone. And that's okay.

toba122 toba122
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 2, 2012

You might want to start looking beyond yourself too. Nothing wrong with being alone if it's your choice, but you seem to have talents that others would really appreciate, like illustration. I'm sure there are kids somewhere who love to know more about that. Maybe your college has a campus school of some kind or supports a volunteer program somewhere?
At any rate... I'm doubting you'll always feel alone. :)

You're obviously very intelligent, and you write very well. I'm quite impressed with your wisdom and insight. It sounds like you've found the perfect balance of being a loner without being lonely. Take care, and good luck in college.

Thanks, I'm flattered that you think I'm intelligent! I know for sure I definitely have my dumb moments. Thanks for the good wishes too, this week in college is a big one for me.