Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I M A True Loser

I've pretty much always known that I was a loser. Right now, I am 36 years old and a virgin and unemployed. The last time I had any friends was in Elementary school. I also live in my parents basement so I am the stereotypical loser with no friends. I was working as an independent contractor for a newspaper and earning a decent income. I had to quit because they reduced my pay and I was no longer earning enough to support my vehicle expenses working for them.

I have never had any "real" job where I have to work for or directly with people and I don't expect to ever be able to. I am a high school dropout and very, very stupid. I wouldn't be able to take care of myself without my mother being around but she is in extreme denial about how stupid I really am. I am extremely overweight (but working on losing it) and very anti-social.

Just today, my family had a big family get together and it really saddened me to hear about how successful and how much my nephews and other relatives were or were going to be or how well they enjoyed life. Whenever I get sad being around them, I like to drink. All I had was wine, so I drank 2 bottles myself. Luckily I made it back downstairs before I threw up and went to sleep. Luckily, I didn't make to big a fool out of myself. I suppose people who so enjoy life and are so successful need losers like me to make them feel even better about themselves.

I absolutely hate large parties and crowds and I so envy my nephew for being so outgoing and so capable of living life to the fullest. As much as I would love to, I just can't. I rarely leave my parents basement. I am so fearful of people and fearful of rejection. I used to, and probably still do, feel that people will only be my friends if I can buy them stuff. I used to feel the only time I was happy was when I bought myself things, but it would only last a few days.

I have never dated or had a girl as a friend. At my age and for me, sex is really irrelevant. I would gladly accept just to have somebody love me. I would just love to be able to hold a woman close to me. I no longer care if I ever have sex in this lifetime.

I have basically no personality and it seems that I always say inappropriate things or stupid things around people. It is very hard for people to be my friend, because I always drive them away by doing or saying stupid things. I have never accepted that anyone would want to be my friend, perhaps because if I were them, I wouldn't want to be my friend.

socialdis socialdis 41-45, M 55 Responses Nov 29, 2009

Your Response


I'm 19 and a pretty big loser. I'm paranoid and socially anxious, but to mask it, I talked condescendingly to all of former friends after getting out of the psych hospital for a year, which resulted in me not only having no friends, but being hated by almost everyone in this small suburban town. I have to wear sweaters in the hot summer, or flannels, so I either look like an idiot walking around dripping in sweat being overclothed, or be judged by these dumb scars I made when I was 16. I experimented with a lot of drugs after the hospital, one that I had a allergic reaction to, permanently swelling my face asymetrically. I used to be happy and outgoing as a teenager but made so many mistakes that I didn't realize then that would have such permanent, horrible, and irreversible consequences, each one serving as a constant reminder of what happens when you make mistakes and do bad things. I was pretty good looking before that allergic reaction but now I just look mentally challenged, making my anxiety even worse. I barely ever leave the house, when I do it's a walk around a few block very late at night. It tears me apart inside, all of these horrible things I've done, I barely scratched the surface here. We're close to being evicted ( I live in the projects with my mom and 7 other kids) because my dad left when I was 16 and doesn't pay child support, he's either homeless or dead somewhere, my mom doesn't work, and I'm jobless. I take steps pushing forward, but every outing I have, there's someone that crushes my esteem, and I can't blame them because I judged people before I was disfigured. Dont do drugs, and think before you do things!

Add a response...

i am 28, unemployed and living with my parents. Each day i feel what you are feeling. Don't have friends, hate going out. yup i too have good going nephews who are doing great in their life.

I have cousins who are succsessful, even my brother is more successful socially.

Mirrors my life, I read some comments and I think I am not the only one who experience this. I think the best thing to do is have strong faith in God and prayers

I'm feeling the same lately.. I'm now over 40 years old and I'm feeling very old, fat and ugly and my age is starting to show. I am a single parent with 2 kids. I have a job but it's not a real job. I'm surrounded by very intelligent friends like managers, lawyers and bussines owners and my job is a big lie cause I rather no one know where I get my income. I feel so guilty though but I figure it supports my family so if I stop we will lose everything. I haven't been in a date in over 3 years or been with a man in 4 years. I just feel I have nothing to offer anyone so I stay home and cry. I'm depressed but I try and hide it from my kids. I've tried to do things to feel relavent or make a difference but I fail as usual cause I'm not very smart. I can't seem to lose any weight no matter what I do so I continue to get fat, old and ugly..but who cares right? I work from home anyway and only my kids see me. I lie to my friends about whom I really am cause I'm
Embarrassed. I don't even deserve my kids.. I'm lucky to have them; they're too good for me. I use to be young, thin and pretty and felt accomplished and had a real job until they fired me then I could never find anything so I do what I do now which is basically nothing. The only reason I continue living is for my kids cause they woukd have no one if I died. But I wonder at times if they would be better off without me. It would be so easy to end it all but I just can't hurt them that way I guess. I am a total lieing loser that old fat and ugly and stupid and delusional. I'm glad I found this post so I can finally tell the truth about how I feel.

