I Am A Loser

I have never been happy with myself and am generally frustrated with my life, and just need an outlet at the moment hence just want to share my story.

I have never been a social person, and that's not through not trying. I don't have any friends or ever had any, through school, college, jobs etc. I just fail to make connections with people and most people seem to turn on me. I have tried very hard to get involved in clubs and activities etc in the past, but don't even try these days.The only activity I do nowadays is with regards to fitness.

I left school with no friends and went to college hoping that i would finally make friends, get a girlfriend - neither ever happened. Started my career and was mildly successful, had some money bought my self a nice cars, houses and apartment for my family etc, Never was able to fathom any sort of life, just become focused acquiring all these material assets, I suppose as an alternative to my lack of life. Still in all my jobs never managed to make one friend.

Somehow I lost my way, i managed to lose my job, assets etc, and have moved back in with my parents. I am trying to turn my self around, but i cant. Still am unable to make connections with people and I would say become withdrawn. Still never had friend or a girlfriend. My money has all gone, so can not afford to do things that I used to do in the past. Im trying to get another job at the moment, doing voluntary work at the moment to pass time

I have been on anti depressants especially in my late teens and early 20's, but i stopped taking them of them when I started my career. I suppose I feel i am in this hole that I don't want to be in. Just not sure how to get out. I think people who come across me perceive me as outwardly confident, but on the inside I feel dead. My family have been fantastic and always supportive me in everything, but I lash out my internal pain on them I suppose and end up hurting the only people who are close to me

I have never discussed this with anyone, I suppose I just want an outlet for my frustration as I have noone I can talk to.
t12city t12city
26-30, M
6 Responses May 5, 2011

I'm not an expert and I have no degrees, but I have lived 66 years on this earth and have learned a few things. First If you have 1 good friend it may be all you ever need, so don't go out there looking for the world to all become your friend. Second in order to make a friend you also have to be a friend. That means you listen wheather you wnat to or not and give your best advice you can. You be there when he needs as he will be there for when you need. Basicly you share your lives as completely as you can. Let him know when you are having these downer times and let him build you back up. I've found out in these last few years that most people are looking for a smile from someone, or a kind word, or an understanding ear, or a shoulder to cry on. If you give them that not only does their lives change yours will to. You become a more likeable prerson. I hope you try these things and see what happens. Good luck and if you need to lay something on me just let me know and we will chat.

wdominguez2005: wow that is so similar to me. . I guess what the last few years have taught me is that money does not bring happiness! I would gladly have traded my money i did have, for years of happiness. I really hope you manage to find happiness eventually.

there was supposed to be a space between those two topics signifying their separation XD

Reading your story amazed me because no joke, it is almost exactly my life story and current situation. I have had few friends throughout my life, and even then those have faded away over the years. I am to others an attractive, confident man, but I feel at times completely the opposite. I have always had superficial relationships with people, but have never been one to make lasting connections with co-workers or schoolmates, or anyone. Now I am 34 and am living with my parents again. I went through a 4 year stretch of incredible success when I was making over 100k, had a great place, a girlfriend, a boat, two cars, etc etc. It was a wonderful time full of fun and traveling, but somehow I always felt at some point it would come crashing down as it all did. My family has also saved me through all of this, supporting me in every way including paying my bills while I was on antidepressants and didnt want to get out of bed. I feel as if the last two years have aged me 20. I never socialize anymore, and have no desire to ever be in a relationship again. I hate how I allow my frustrations to make me lash out at my parents at times, the people who are the only ones that care about me. I wish I could give you answers but I am looking for them myself. I think being teased as an adolescent for big ears really did a number on my self-esteem and outlook on life.

Smokefire, great comment,"but one is capable of positive change through knowledge, effort and time". I would agree that knowledge is the first step. Although that first step does encompas effort and time as well. I am horrible at maintaining friendships. I seem witty and socaible at first, but I am afraid if one takes the time to get to know me, they see a scared little boy who wants to love everyone.<br />
This life sure isn't easy. It does not come with a guide book. God how I wish it did. All we can hope for is to find something that fulfills us, and makes us happy. And hopefully that passion will lead to many other good things happening. I just wish that all of my activities weren't so lonesome. However I guess we are all spared the pain of being let down by our significant other by never having one. Not trying to be Debbie Downer, but it always seems to come out that way. Keep trying, don't ever give up.

Thanks Smokefire, i hope things work out for you.

I definitely feel your pain, as I too have major trouble making meaningful connections with people. I can make a good impression with people at first, but it never seems to last. Maybe you should try being more empathetic with those you talk to. It seems to work for me for a short while at least, but the mindset can be difficult to maintain... I guess you're either born/raised with it or you're not. Pretty ******, but one is capable of positive change through knowledge, effort and time. You have to make yourself care.