Low Self Esteem And Aimlessness

I wake up in the morning and wish I could just lie in bed all day everyday. I don't sleep well, I wake up every couple hours. It feels as if everyone around me is doing things with their lives and making money and being happy and I'm just stuck here, never meant to accomplish anything. I feel like a failure all the time and end up thinking what is the point in doing anything when I'm doomed to fail anyway? And I just feel sad, all the time, constantly in fear of something bad coming around in the near future. I have no idea what I want from my life. I try to cover up how **** I feel by dressing nice and putting on make up when I leave the house but it never changes how I feel or the fact that when I get home I do nothing but laze around in sweatpants with no purpose. I'm lost and lonely and afraid, and too shy to confront anybody about how they've contributed to me feeling this way about myself and about everything in my life. It's like I'm screaming on the inside and it hurts, but I can't show anyone so I just act like everything is okay even though it never is.
hurtingyouXkillingme hurtingyouXkillingme
18-21
2 Responses Aug 13, 2010

First: go ahead and scream - real loud. It may help, and if not a least you actively tried something to change how you feel. No one here can give you a true roadmap for your life, and even if we could it would only be good for a few months, maybe a few years. Here's the hard part: only you can make the choice on what you want to do next. Now the easy part: your actual choice doesn't matter, so don't agonize over making then perfect choice for all time. Try something, I'm guessing will be new for you. Take a class, return to school, volunteer somewhere, get a job, travel through Europe. It doesn't matter. The map, if you really want to know, is the "process" of doing something until you are so uncomfortable with it that you decide to try something else. Then you eventually move on to that new position in your life. Repeat. Your priorities will continue to shift over time - expect it and deal with them when they happen. Right now you want something different than what you have. That requires you to make a change.

I'm very sorry... I can relate because I'm stuck in a similar void right now of feeling there is no actual purpose of yourself. I'd like to confront my mother if I ever see her again and everyone else though I know I'd probably be pushed back down to "doormat" station or be unable to say what I feel with vigor and feel better afterwards.<br />
Just keep pushing through the ****** days, it's definitely not easy but do it. Pick up a book, play games, do something you enjoy or find a complex hobby (example first thing that came to my mind was crochet hehe), go out there and apply for jobs even if you feel you won't be of use? It is good to keep yourself occupied, feeling useful. I'm trying to force myself to do the same, failed once because the manager jerked me around with a lie, but I won't give up.