you have a lot to live have two wonderful children...i don't have anybody, and older than you..keep your head up.. try walking to get some exercise, it's good thinking time..

Hi howie,

Thanks for responding.. Sort of supposed that you did. I didn't think anyone would. I Reread whst I said and I think I sounded a lot worse than what it really is. I was having a VERY BAD day to say the least.

I have been working with a non profit to bring awareness to something I'm passionate about and the letters I wrote apparently weren't good enough. A family member pretty much ripped into my letter and it left me really surprised cause I was expecting support and praise, however got the opposite.

As far as my job goes, I had a great one however I was let go due to my son having mental illness and I couldn't work the late hours they needed me cause I'm a single mother and they needed me. Now I work from home and care for my son instead, I suppose it's for the best for now.

I am excercising at home cause I purchased an elliptical and use it every other day just not seeing the best results I like to see. My mother says I'm just too hard on myself.. It's hard to lose weight as we get older. It use to be so easy but I suppose that's just a part of getting older.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for I just need to get more involved I think so I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself.. It's really not me.

Anyway, thanks again for your nice response. How are you feeling today? Why don't you have anybody?

I haven't heard back from you howie. How are you doing? Hope everything is ok with you. :)

oh pretty good, with the weather turning, my mood is a little better. where do you live?

1 More Response

I can relate, I am 47 and it seems everything I have done in life has been one disaster after another, I have felt at times like I am cursed, my parents were gone by the time I was 26, my immediate family is not close at all, I have had jobs I liked then they would go south and have to start over again, I was at my one job for 8 1/2 years, got great reviews and loved doing it, I felt like this would be the job I would stay with, and I was not wealthy doing it, but I could see myself staying the long haul, I was laid off in July, and trying to find something else has been going nowhere.

I have never had anything go my way ever, and if it does it always goes bad not soon after, I would tell my sister I was cursed and she would give me the suck it up speech, but after this latest round when I said I must be cursed she stayed silent, like she finally was thinking "Yeah I think you might be right".

I am single, never had a girlfriend, fought a weight problem all my life, and kinda of a social pariah it seems even though I am always nice to people and helpful when I can.Last few months have sent me in such a spiral I had to go to counseling and start taking anti-depressants,so yeah I seem to have a permanent ticket on the loser train with my stop never coming up.

I too am 47, and pretty much been an underachiever my whole life. For me, it's just I don't care. I want to be free. I never had a "real" job, I am an accounts receivable specialist - which you don't need a college degree for, and I did go to college. Many moons ago. Don't know why I went. I barely passed through. I cringe when someone asks me "what do you do for a living". It makes me very uncomfortable, as people my age have professional careers - lawyers, doctors, dentists, own a business, in upper mgmt etc.. I try to BS my way about explaining what I do, which I hate. I have lived in the same apt for 20 yrs. All my friends have houses. I just can't get motivated enough to do better. Never had a GF, I also cringe when I'm asked about my personal life. My Dad passed away in January, and I dreaded seeing my "over" achieving cousins. I enjoy my freedom, and I don't have many bills. I don't want to take work home with me, as most "professionals" have to do. Screw that. Is there something wrong with that? I really do want to meet a lady, but I'm ashamed I have a piddly job and don't own anything. The only ones I feel like I will meet are ugly and 250 lbs. Thank goodness for this support group. Lets keep it going. I have seasonal depression and this bitter cold in the Midwest has not helped at all.

I can relater to your situation somewhat. I am 33 and yes my life doesn't really feel like it is moving much. I like to think I am a late bloomer. I always feel like the family loser, but I keep hoping that my efforts will one day pay off and I will finally make something of myself. By the way, from your writing, I can gather that you are NOT stupid at all. By the way, my friend's father never finished high school and he has his own business and makes a good living.

Im 23 and i feel like this :/ pll who say pull urself up..its hard with a mental condition.

