I Don't Need Reminders.
I cried myself to sleep last night, just about my current life situation. I was literally hysterical, I just burst into tears and fell to the floor. It was bad.
Today, I got up and just decided to suck it up and continue living my life of seclusion as best I can, and to be patient. Well, I had an alright day. No one was home to bother me. I thought my sister had gone to the beach, because she left yesterday and never came back. My brother was off with a friend, I guess. So I had the place to myself for the first time in two weeks.
I was in my room, comfortable, feeling okay, and I heard someone come in. I thought it was my mom with her new puppy. But then my door swung open, it was my sister, "OMG!" she squealed with delight, "I got my permit today!"
I managed to bring a smile to the surface and told her it was cool. The state has changed the look of the IDs and she was able to get a little heart by her name. But inside, my heart sunk and I felt like someone had just brutally stabbed me. It is taking all I have not to burst into tears right now. I don't want them to walk in on me crying.
I am 19. Three years older than her. I do not have my license, not even a permit. I feel like the biggest loser and piece of crap in this world.
See, the thing is, she has this awesome stepmom who takes off of work and takes her places to get things she needs. All I have is two parents. One is a crackhead who doesn't have a vehicle. Another is a single mom who has to work every single day she can. There is nobody who can help me go up to the social security office to obtain my social security card and also the DMV to take my test for my permit.
So, I have had no way to get it and learn to drive. Right now I feel so numb inside, like I could literally just die.