I've always been a loser but I've never realized it until a few years ago. Never was good with people, and until very late in life I thought the only way to make friends and please people was to do and be everything they wanted us to. I shaped my personality on that of those I wanted to be friends with. I wasn't myself. So I was bullied, beaten, mocked, taken advantage of and such.
Then there were the parental units. Work took them away a lot, and the little time we spent together was them saying constantly I behaved like a lunatic and if I didn't behave properly I was to be commited to an institution. What a great thing to say to a child, right? My whole family, though small, started to see me this way. I was the crazy one, the child that never said anything that made sense, the child who always had to be watched lest he break, stole or severely damaged anything. Well, movin' on...
Let's see...School: Check; Parents/Family: Check; Work - Check my other story "damned if you do..."; That leaves married life.
I don't have to tell you about my love life, use your imagination under these circumstances. I met my future wife and eight years later we got married. Best and fastest day of my entire life. I later found out that my marriage isn't a partnership, but a domination. She's the dominating one, I'm the dominated one.
So at this point I really start thinking like that famous Demotivator poster with the picture of a sinking ship that says «It may be that your goal in life is to serve as a warning to others.». I looked around and realized that no one respected me, people saw me as a child of 5 in a 30 year-old body, the lunatic mad prankster who never took anything seriously and never did anything right. I had one last chance to prove myself to the world: to have children of my own, to make others around me see that I too could make something right, something beautiful. Then the Doctor told me I couldn't have children. I was sterile. No chance in Hell.
I tell you, I died. I really died, then and there. My body walks around here, but my soul died. Nothing else matters to me. Not people, not God, not life, not anything. I got to the breaking point. My only chance at redemption is lost. I will no longer try. At this point, there's no point in trying anything else. I don't live, I exist. No dreams, no goals, no ob
I realized finally that my lot in life is to be a loser for as long as I'm here.
I'm sorry that I've written this much. I got carried away.