I'm in Houston and I'd like to meet you.

look man i feel the same way 100 percent and i love to do something about it so who is with me to make our lifes worth living and to support each other and to be the winners for once

Thank you so much for all the sharing. I just got 26 last april. I was able to land a number of descent job but always find a way to mess it up. Now, I have come to a point of despair and depression, but after seeing some of the points and elightenment here in some of your sharing, I think I have found my center again and ready to face the upcoming tomorrow with great motivation. May we all find success and satisfaction in our lives sooner.

Add a response...

You're obviously not stupid. You express yourself quite well. Is there a chance you may have Asberger's Syndrome (which is a neurological difference and NOT a mental disorder)?

I feel the same you do. I'm a 44 year old loser that doesn't have a good job. I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own. I have never had problems picking up girls because I have been told I'm a good looking guy. The problem that I'm having is that my life has been utter disaster for the last 20 years. I have a part time job but all of my coworkers think I have a full time job somewhere else. I can't take the lies anymore. I have been drinking a lot , and I have been getting into trouble every time I go out. I'd rather not get into it, but it just seems I'm getting blackout drunk. I have always been a good fighter but last weekend I actually backed out of a fight. I was scared for the first time b.c I had no friends by my side. I just hope my life gets better but I have been hoping and praying my life will turn around for quite some time now. I know how you feel and I hope your life is a lot better

To be honest, you don't come across as intellectually retarded. That's your low self-esteem talking. Since you wrote this 4 years ago, how are you doing now? An update would be great...

Get off your razz and do something about it!

Dumb reply

I am 44 years old and I have turned my life around from age 42. From 25 to 42 years old, I was a compulsive gambler and a womanizer. When I say Womanizer, I meant that I engaged in the services of Prostitutes as I have never been in love. Anyway, to make a long story short, I realize that my life was not going anywhere until I tried to commit suicide. I slit my wrist and and took sleeping pills hoping not to wake up again. It so turns out that I work up in the hospital with bandages on both wrist. My uncle saved my life because I live with his family. two days later I was referred to a therapist who began a series of steps to rejuvenate my pathetic life. I had constant therapies for the next five months that really turned my life around. I had an unhappy childhood and my parents were junkies. I was adopted by my uncle and his family who became verbally abusive whilst growing up. I dropped out of school and starting working at the local Hardware. From then on, I could n`t keep a job because I was always arguing with other employees or I would not show up to work at all. I became addicted to gambling which turned me into a loser. Somehow, I would make a hustle fulling up fire extinguishers on the side and would sell safety items to Mexican contractors. Well, after my therapies for my addiction, I turned my life around and moved out of my uncle`s house and into a decent apartment. I Started making money selling safety items to the same Mexican Contractors who recommended me to others and my life started getting better. I now own a hardware business selling Chinese made safety items, tools etc.. at affordable prices. Two years later, I am worth over a million and I have a girlfriend who is 26 years old. It is much easier to make sacrifices and turn your life around. Do not feel sorry for your self, just go out there with a positive mind and just do it.

Damn! Your life is some ****!!!! mine isn't much better though, trust me I KNOW how you feel....... smh

OMG, I am 52, well soon, on December 2nd and, you know what, no one will bother to send greetings or anything... I believe my Mom didn't want me in the first place and I felt it. So, I've always felt I wasn't wanted, desired, hoped for. When I came along, I was in excess of what was expected or needed or wanted. All my life, I have struggled to fit in to be ok with the people I HAD to interact with. Now, all I want is to disappear from view, move to an island where people like me would congregate, so we could share our feelings of being outsiders, where we could commiserate about being misfits... I love Rudolf the Reindeer so much because of the Misfit Island where all the toys whiche were not made to order gathered... that is my haven, a place where I could just be my misfit self... my honest to goodness self,

I, also, am a December 2nd Birthday....and I laugh because the Misfit Toys analogy is one I use, as well. I'm 50 and am unemployed (mostly) for about 2 1/2 years since being laid-off from my job. I am single...of course...and have to get financial support from my Mother to pay my mortgage....yes my 76 yo Mother! How pathetic am I!!!! Anyway this post is several months old, but I just wanted to commiserate with you. Take care.

You live in your families basement. Is that house paid for?

