Nita Arrives

 Hello all.

 The first time I "discovered" my love of womens apparel, was when I was 13. I still do not know why, but I tried on a pair of my mother's underwear. It was like a light switch was thrown. The experience was definately erotic, without a doubt Wrong, and ultimately addictive. At least I thought it was wrong, and I also figured I was the only one in the world who had ever done this !

 So I proceeded, over the years, to dress, whenever possible. Using any means I could find to come by the clothes. At first it was just "borrowing" my mothers things. I even went so far as stealing clothes off of clothes lines at night. Insane! After I got out of the Army came the next stage. I would go to the mall, and buy things for my "girlfriend".

 Always, I decided dressing in womens clothes was insane, which made me insane. And I would "quit". Then I would get rid of all of my gurly clothes, and swear to myself that I would Never do it again. LOL. Start again later by restocking  ... quitting   ...  etc.

 In the process, I started drinking heavily, and using drugs. Mostly cannabis, but lots of others now and then.

 The ongoing addiction of dressing, and the constant need to hide it, and quitting was slowly driving me insane.

 I was married once, she divorced me because of my dressing. But I have to give her credit. She tried to understand, but in the end she just couldn't do it.

 After decades of booze, drugs, denial, stopping and starting. I finally came to accept the fact that I like to dress in women's clothes. And that if it harms no one else, it is not a problem. It is something I like. It is a part of me. And I might as well accept it. And so I finally came to terms with "Nita". Nita is my female expression. I can no more quit her than I can quit breathing. I still like my beer, and once in a blue moon will partake of a little mother nature, but it is no long a necessity to deal with Nita.

 These days I dress whenever the mood strikes. I am still in the closet, and probably will be for life. Only a Very few family members know about Nita. And she is not much discussed. Out of sight, out of mind. Life.

 I fantasize about going out as Nita, but probably never will. Old habits die hard. Nita is a very well kept secret. In the old days it was a necessity. You could literally get killed if you were found out. These days, with the internet, it's possible. But the trust needed, would come very very slowly.

 My favorite place to shop is online. I love lingerie, heels, garter belt hose, heels, dresses, heels ... and I forgot! Heels!

 Please gurls, tell me your story.

 

                Nita 

Nita427 Nita427
56-60, M
6 Responses Mar 11, 2010

Hi, Thanks for tellis us about your start! So is is a question to every one! How meany went to the army to man up and not dress? The after became the CD's TV's and TS's.

Nita...your comment "may you live in interesting times" for me is "may they be a little less 'interesting'...and less painful"...yeah...how to deal with all of the things which happen in our daily lives...including interaction with my "roommate" - a female who used to be - and I quote her comment - a "fetish model" - but her idea of a fetish model is not what a lot of us think it is...<br />
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However, she knows I like to dress up and self-bind, and has seen photos I took...wanted to marry me - for all of the WRONG reasons - and she can be a "total *****" at times...now I know why she got kicked out of her daughter's home...couldn't get along with her daughter's husband...would not contribute, even her time...to the household...not so much in monetary terms (she's living on a disability pension!)..but just boning considerate and helping out with babysitting, etc.<br />
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So yes...I have been "in the closet" for most of my life...from the initial dressing up with and for 3 (of 13!) aunts way back in my early childhood thru 30 some years of marriage to a mentally ill depressive and suicidal wife (who refused to consider it - thought it was "perverted!"), to my late second wife...the only one of the two who accepted it, and dressed with and for me - in the bedroom, provided I satisfied her (repeatedly) orally to completion (wonderful!). yet, I have never told my own family of my interests. <br />
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My daughter once found some lingerie I had not yet gotten out of the dryer, and had asked me if I crossdressed - I said no, I had a visitor...)...but other than that..STILL .IN THE CLOSET!<br />
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Even at the two orgs to which I belong (a BDSM Group and a Femme Dom Group) - who would definitely understand where I'm coming from - I have NEVER been seen crossdressed in public...after hiding this for over 50 years...its difficult to release those very strongly enthralling and inherently seducing inhibitions and "go public!" Besides I tend to be a shy person...the "ultimate form of self-protection" (psychologically speaking)...sighs<br />
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What I have done, however, is gotten myself restrictively dressed up (booted, tightly corsetted, long gloved, huge boobed, in furs), ultra heavily made up, completely powdered and perfumed as a "fetish ****-*****," and self-bound...then when "hot, bothered and daring" gone out on the sidewalk in front of my townhouse community to "expose my ****-***** alter ego," teetering up and down the street in my 6" hi heeled boots, ensnared by my hobble skirt, and locked black leather cuffs and chains, then running as quickly as my bonds permitted, back inside whenever a car approached...admittedly VERY LATE at night - or VERY EARLY in the morning - take your pick - when the neighbors were asleep...or, self-binding, locking, and chaining myself tightly into a chair on the back porch...again late at night...waiting for the key in the ice cube to become available...almost not making it back inside until daylight...but its still, heady, great, thrilling, so erotic and exciting...yet at the same time "dangerous" (the neighbors might discover me if I could not get myself free)...and totally enchanting, enrapturing, and binding to my psyche...trapping me completely in its various forms...<br />
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And yes, I do like Jerry's comments...have read some of his stories...he's lucky to have such accepting folks...I'm just to shy to admit it to most folks I know...

love your comments one and all ... life ... may you live in interesting times ... we all always live in interesting times ... the challenge is how to deal ... like your approach Jerry ... but we all have our own path ...

This reads like a fantasy, but - 3 (of 13!) aunts taught me to dress with and for them...because my drunken grandpa tried, in his drunken rages, to kill all of the "monsters" in the house...they were afraid of men - only 4 ever married - and one had her marriage annulled an hour after she found out exactly what her new husband wanted from her.<br />
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So my aunts taught me to dress with and for them (I was a safe substitute and an outlet for their own sexual needs). I found fetish dressing when in Amsterdam, Holland - over 50 years ago (courtesy of the military) - and have combined all of that into a gestalt which is "Bizarre Suzanne" - who dresses up completely from the skin out in fetish garments, is heavily powdered and made up as a "fetish ****-*****", sensually self-bound self bound and eagerly wanting someone to be bound tightly against her in a hot '69' position for mutually rewarding pleasures...<br />
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And like a lot of us here, am seeking that "ideal woman (the one who exists only in one's mind - sighs)...the one who would accept this part of me and join in...bound together for mutually rewarding pleasures...<br />
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I have this fantasy (one of many!) of "being caught" by others, "all fetished up", outside, exposed and bound for pleasure...and have gone outside on the sidewalk in front of my townhouse (late at night - or very early in the A.M. - take your pick - while the neighbors were asleep) while "all fetished up" and self bound...teetering back inside whenever a car approached - intensely frightening, but intensely sexual...and would love to find someone to do this with...hugging, kissing, caressing, stroking...each other to ecstacy...

wow Jerry, you are a lucky guy, my expereience is more like Nita's without the alcahol and drugs. started in puberty in moms which hooked me for life. realized i was bi while in the army, got out married an understanding and accepting woman. didn't do a lot until we became empty nesters and now can dress pretty much as much as i like. my wife and i refer to her as Fifi. i don't go out dress and dont really care to but wife has told me she will go see the female impersonators with me.

Your story is a lot like so many of us .