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I M A True Loser

I've pretty much always known that I was a loser. Right now, I am 36 years old and a virgin and unemployed. The last time I had any friends was in Elementary school. I also live in my parents basement so I am the stereotypical loser with no friends. I was working as an independent contractor for a newspaper and earning a decent income. I had to quit because they reduced my pay and I was no longer earning enough to support my vehicle expenses working for them.

I have never had any "real" job where I have to work for or directly with people and I don't expect to ever be able to. I am a high school dropout and very, very stupid. I wouldn't be able to take care of myself without my mother being around but she is in extreme denial about how stupid I really am. I am extremely overweight (but working on losing it) and very anti-social.

Just today, my family had a big family get together and it really saddened me to hear about how successful and how much my nephews and other relatives were or were going to be or how well they enjoyed life. Whenever I get sad being around them, I like to drink. All I had was wine, so I drank 2 bottles myself. Luckily I made it back downstairs before I threw up and went to sleep. Luckily, I didn't make to big a fool out of myself. I suppose people who so enjoy life and are so successful need losers like me to make them feel even better about themselves.

I absolutely hate large parties and crowds and I so envy my nephew for being so outgoing and so capable of living life to the fullest. As much as I would love to, I just can't. I rarely leave my parents basement. I am so fearful of people and fearful of rejection. I used to, and probably still do, feel that people will only be my friends if I can buy them stuff. I used to feel the only time I was happy was when I bought myself things, but it would only last a few days.

I have never dated or had a girl as a friend. At my age and for me, sex is really irrelevant. I would gladly accept just to have somebody love me. I would just love to be able to hold a woman close to me. I no longer care if I ever have sex in this lifetime.

I have basically no personality and it seems that I always say inappropriate things or stupid things around people. It is very hard for people to be my friend, because I always drive them away by doing or saying stupid things. I have never accepted that anyone would want to be my friend, perhaps because if I were them, I wouldn't want to be my friend.

socialdis socialdis 41-45, M 47 Responses Nov 29, 2009

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I'm in Houston and I'd like to meet you.

look man i feel the same way 100 percent and i love to do something about it so who is with me to make our lifes worth living and to support each other and to be the winners for once

Thank you so much for all the sharing. I just got 26 last april. I was able to land a number of descent job but always find a way to mess it up. Now, I have come to a point of despair and depression, but after seeing some of the points and elightenment here in some of your sharing, I think I have found my center again and ready to face the upcoming tomorrow with great motivation. May we all find success and satisfaction in our lives sooner.

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You're obviously not stupid. You express yourself quite well. Is there a chance you may have Asberger's Syndrome (which is a neurological difference and NOT a mental disorder)?

I feel the same you do. I'm a 44 year old loser that doesn't have a good job. I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own. I have never had problems picking up girls because I have been told I'm a good looking guy. The problem that I'm having is that my life has been utter disaster for the last 20 years. I have a part time job but all of my coworkers think I have a full time job somewhere else. I can't take the lies anymore. I have been drinking a lot , and I have been getting into trouble every time I go out. I'd rather not get into it, but it just seems I'm getting blackout drunk. I have always been a good fighter but last weekend I actually backed out of a fight. I was scared for the first time b.c I had no friends by my side. I just hope my life gets better but I have been hoping and praying my life will turn around for quite some time now. I know how you feel and I hope your life is a lot better

To be honest, you don't come across as intellectually retarded. That's your low self-esteem talking. Since you wrote this 4 years ago, how are you doing now? An update would be great...

Get off your razz and do something about it!

I am 44 years old and I have turned my life around from age 42. From 25 to 42 years old, I was a compulsive gambler and a womanizer. When I say Womanizer, I meant that I engaged in the services of Prostitutes as I have never been in love. Anyway, to make a long story short, I realize that my life was not going anywhere until I tried to commit suicide. I slit my wrist and and took sleeping pills hoping not to wake up again. It so turns out that I work up in the hospital with bandages on both wrist. My uncle saved my life because I live with his family. two days later I was referred to a therapist who began a series of steps to rejuvenate my pathetic life. I had constant therapies for the next five months that really turned my life around. I had an unhappy childhood and my parents were junkies. I was adopted by my uncle and his family who became verbally abusive whilst growing up. I dropped out of school and starting working at the local Hardware. From then on, I could n`t keep a job because I was always arguing with other employees or I would not show up to work at all. I became addicted to gambling which turned me into a loser. Somehow, I would make a hustle fulling up fire extinguishers on the side and would sell safety items to Mexican contractors. Well, after my therapies for my addiction, I turned my life around and moved out of my uncle`s house and into a decent apartment. I Started making money selling safety items to the same Mexican Contractors who recommended me to others and my life started getting better. I now own a hardware business selling Chinese made safety items, tools etc.. at affordable prices. Two years later, I am worth over a million and I have a girlfriend who is 26 years old. It is much easier to make sacrifices and turn your life around. Do not feel sorry for your self, just go out there with a positive mind and just do it.