Who will it be left too? Follow me on this. My uncle lived in his mothers house until she died and he inherited the house. You might not necessarily have to move you could possibly take over that house, or through them get a house of your own. How did they get that house? Once you become head of a household(where ever that might be) the doors will open for more opportunity. See, you can then get aid, such as health care for free. I had some computer training growing up, but much of it was self taught with help from strangers that were willing to listen to me. Also I got a lot of free books from the library and even on Amazon through there Kindle app. Don't worry about not having friends, most adults only have one best friend and one great family member that they can confide in, so don't let these social freaks fool you. Most of them are ******. Loose the weight, without good health you can not become successful. Successful people work within their means, and they don't abuse themselves through self medication or alcohol abuse. Donald Trump doesn't do drugs and does not drink alcohol.
Look into grants for school. Now bare in mind that free grants such as PHEAA usually only cover the first two years and not a full four year program, but the loans can cover that and with good grades you can get assistance to get a bachelors after you get your associates(yes get both)

Remember there's a difference between a loser and someone in hard times. Right now your simply going through a hard time, but you are far from being a loser, you just have to make some hard choices and change some of your bad habits. Right now you are not suffering a disease or debilitating disorder. Good health will help if you ever do but right now you don't have any health problems, and your not a drug addict or alcoholic. Loose that weight and ask for help. Arrogant people fail in life, humble people succeed. You took the first step with this blog, now take it a step further. Keep writing, work out, learn about your housing situation. Use what's right in front of you and you will be successful.

Hey man - I ran across your blog because I'm a loser too, looking for a support group for losers. So I share some elements of your life, but not all of them. Basically my love life to me is a failure because I'm 47 and have no relationships or children to show for myself, even though I have been married (now divorced for 18 years). My career life is a little better. I moved out of my parents house at 23. I earned and MBA and CPA and got some well-paying jobs. I was able to stay on some of my early jobs for a long time , but then I moved to TX and had a lot of trouble with jobs.

If you're 36, you still have the opportunity to turn it around. First, you've got to get a college degree and learn a trade that has demand. Second, you've got to get out of your parents house and gain some independence, before your parents get too old or die. Third, you have to join a community of people where you can contribute and get support. For me, it was photography and and modeling. I met a lot of beautiful women as a photographer and some of them hung out with me when under normal circumstances they wouldn't give me the time of day.

But here's the bright side of what you have told us:
*You're trying to lose weight. Keep it up and get help.
* You drink wine - go to wine tasting events and even offer to volunteer.
* If you're too scared to ask a girl for date (I'm petrified of it), change your thought process to "inviting" them to something you know they would like. And don't make it a date - just tell them to meet you there. For instance, if you meet a girl a wine-tasting event, invite her to another wine-tasting event and just have her meet you there. If it's better for you to go together, fine. There's your "date". Sex happens when you invite the girl to your place for wine and a home movie. But that's later.

* Finally, find some people that you can "laugh" with. If you're afraid to talk to people because you're afraid of saying something stupid, then dont talk - laugh. Smile often and learn something funny by watching comedians. Get a pet. People love to hear about your pets. ( there is a lady at work I just put in stitches every time I talk about my two cats).

Take care of yourself! Hope to hear back from you again.

I'm learning to improve my life by taking tiny little baby steps. Easy for some people here to give you gratuitous advice like "get out more" or "get a f**king job!" All I can say is that at some point I was so sick and tired of being broke and lonely I took the first few tentative steps. It worked for me ... might work for you.

Here, this should make you feel better... I am a 48 year old unemployed, (I have not had a permanent job in 11 years) virgin (kissed a girl (who felt sorry for me) once in my life.)
Now, here is where we differ. I have a college degree and that should not help you to hear that because, here I am, unemployed for the last 11 years (no job, at all, for over a year!) and, yet, I am jobless. But, I have lived in the same studio apartment for the past 20 years; because of the 11 years I worked and because my parents would prefer that I don't live in their basement and because they have helped me out. I see that you are a loser, like me, because you have the ability to do something about it and you choose not to. Also, you have a car. I have never had a car! So, when I look for jobs I have eliminated areas that are outside of public transportation.
So, in summation, this is my story. I am a loser like yourself but I am freakin’ almost 50. You are 36. I am 12 years older than you….GET THE $#@%^$# OUT OF YOUR PARENTS' BASEMENT, GET INTO YOUR CAR THAT I NEVER HAD AND GET A @#$%$#@'ING JOB!!!!
Just remember that whenever the thought enters your mind that there is nobody on the planet that is worse than you, along comes someone to prove you me!!!!

Wow seriously I was feeling like a loser but you have the pity party by the ***!! Get out and meet some people. Try to v
Connect to your nephew that seems so happy and figure out what he is doing that makes him seem so successful. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. I am sure you have many supporters and friends but you need to learn how to embrace them. Apparently this site is not foe me!!!

