I Don't Need Reminders.

I cried myself to sleep last night, just about my current life situation.  I was literally hysterical, I just burst into tears and fell to the floor.  It was bad.

Today, I got up and just decided to suck it up and continue living my life of seclusion as best I can, and to be patient.  Well, I had an alright day.  No one was home to bother me.  I thought my sister had gone to the beach, because she left yesterday and never came back.  My brother was off with a friend, I guess.  So I had the place to myself for the first time in two weeks.

I was in my room, comfortable, feeling okay, and I heard someone come in.  I thought it was my mom with her new puppy.  But then my door swung open, it was my sister, "OMG!" she squealed with delight, "I got my permit today!"

I managed to bring a smile to the surface and told her it was cool.  The state has changed the look of the IDs and she was able to get a little heart by her name.  But inside, my heart sunk and I felt like someone had just brutally stabbed me.  It is taking all I have not to burst into tears right now.  I don't want them to walk in on me crying.

I am 19.  Three years older than her.  I do not have my license, not even a permit.  I feel like the biggest loser and piece of crap in this world.

See, the thing is, she has this awesome stepmom who takes off of work and takes her places to get things she needs.  All I have is two parents.  One is a crackhead who doesn't have a vehicle.  Another is a single mom who has to work every single day she can.  There is nobody who can help me go up to the social security office to obtain my social security card and also the DMV to take my test for my permit. 

So, I have had no way to get it and learn to drive.  Right now I feel so numb inside, like I could literally just die.

urbrandofheroin urbrandofheroin
22-25, F
22 Responses Jun 19, 2009

are you disabled in some way? I am asking this sincerely, because if you aren't disabled, take yourself up to the social security office and apply for a card. You have to get out in the world to figure it out on your own...its a journey. even the little trips.thebeev

IS there any way u can save up some money and get it yourself? That's what I did, I didn't get my liscence until I was 23! Good luck!

you're not a loser.<br />
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You're still young and you have time to get things together. Don't allow your situation to hold you back. Don't feel bad about not having a license. I'm 23 and I don't have a license, which looks really bad when I type it out. <br />
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You can do anything and everything you put your mind to.

I know what you feel like, I'm 23, can't drive, never had a bf, im obese, and nobody cares for me, I know what it is like being you, but you know everyday I tell myself, today its gonna be a better day, I will learn to do something I didn't know how to. It't not a magical formula, but somehow I find some strength to at least go thru my day, hope that helps, you are not alone!

I know what you feel like, I'm 23, can't drive, never had a bf, im obese, and nobody cares for me, I know what it is like being you, but you know everyday I tell myself, today its gonna be a better day, I will learn to do something I didn't know how to. It't not a magical formula, but somehow I find some strength to at least go thru my day, hope that helps, you are not alone!


I know how you feel. I am the exact same way. But we should not let devastations bomb us down. It might be really hard, but we must try.

I know what it's like to to have incapable family members to help you just live a normal life >_<. My mom is sick all the time and my dad is too tensed and busy. And...they're all I've got now. I've actually never even been to a friend's birthday party. Rarely got to go out. still rarely get to go out...I dont have my license either and I'm 21 !! i feel old lol. In case you're wondering, I can't move out yet, im waiting till im married to my fiance , it doesnt go that way here in Egypt.

Find supportive friends, get out and meet people and they might help you if you help them. that's what friends usually do.

Maybe it's a midlife crisis! It'll pass!

things sound hard,i hope the new year brings many new opritunities 4 you.youve got some rough spots now but nothing lasts forever,count your blessings and wait it out. this is only a temperary setback. good luck sweety

I would bother my parents until they agreed. I'd probly hide my dad's crack and not let him have it til he took me to get my permit. I'd tell my mom I don't care if I am really poor i just wanna get my permit so please take a day off work. I'll even get a part time job if you will take off work so i can get my permit.

I'm sorry you feel like a loser. Sometimes it's hard to ask for help from people you don't know very well. Could you consider asking your sister's stepmom to help you get your SS card and license? Or maybe a neighbor, or if you're religious someone from your church/synagogue? Sometimes parents are just not available to their children. That's the way it is. I KNOW it's hard. <br />
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Also, just because you can't drive doesn't make you a loser. I have a friend who has a eye impairment and she'll never be able to drive, for the rest of her life. She doesn't let that get in her way. She's productive in other ways, that all. <br />
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Being able to drive doesn't make anyone a winner either. Okay?

Oh and i forgot to mention, if you want something that bad, you have to make it happen, feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere-FACT!!! <br />
Be strong!

Ignore nasty comments from earlier posts,they certainly wont help and make u feel worse. May I say this though, you are not alone. I for example do not have anyone to lean on. I was in care for a few years, my mother died when i was young, my father is an alcoholic and is poor and so am i. When i get in trouble or in a sticky situation, i only have myself to get by. I have been through the worst, the resentment, lonliness, the tears not to mention being homeless, hungry,no-one to talk to and going through a nervous breakdown. It will be a long time before I even start my driving lessons or go to university. I'm a survivor and so can you be. Pain is unavoidable and essentail in life. You will need to go through these things in order to cope with future things. Also as someone mentioned earlier, its not what you go through, but rather how you deal with it. Ive seen people go through the most horrendous things, but they get through it easier than others-why?, because they know that there is a future and that they will get where they want to be in the end. Positivity and optimism helps alot. Dont get me wrong, it's ok to feel upset by life's events,but sometimes you have to pick yourself up and carry on.

i'm a loser too, but i'm still cool. i bet you are too. i'm 18, i feel your pain. i have one freind. i cant speak to her because we have a no contact order. i've been on house arrest for a month and a half. you're definately cooler than me. chin up soldier. you could fall alot further.

The troubles you see are not troubles at all, but rather life lessons to be learned and each and everyone of us goes through them at one time or another. These lesson teach us and strengthen us to who we will be in the future. It is up to you how you deal with them. We are all where we are for a reason. <br />
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I had an alcholoic dad and even though he put us through some really rough times I learned a lot from his alchoholism. He showed me exactly how NOT to treat my family when I grew up. I broke the chain of this disease because that I can control my own life. I thank him everyday for his lesson. <br />
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Enjoy life as much as you can, it is the longest thing you will ever do. Best of wishes to you from the deepest part of my heart. Your young and you will overcome this.

i know how it feels when it seems like your siblings are getting it all over you. i lived in colorado for eight years and moved back home to maryland to get a degree in counseling. i have a baby he is two. my brother thinks he is so much better than me because he is married and i am divorced. he also thinks he is better because he has his architecture degree and i don't have mine yet. when he comes to visit he completely ignores me. it really hurts because we grew up extremely close. when i ask him why we can't be close he gives me this crap about how he has changed. i watch his vehicle pull out of the drive knowing it will be a long time before he comes back and he won't talk to me when he does. i hope you will write to me. i don't think you are a looser. lets hope god saves the best for last!

Excuse me, but you have no idea where I live or anything about me. A: I live in the country, we don't have buses!<br />
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B: My family cannot do anything to help me, as I've mentioned that my mother has to work everyday and my siblings cannot take me. My father doesn't live near me and is a drug addict. <br />
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Please read before commenting.

Thanks Topaz. I am trying to find a way and I hope I do!

You may not have a way to achieve it yet, but you WILL find a way! I know you're not the type to just accept defeat hon. No matter how hard it is you will survive it! You are NOT a loser. You are stronger than you realize or give yourself credit for :)

Thank you Meg, without Andrew I don't know what I would do.

Oh hunni.....doom and gloom passes! Don't let it run you over.