I Live In My Own World

ive spent most of my life on the side line. feeling out of this world. different. my father definitely made sure of that. i was tied down by so many rules; i didn't know what was up, down or sideways. the end result of this was me becoming a nerd to one word: perfection. i just realized this about a month ago, so im still working on it. i was the girl guys liked but never told the girl. so i thought i was ugly. bad acne didn't help. overtime i went from an ugly duckling to a swan and i cant stand it. i just want to be left alone. people see me and they expect me to be this well put together person because "oh my goodness, shes so beautiful. there cant be anything wrong with her." but its not true. i think what bothers me the most is the expectation that attractive people are all about the money and there stuck up. i just want to tell them hey, man i just joined the club give me a break. i hope i dont sound vain. because i lack confindence if anything. i just hate being stared at. loners do you hate being looked at?

spacemaiden spacemaiden
22-25, F
4 Responses Feb 28, 2009

Oh my, so sorry i never replied to this. Hows the loneliness going? For some reason I never really came back to this website- but hope you're well.

Being a loner sometimes does suck, drzoidberg. You feel like nobody understands you. Like your an outsider. Dressing down makes me feel relaxed. Its like I don't have to worry about people looking at me. But they still do, you know. Jealous people always makes me mad. Ive asked myself where is the honesty or even the loyalty now a days. Its hard finding good friends. Unfortunately I don't even have one that I can lean on. I guess I really did separate myself from the world to the point where I never really made any real friends. Or at least that one good friend that you tell anything too. But I think that being a loner has its advantages. I guess we should be lucky that were different :)

yep I know exactly what you mean- my dad did the same thing to me and I use to dress down to avoid attention- I'm sociable and people tend to like me but I have never like fake people and I had met so many in my life that I slowly became close to until I discovered their true colours- Which is a reoccuring thing I attract nasty people! They weren't nasty to me it was just things like they ended up be racist, or they were jealous ******* or untrustworthy-So I became a loner and still am- but don't you ever get sick of being alone- I like the freedom and all that but man there are times when I'd just like some familiar company- Maybe we just haven't met the right people who could be our friends- I know that I need to find more down to earth and confident people who aren't suck ups and who are genuinely nice .. too much to ask? I dunno..But yeah now I'm over with dressing down ( when I mean dressing don I also mean no walking confidently sometimes and just generally not being yourself in order to create some kind of self defence) cos it was restricting my personality- So yeah I get attention but I'm really good at ignoring it but I still kinda dress pretty street at night to avoid attention

I was never beautiful, I was always a strong "7". But if I took special care, and wore the right thing, and had the hair and make-up going on, when I was your age, I could fix myself up to be a "8". No lie. Maybe even an 8 1/2 if that guy liked my type in the first place. But I have am also a loner. Sometimes I like to be in a group of people, but I also enjoy my alone time.<br />
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And I liked the ability to get dressed up and go out on the weekends and get a lot of guy attention at a club, or whetever. But I could also get really plain, on days when I just wanted to blend in with the wall. I liked being able to change back and forth, depending on my mood! <br />
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For you, if you are feeling uncomfortable with someone's attention, the fastest way to kill the subject, is just to say "Thank you" to their compliment, and move the conversation along.<br />
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Maybe sometimes when you are alone, you could fiddle around with different looks. Kind of "playing in the mirror" some evening. Not to be vain, but there's nothing wrong with looking pretty, if you are pretty...<br />
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Also, do not even think about what other attractive people do or don't act like. You are still yourself on the inside, always and forever! That's what people will find out once you open your mouth and speak. That's what make you an individual, and we are each a whole "package". Others get us with our outsides and insides, our better parts AND our imperfections. They cannot be separated.