Seriously? -_-

all this talk people reply with about being unique. not helpful. i'd luve to be like others and carefree and not have syxh high standards and not worry. being "unique" is a curse.

iam a 37 yo unemployed virgin. still live at home . not very social at all. drinker.has some friends who have better lives than I. some of em can only summon interest to text me after i have text them.
my life seems to mirror yours.

You're very literate for someone supposedly so stupid. Maybe you're better than you think.

You are not a loser. Or yes, because you are quite sure about it.
I´m just the opposite. People say I´m pretty ( which I don´t think so ), got a stressful but nice job. And I can´t stop feeling empty. Life is not what people think you are, but what you really are. I´m sure I would enjoy much more a conversation with you than with all this fancy-posh people made of appearances and full of ****. Just go step by step, and love yourself more than anything in this world, you may have good friends or family but the only one able to sort everything out is you. Good luck and greetings from Germany.

Wow sir u shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Being diffrent doesn't make u stupid or bad. You'll find what your looking for and what u need to do will happen. If u need ears ill listen to u.

Sounds to me like you should see a doctor and discuss what can be done about your depression. Then maybe you can talk to a local pastor about how much god can help you if you reach out to him. Once you build your confidence with true love and understanding. You can work on fixing yourself. Stop worrying aboit how well others are achieving there goals and start setting your own goals. We have set reasonable and even small goals to achieve them . Do these things and you will feel the difference. God be with you. I will pray for you to be strong. Just remember you are not a loser and the only one you have to prove it to is you.

Have you ever heard of the idea of a "concept driven reality"? CDR is a process in which you get into a repetitive cycle of proving yourself right about something, behaving consistent with that, and then getting results that flow from that behavior, when reinforces the concept, which reinforces the behavior, which produces results, which reinforces the concept, which reinforces the behavior, which produces results, which reinforces the concept............

Are we getting bored yet? GOOD. Forget about being a loser or not being a loser. You are not ready for that yet. You need to just focus on mustering the courage to stop PROVING yourself right about being a loser. If you can just do that -- just that and nothing else -- and it has no impact on your life, I'll kiss your *** and give you 20 minutes to draw a crowd.

I have the same problem, I can relate. The only difference with me is I am a college graduate whose field of study dropped out when the economy began to crumble. Now I'm in a world of debt with no way out working a dead end job that will take me more than 50 years to pay off my school loans. The only friend I ever had deserted me long ago, and when I'm feeling down, all I can do is look in the mirror seeing a face who will face the world alone for the rest of his life.

look don't mean to sound so harsh, you only get out of life what you put in it.

First if I was you I would find job you like even if it is low salary do it part time, go to college and find a course in it.

After you have at least 4 months of salary then find somewhere cheap to live first near where you work then when you have finished your college degree you would also have some experiance in that field you can then look for a better job with a good salary and when you have another 4 months salary then look for another place to live somewhere nice.

Now for friends while you are still at your parents, first have a barbarcue and some food for the veggies and vegans at your parents invite the neighbours chat to them. Watch how they talk to each other then after a while thank them for coming and ask how they r doing if they ask the same to you just say first time doing this so scared that it would be rubbish. Just don't talk to much and keep the talk light and flowing. Mainly listen to the other person and a couple times ask them a question go around to everyone and do the same then afterwards when the party dies down or finish then thank everyone and invite them again to the next month barbacue.

Or you can join a club in something you like or interested in and same ask a fe question about the hobbie and when rhey joined the club but mainly just have fun.

I am stupid also

your story kinda shed some tears on me. no matter what, you're a unique individual. you're nos suppose to be like anyone else. we're only shameful and embarrassed with our own lives because of society. in the end, we're all flesh, and in need of love, food, and shelter. we're all still searching for ourselves.

I empathize with your situation. Like you I come to depend on my family for things and at my age, I am far from independent. My circle of friends shrink as the years go by and loneliness will cause a person to go crazy just as much as anything else. I for one don't believe you lack a personality or that your questionable snippets that drive people away or find offensive, is truly a part of you. I believe your situation has made it such, where your nervousness about people judging you makes you say things that you don't really mean or think about. It's hard to be happy for people when deep down inside, you have so much envy. You are not alone, nor are you a bad person for being jealous. It's human to be jealous and envious, especially when reality hasn't thrown you a bone to chew in a long time - or ever. What can I say that will help you? Probably nothing, but realize that you are not alone with your pain, and that there are others across this vast world, through the wonders of technology, that know of your situation and wish you well. One thing is for certain, you must find a way to make friends. Nobody can survive on their own. Even if it's only on the internet, somebody is better than nobody. Take care.

