I Am A LoserI have never been happy with myself and am generally frustrated with my life, and just need an outlet at the moment hence just want to share my story.
I have never been a social person, and that's not through not trying. I don't have any friends or ever had any, through school, college, jobs etc. I just fail to make connections with people and most people seem to turn on me. I have tried very hard to get involved in clubs and activities etc in the past, but don't even try these days.The only activity I do nowadays is with regards to fitness.
I left school with no friends and went to college hoping that i would finally make friends, get a girlfriend - neither ever happened. Started my career and was mildly successful, had some money bought my self a nice cars, houses and apartment for my family etc, Never was able to fathom any sort of life, just become focused acquiring all these material assets, I suppose as an alternative to my lack of life. Still in all my jobs never managed to make one friend.
Somehow I lost my way, i managed to lose my job, assets etc, and have moved back in with my parents. I am trying to turn my self around, but i cant. Still am unable to make connections with people and I would say become withdrawn. Still never had friend or a girlfriend. My money has all gone, so can not afford to do things that I used to do in the past. Im trying to get another job at the moment, doing voluntary work at the moment to pass time
I have been on anti depressants especially in my late teens and early 20's, but i stopped taking them of them when I started my career. I suppose I feel i am in this hole that I don't want to be in. Just not sure how to get out. I think people who come across me perceive me as outwardly confident, but on the inside I feel dead. My family have been fantastic and always supportive me in everything, but I lash out my internal pain on them I suppose and end up hurting the only people who are close to me
I have never discussed this with anyone, I suppose I just want an outlet for my frustration as I have noone I can talk to.