I Am Nothing.

I am 34 years old and I live with my parents, I have been an I.V. drug user for 16 years. I haven't had a job for just as long. Every day I drive my sister to and from work my whole existance revolves around her needs. I am just an extension of her, like a third arm. I have "Avoident Personality Disorder" and I am extremely un motivated and lack and goals of my own. I am getting fatter and fatter and I hate myself for it. I am a disapointment to everyone including myself. But I have no will to do anything at all to change things.
StinaMarie StinaMarie
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 3, 2013

What do you mean by "I.V. drug user"? What are you taking and why?

I have been shooting up crystal meth for 16 years. I started just because it was fun and it made me lose weight at first. Now it just keeps me from completly shutting down into a depresed nothingness dead feeling. I am on a very short leash, I cannot go more than two days without it.

Ever thought about quitting?

I'm not saying that I know what's best for you or anything, just trying to understand how you feel about it.

I think about it every day, and it scares the hell out of me. I don't even know how to be a real person right now, I can't even amagine how I would be able to quit. I have gotten myself into a corner and I can't find my way back out of it. I'm sure you do know what's best for me alot more than I do. I am at a loss. I really sound pathetic saying it but I also sound honest.

Ever ask for help?

It has came up in conversation, but when I was asked "well how do you want me to help? What do you want me to do?". I don't know the answers to that, I don't know what would help. I'm to cought up in everything I can't see things clearly.

2 More Responses

I feel you. :( We need to do something about it.