I confess it made me sad to read your story. I hope your life improves and some happiness comes your way.

I agree with those who say take baby steps in solving your problems. At lease you have identified some of those problems. I am wishing you luck on facing some of these challenges.

Hello... in regards to your post considering being a true loser…with an attitude like that, you will not give yourself a chance to grow in any area in your life. I know this because, I too, mentally bash myself all day long. <br />
<br />
When I am constantly in, "self," meaning, the only thing I do all day long is tell myself what a piece of crap I am, how am I going to ever see a way out of the long, dark tunnel that I am in?? When I clear my head, or in other words, simply not think, and just be in the moment, I have a sense of peace. With a sense of peace, I can start taking actions to make myself feel better.<br />
<br />
To feel better, that terrible, NEGATIVE, useless, self talk must quiet down. Because, just like you, I am a person that is worth something, and if I start taking a few actions to improve the quality of my life, I start to feel better.<br />
<br />
You are working on losing weight...GOOD FOR YOU!!! Keep at it, I promise you this... when we lose weight, and exercise, it is a sure fire way to build esteem!!<br />
<br />
I understand the family jealousy toward successful, happy relatives. TRUST ME... I live in that world as well. I also get the fact that you say that you are not smart. I know that I am not especially dealing with a full deck of cards myself!! BUT...there are plenty of wonderful qualities about myself as well. I know that you must possess some wonderful qualities as well:)<br />
<br />
Sometimes, people like us who have not especially had good, positive life experiences can give us a genuine apathy toward other peoples pain. If you can somehow get yourself to stop isolating, and actually talk with people, you may find that you have fantastic listeneng skills, and others will be drawn to you because they know you are a very understanding, non judgmental person to come to with difficulties they are having.<br />
<br />
Please stop beating yourself up. You are young enough to turn your life around. Take some baby steps, and try to come out of that ba<x>sement, and force yourself to be more social, and hopefully in time, you will enjoy being with others.<br />
<br />
Just get out there, and you may find that you are WAY SMARTER THAN YOU THINK!!!

I have to say that all of this positive reinforcement bullshit. None of this "think positive" advice is going to help our loser friend. "Just get out there"? What the hell does that mean?

My advice: accept that you suck, you failed, you are loser. Posting your little summary on this website tells me that you already have this mindset. That's good. Now, you already know why you are a loser, and at this point in your life do you really think that any of those reasons will change? A few years from now will you be wealthy and surrounded by beautiful friends? It's possible, but not likely. So forget about all that. There's so much more in the world to put your energy into. Don't even bother with trying to be social and have girlfriends. It hasn't happened so move on. Put your energy into hobbies, jobs, volunteering, whatever. Let yourself be absorbed in something outside of yourself. And if you don't want to do anything and would rather stare at screens all day, fine. Accept that you failed and have given up on being a "normal" person, whatever that might mean to you. You'll feel much better knowing your place. Just keep working, even if you have to clean toilets. Staying employed and contributing to society is all that I ask from you, fellow loser.

Well, one thing you're definately wrong at - you do have personality. It reads through your post (and I don't mean any pin here).

I am 44 and I have two masters degrees and several Microsoft certs. However, I have gone through many many jobs. My wife supports me and of course, unemployment. My friend, I am sorry to hear of your situation. It seems that you have really got some hard knocks. Some of the other people in this post are dead-on. The great thing about starting from 0 is that you got nothing to lose. Any accomplishment is progress. Start slow and make some baby steps in terms of making friends and such. Animals are wonderful and love unconditionally. They help us realize that we are lovable.

You know what to do, you just can't bring yourself to do it. Start small, maybe 5-10 minutes a day and workout, walk around the block, or educate yourself in some manner (TED talk, free online courses, learn a language). Just do something productive so when you go to bed you can feel a sense of accomplishment. Gradually up the time or the number of things you're doing a day. <br />
<br />
And no matter what, it's ok to be who you are. It's ok to be a virgin, live in your mom's ba<x>sement, or not have a job. It's ok to be just what you are today. If you're something different tomorrow then it's ok to be just that. There are no winners or losers in life, there is just life. Take it day by day and stay positive.

