I'm So Jealous Of Loners!!

In the past I have posted some stories in which I said some extremely hateful things about loners. After a great deal of introspection, I have realized that I was ( and still am ) just jealous. I sometimes think it would be nice if I did not have to depend on other people for my own self worth. However, it's hard not to when I am constantly surrounded by people.
I am not very intelligent and don't have anything that I can say that I am good at. The loners who I have interacted with in this group are smart and have talents. I have met a musician and a computer repair specialist. They have activites they can do that give them a sense of competence. I don't have anything other than...well...talking to people. *sigh*
Although my friends and relations are all great people and I feel very blessed, I sometimes feel suffocated ( I know I shouldn't say that ). Even my username is a joke. A bunch of smarty-pants psychobabblers told me that the way to get over having low self esteem is to ACT AS IF you are at peace with yourself. Maybe some find that helpful, but for me it doesn't work.
Sometimes I think that the best thing for me is to just be a loner. Also, I would like to be good at something other than simply being pretty, sweet, nurturing, or friendly. I would like to be good at something I can do alone...something that doesn't necessarily involve other people...something purely technical, factual, or logical. The only problem is that I'm not smart enough. *sigh*
I can hear you now. "Grow up, quit whining, get a life, don't wallow in self-pity because there are people with worse problems than you!" Yes, I've heard it all ( many times ) before.
At first I worried that if I became a loner I would end up as one of those bitter, angry people who do violent things. I now realize what an ignorant stereotype this is. Loners don't hate people; they just don't need them.
If you're intelligent and you're a happy loner, I am jealous.
Well, as I stated ( and you can see ), I am not very smart. I'm sorry if my spelling, grammar, and syntax are messed up and this doesn't make any sense.
atpeacewithme atpeacewithme
3 Responses Jan 13, 2013

You seem pretty smart to me. Loners avoid people for a reason; they find their own company so much more stimulating. You can get a lot done this way. I'm sure that you will have no problem developing a skill of your own once you put your mind to it.

I dont think there is anything wrong with you. I think you just need to find balance between your social life and your time alone. Also, even if you are not necessarily an "intellectual", there are plenty of hobbies that do not require for you to be book smart, but you have to realise that, no matter what, if you want to get good at something, it does not happen magically on it's own, you have to actually intend on doing it and commit to it, which is why it is important to chose something that truly interests you, and if you realise you don't enjoy it as much as anticipated, trial and error!

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your writing is fine to me. I can understand your jealousy toward the loners who are comfortable with being alone..I guess it just takes time to reach that balance that we as loners need to get to..I, for one, have not gotten there yet, but I will. It's ok to be jealous.