Damn! Your life is some ****!!!! mine isn't much better though, trust me I KNOW how you feel....... smh

OMG, I am 52, well soon, on December 2nd and, you know what, no one will bother to send greetings or anything... I believe my Mom didn't want me in the first place and I felt it. So, I've always felt I wasn't wanted, desired, hoped for. When I came along, I was in excess of what was expected or needed or wanted. All my life, I have struggled to fit in to be ok with the people I HAD to interact with. Now, all I want is to disappear from view, move to an island where people like me would congregate, so we could share our feelings of being outsiders, where we could commiserate about being misfits... I love Rudolf the Reindeer so much because of the Misfit Island where all the toys whiche were not made to order gathered... that is my haven, a place where I could just be my misfit self... my honest to goodness self,

I, also, am a December 2nd Birthday....and I laugh because the Misfit Toys analogy is one I use, as well. I'm 50 and am unemployed (mostly) for about 2 1/2 years since being laid-off from my job. I am single...of course...and have to get financial support from my Mother to pay my mortgage....yes my 76 yo Mother! How pathetic am I!!!! Anyway this post is several months old, but I just wanted to commiserate with you. Take care.

You live in your families basement. Is that house paid for?

Who will it be left too? Follow me on this. My uncle lived in his mothers house until she died and he inherited the house. You might not necessarily have to move you could possibly take over that house, or through them get a house of your own. How did they get that house? Once you become head of a household(where ever that might be) the doors will open for more opportunity. See, you can then get aid, such as health care for free. I had some computer training growing up, but much of it was self taught with help from strangers that were willing to listen to me. Also I got a lot of free books from the library and even on Amazon through there Kindle app. Don't worry about not having friends, most adults only have one best friend and one great family member that they can confide in, so don't let these social freaks fool you. Most of them are ******. Loose the weight, without good health you can not become successful. Successful people work within their means, and they don't abuse themselves through self medication or alcohol abuse. Donald Trump doesn't do drugs and does not drink alcohol.
Look into grants for school. Now bare in mind that free grants such as PHEAA usually only cover the first two years and not a full four year program, but the loans can cover that and with good grades you can get assistance to get a bachelors after you get your associates(yes get both)

Remember there's a difference between a loser and someone in hard times. Right now your simply going through a hard time, but you are far from being a loser, you just have to make some hard choices and change some of your bad habits. Right now you are not suffering a disease or debilitating disorder. Good health will help if you ever do but right now you don't have any health problems, and your not a drug addict or alcoholic. Loose that weight and ask for help. Arrogant people fail in life, humble people succeed. You took the first step with this blog, now take it a step further. Keep writing, work out, learn about your housing situation. Use what's right in front of you and you will be successful.

Hey man - I ran across your blog because I'm a loser too, looking for a support group for losers. So I share some elements of your life, but not all of them. Basically my love life to me is a failure because I'm 47 and have no relationships or children to show for myself, even though I have been married (now divorced for 18 years). My career life is a little better. I moved out of my parents house at 23. I earned and MBA and CPA and got some well-paying jobs. I was able to stay on some of my early jobs for a long time , but then I moved to TX and had a lot of trouble with jobs.

If you're 36, you still have the opportunity to turn it around. First, you've got to get a college degree and learn a trade that has demand. Second, you've got to get out of your parents house and gain some independence, before your parents get too old or die. Third, you have to join a community of people where you can contribute and get support. For me, it was photography and and modeling. I met a lot of beautiful women as a photographer and some of them hung out with me when under normal circumstances they wouldn't give me the time of day.

But here's the bright side of what you have told us:
*You're trying to lose weight. Keep it up and get help.
* You drink wine - go to wine tasting events and even offer to volunteer.
* If you're too scared to ask a girl for date (I'm petrified of it), change your thought process to "inviting" them to something you know they would like. And don't make it a date - just tell them to meet you there. For instance, if you meet a girl a wine-tasting event, invite her to another wine-tasting event and just have her meet you there. If it's better for you to go together, fine. There's your "date". Sex happens when you invite the girl to your place for wine and a home movie. But that's later.

* Finally, find some people that you can "laugh" with. If you're afraid to talk to people because you're afraid of saying something stupid, then dont talk - laugh. Smile often and learn something funny by watching comedians. Get a pet. People love to hear about your pets. ( there is a lady at work I just put in stitches every time I talk about my two cats).