I am a 50 year old man....never any children. Worked a countless list of "temp to<br />
Perm" jobs that never went "perm". I was smart....self-taught.... I went some to<br />
trade school, but I never lasted. I don't have what it takes to learn if it is not<br />
specifically used for the job. I can do most any job without schooling. But<br />
employers don't see it that way. So I haven't worked since 1997. My wife told<br />
me not to worry....she made enough to take care of us both. So I stayed home and<br />
worked around the house and farm. My weight ballooned job skills deteriorated.<br />
Now after 20 years my wife suddenly became fanatically religious. She right away <br />
started disrespecting me, because I wasn't. Things have gotten so bad..... I just <br />
want her to leave. Even though I am completely dependant on her......I still want <br />
her to leave. Her new thoughts and lifestyle are driving me crazy. I am afraid of <br />
what she will do next. She uses bible phrases against me. She chooses parts of<br />
the bible that suit her.....but she won't follow the parts that don't support her causes.<br />
(I always thought you were to accept the bible as a whole).<br />
I am a completely broken man. I cry most days. I don't have any but one friend.<br />
And he really doesn't want to hear my troubles.<br />
(I always wanted lots of friends, but people made me an outcast or just ignored me).<br />
<br />
<br />
I feel like dying. I only want my real wife back. Not the self-rightious fake I am <br />
with now.

Sounds tough my friend. I would have to say that an overly righteous, religious, person is next to impossible to deal with since you can't have a "Normal" conversation with them. I wish you well.

Awww. I am so sorry things went so bad for you. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Teddy, you are not broken ... your wife is. I am sure you are a good man, a decent fellow, someone who has fallen on hard times. I realize she is supporting you, but you might want to consider leaving her if you can - is there any place you can escape to?

hey man youre not alone. i'm male, pushing 40 and still a virgin. remember, there'll be no winners if not for us losers. try looking up "george costanza", you'll feel better.

I'm 24, can't find a job in this economy, and live in my dad's dining room. I have a car, but it's 28 years old, and it has a few problems, so I'm afraid to really drive it, and only use it when I really need it. The battery is dead, the tires are old, cracked, and balding, it burns oil, etc. I'm also hopelessly single, and can't seem to find a girlfriend either. I have about 6 different profiles on free dating sites, but I just get ignored and rejected. I used to go out more to try and meet people, but it seems to be a hopeless cause. I'm intelligent, creative, interesting, fun, good at conversation, (my friends and family agree) but girls don't want to hang out with me or date me. I'm lonely and depressed everyday. I stay up all night and sleep all day. I've lost self-control and motivation. I overeat and get fat, then starve myself to lose weight again. I stopped going out, because I have nobody to hang out with, and I get even more depressed, wandering around alone, and seeing happy couples holding hands and kissing everywhere, except me. I tried getting a job for over two years, and even though I can build and fix computers, I didn't even get called back by McDonald's. Stupid people who don't know that we're in a ******* recession, try telling me I'm not trying hard enough. I hate that. I have a list of places I applied at, that's about 4 pages long. I just can't seem to get ahead in life, no matter what I do. My fear is that I'm going to be 25... 26... 30... 35... 45... and still be single and living in my dad's dining room... still having to wait until 3am to jerk off to pictures of girls who don't want anything to do with me. Sometimes I get really depressed and lash out at innocent people, then feel bad about it later. I can do a pretty good job of getting my mood back up, but I'm still lonely and frustrated with life.

Im a 38 year old man, and I have failed in every aspect of my life..I have hurt everyone ive ever known. I have struggled my entire life. Even in grade school I failed to complete anything. Ive had and Lost 68 different jo. atlast count most were held less than 30 days. the longest, 18 months. I have been unemployed for 2 & 1/2 years... Ive been in a very toxic relationship with a woman for 20 years. The last 15 have been void of love and intimacy. in my 20's I was a handsome,energetic and charismatic young man. I am now drowning in self loathing. I have three children who mostcertainly would be better off without my influence. Fortunately they have thrived and all excell in academics..I have no social life, and honestly could not call a single person freind. I have no one to relate to. I often wonder what seperates me from others of equal intellect , who have found success and satisfaction in this life.... I have always felt engulfed by a dark cloud. These days I no longer think of reasons to end my own life, However I find it a daily challenge to think of reasons not to....(sorry for obvious spelling errors..I am txting this post)

Hello there,<br />
Listen fellow, you have more on the ball than I do in some ways. I turn 50 years old in just a few weeks and I have basically nothing to show for my years of existence on this planet. Been divorced three times, unemployed, only some college, no real solid employment skills to offer society, living on unemployment which is almost gone, 50 pounds overweight, extremely poor social skills, no real friends to speak of, preparing for homelessness soon and just plained burned out of life altogether.<br />
<br />
My friend, hang in there, have faith and pursue your dreams. It could be worse, much worse, you could be me.