Take care of yourself! Hope to hear back from you again.

I'm learning to improve my life by taking tiny little baby steps. Easy for some people here to give you gratuitous advice like "get out more" or "get a f**king job!" All I can say is that at some point I was so sick and tired of being broke and lonely I took the first few tentative steps. It worked for me ... might work for you.

Here, this should make you feel better... I am a 48 year old unemployed, (I have not had a permanent job in 11 years) virgin (kissed a girl (who felt sorry for me) once in my life.)
Now, here is where we differ. I have a college degree and that should not help you to hear that because, here I am, unemployed for the last 11 years (no job, at all, for over a year!) and, yet, I am jobless. But, I have lived in the same studio apartment for the past 20 years; because of the 11 years I worked and because my parents would prefer that I don't live in their basement and because they have helped me out. I see that you are a loser, like me, because you have the ability to do something about it and you choose not to. Also, you have a car. I have never had a car! So, when I look for jobs I have eliminated areas that are outside of public transportation.
So, in summation, this is my story. I am a loser like yourself but I am freakin’ almost 50. You are 36. I am 12 years older than you….GET THE $#@%^$# OUT OF YOUR PARENTS' BASEMENT, GET INTO YOUR CAR THAT I NEVER HAD AND GET A @#$%$#@'ING JOB!!!!
Just remember that whenever the thought enters your mind that there is nobody on the planet that is worse than you, along comes someone to prove you wrong....like me!!!!

Wow seriously I was feeling like a loser but you have the pity party by the ***!! Get out and meet some people. Try to v
Connect to your nephew that seems so happy and figure out what he is doing that makes him seem so successful. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. I am sure you have many supporters and friends but you need to learn how to embrace them. Apparently this site is not foe me!!!

all this talk people reply with about being unique. not helpful. i'd luve to be like others and carefree and not have syxh high standards and not worry. being "unique" is a curse.

iam a 37 yo unemployed virgin. still live at home . not very social at all. drinker.has some friends who have better lives than I. some of em can only summon interest to text me after i have text them.
my life seems to mirror yours.

You're very literate for someone supposedly so stupid. Maybe you're better than you think.

You are not a loser. Or yes, because you are quite sure about it.
I´m just the opposite. People say I´m pretty ( which I don´t think so ), got a stressful but nice job. And I can´t stop feeling empty. Life is not what people think you are, but what you really are. I´m sure I would enjoy much more a conversation with you than with all this fancy-posh people made of appearances and full of ****. Just go step by step, and love yourself more than anything in this world, you may have good friends or family but the only one able to sort everything out is you. Good luck and greetings from Germany.

Wow sir u shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Being diffrent doesn't make u stupid or bad. You'll find what your looking for and what u need to do will happen. If u need ears ill listen to u.

Sounds to me like you should see a doctor and discuss what can be done about your depression. Then maybe you can talk to a local pastor about how much god can help you if you reach out to him. Once you build your confidence with true love and understanding. You can work on fixing yourself. Stop worrying aboit how well others are achieving there goals and start setting your own goals. We have set reasonable and even small goals to achieve them . Do these things and you will feel the difference. God be with you. I will pray for you to be strong. Just remember you are not a loser and the only one you have to prove it to is you.

Have you ever heard of the idea of a "concept driven reality"? CDR is a process in which you get into a repetitive cycle of proving yourself right about something, behaving consistent with that, and then getting results that flow from that behavior, when reinforces the concept, which reinforces the behavior, which produces results, which reinforces the concept, which reinforces the behavior, which produces results, which reinforces the concept............

Are we getting bored yet? GOOD. Forget about being a loser or not being a loser. You are not ready for that yet. You need to just focus on mustering the courage to stop PROVING yourself right about being a loser. If you can just do that -- just that and nothing else -- and it has no impact on your life, I'll kiss your *** and give you 20 minutes to draw a crowd.

I have the same problem, I can relate. The only difference with me is I am a college graduate whose field of study dropped out when the economy began to crumble. Now I'm in a world of debt with no way out working a dead end job that will take me more than 50 years to pay off my school loans. The only friend I ever had deserted me long ago, and when I'm feeling down, all I can do is look in the mirror seeing a face who will face the world alone for the rest of his life.

look don't mean to sound so harsh, you only get out of life what you put in it.

First if I was you I would find job you like even if it is low salary do it part time, go to college and find a course in it.

After you have at least 4 months of salary then find somewhere cheap to live first near where you work then when you have finished your college degree you would also have some experiance in that field you can then look for a better job with a good salary and when you have another 4 months salary then look for another place to live somewhere nice.

Now for friends while you are still at your parents, first have a barbarcue and some food for the veggies and vegans at your parents invite the neighbours chat to them. Watch how they talk to each other then after a while thank them for coming and ask how they r doing if they ask the same to you just say first time doing this so scared that it would be rubbish. Just don't talk to much and keep the talk light and flowing. Mainly listen to the other person and a couple times ask them a question go around to everyone and do the same then afterwards when the party dies down or finish then thank everyone and invite them again to the next month barbacue.

Or you can join a club in something you like or interested in and same ask a fe question about the hobbie and when rhey joined the club but mainly just have fun.

I am stupid also

your story kinda shed some tears on me. no matter what, you're a unique individual. you're nos suppose to be like anyone else. we're only shameful and embarrassed with our own lives because of society. in the end, we're all flesh, and in need of love, food, and shelter. we're all still searching for ourselves.

I empathize with your situation. Like you I come to depend on my family for things and at my age, I am far from independent. My circle of friends shrink as the years go by and loneliness will cause a person to go crazy just as much as anything else. I for one don't believe you lack a personality or that your questionable snippets that drive people away or find offensive, is truly a part of you. I believe your situation has made it such, where your nervousness about people judging you makes you say things that you don't really mean or think about. It's hard to be happy for people when deep down inside, you have so much envy. You are not alone, nor are you a bad person for being jealous. It's human to be jealous and envious, especially when reality hasn't thrown you a bone to chew in a long time - or ever. What can I say that will help you? Probably nothing, but realize that you are not alone with your pain, and that there are others across this vast world, through the wonders of technology, that know of your situation and wish you well. One thing is for certain, you must find a way to make friends. Nobody can survive on their own. Even if it's only on the internet, somebody is better than nobody. Take care.

I confess it made me sad to read your story. I hope your life improves and some happiness comes your way.

I agree with those who say take baby steps in solving your problems. At lease you have identified some of those problems. I am wishing you luck on facing some of these challenges.

Hello... in regards to your post considering being a true loser…with an attitude like that, you will not give yourself a chance to grow in any area in your life. I know this because, I too, mentally bash myself all day long. <br />
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When I am constantly in, "self," meaning, the only thing I do all day long is tell myself what a piece of crap I am, how am I going to ever see a way out of the long, dark tunnel that I am in?? When I clear my head, or in other words, simply not think, and just be in the moment, I have a sense of peace. With a sense of peace, I can start taking actions to make myself feel better.<br />
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To feel better, that terrible, NEGATIVE, useless, self talk must quiet down. Because, just like you, I am a person that is worth something, and if I start taking a few actions to improve the quality of my life, I start to feel better.<br />
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You are working on losing weight...GOOD FOR YOU!!! Keep at it, I promise you this... when we lose weight, and exercise, it is a sure fire way to build esteem!!<br />
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I understand the family jealousy toward successful, happy relatives. TRUST ME... I live in that world as well. I also get the fact that you say that you are not smart. I know that I am not especially dealing with a full deck of cards myself!! BUT...there are plenty of wonderful qualities about myself as well. I know that you must possess some wonderful qualities as well:)<br />
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Sometimes, people like us who have not especially had good, positive life experiences can give us a genuine apathy toward other peoples pain. If you can somehow get yourself to stop isolating, and actually talk with people, you may find that you have fantastic listeneng skills, and others will be drawn to you because they know you are a very understanding, non judgmental person to come to with difficulties they are having.<br />
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Please stop beating yourself up. You are young enough to turn your life around. Take some baby steps, and try to come out of that ba<x>sement, and force yourself to be more social, and hopefully in time, you will enjoy being with others.<br />
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Just get out there, and you may find that you are WAY SMARTER THAN YOU THINK!!!

I have to say that all of this positive reinforcement stuff.....is bullshit. None of this "think positive" advice is going to help our loser friend. "Just get out there"? What the hell does that mean?

My advice: accept that you suck, you failed, you are loser. Posting your little summary on this website tells me that you already have this mindset. That's good. Now, you already know why you are a loser, and at this point in your life do you really think that any of those reasons will change? A few years from now will you be wealthy and surrounded by beautiful friends? It's possible, but not likely. So forget about all that. There's so much more in the world to put your energy into. Don't even bother with trying to be social and have girlfriends. It hasn't happened so move on. Put your energy into hobbies, jobs, volunteering, whatever. Let yourself be absorbed in something outside of yourself. And if you don't want to do anything and would rather stare at screens all day, fine. Accept that you failed and have given up on being a "normal" person, whatever that might mean to you. You'll feel much better knowing your place. Just keep working, even if you have to clean toilets. Staying employed and contributing to society is all that I ask from you, fellow loser.