Dude, your life sux right now (and maybe always has), but you're in your mid 30's and can change everything that is wrong or bothering you. Firstly, I would suggest a hooker; (and no - I'm not joking). Once you get that feeling (the PHYSICAL feeling) of holding a naked girl and performing all those delicious acts associated with a woman, you will then get that burning desire to do it on your own. It's the proverbial snowball effect. You'll like that feeling, then you will lose the weight, then you will go and get a minimum wage job, then pay $1000 for a specialized course (in maybe automotive mechanics, air conditioning/refrigeration/nursing, WHATEVER turns you on). Then you will have enough knowledge to get a real job, earn some good dough, meet some people at your new job and then get fall in love and live happily ever after. BUT - it will take about 2 years from point 1 to final point. START NOW. Good luck


Socaldis, this post helped me. I did a search for 42 year old loser support group and this page came up first in Google. It is really something to come up first on google. Not looser territory. After reading your first post I sympathized then after reading your second and reading zorbas response I found it really helpful. I am not a loser. I feel like a loser. I could make some changes. I will make some changes. When I was younger I could end up in the most difficult situations and pull myself out of it in no time (ex. hopped on a Greyhound from the southern sticks to L.A., homeless and broke and had a job and a place within weeks) Now that I am older I am finding that in years I am not able to pull myself out of it within years. What happened? I am not looking for pity and I am not saying that you necessarily are. I ended up homeless in Cal for a year (sleeping in my car) had to move to Texas(that's worse than any possible situation you could be living in, or any other human being for that matter. There's nothing worse than living in Texas) ostensibly to help my elderly parents but really just to be able to sleep indoors. I tell myself that it was a recession, that nobody wanted to hire me because I was old, etc. etc. but in my heart I know that I could have pulled myself out of it if I was younger. What the hell happened? As tough as it is I do take responsibility. But I really enjoy this page.<br />

Best wishes Socialdis. I believe lazy is usually an unhelpful accusation as it is often fear or exhaustion that holds us into a position that appears as lazy. Accusations of laziness or the other common accusation of hopeless from ourselves or onlookers, often brings us lower instead of uplifted to move forward again. <br />
<br />
You've said you don't like working with others Socialdis and you've acknowledged that you don't have the confidence in your work. Kerikbk, I think you've got it with the perfectionist angle. I've held myself back in a similar way. Was considered 'successful' previously then fell into a similar position of not working and appearing lazy. It'd be nice if we could all just step up once we recognise our faults but sometimes it takes time to work on the underlying cause and accept that we're still ok when we're not able to accept and appreciate our own imperfect perfection.

You're not stupid , your smart living off of others using your self deprecation as cover for what you really are. You write and express yourself much to eloquently here for anyone to consider you stupid. Although you reek with self pity I also think that is contrived as well.. <br />
<br />
The game you are playing is easily correctable and you know it full well. This charade is merely easier to play at than to work on your life itself and obviously it fools your mom and family . However to come here and try to evoke sympathy may be a step beyond your capabilities.<br />
<br />
I personally don't believe that a mentally capable, healthy human being with a ounce of ambition can ever be a loser if and when they apply themselves. I have hired handicapped individuals with horrendous physical and mental problems that have never sounded as full of self pity as you. They have real problems yours are self motivated and self inflicted.<br />
<br />
Stupid not by a long shot . Lazy and indolent most assuredly.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
There is no such thing as a loser, by my estimation just lpeople who prefer to laze their ways through life palying at a woe is me game.

Social, something occurred to me to share. You say your mom is in denial about how stupid you are. She certainly isn't in denial about how much she loves you. Consider this: how you feel and think about yourself is having an impact on her--your lack of friends, your health, your lack of relationships, lack of money. If you're still in her home, then she has the patience of a saint.<br />
<br />
Sometimes in our sorrow, we forget that so many people are making a difference in our lives. Don't forget Mom.

Thanks for your comments. I do appreciate them. Just because I can write well and read books does not necessarily mean I am smart. I'm sure I do put myself down way to much. But when I compare myself to my mother, she is smart and I just feel stupid. I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with my memory. I never did well in school but for the most part, I blame that on my hating school so much that I never tried to do the work that I should have.<br />
<br />
But I never finished high school and I would never want to go to college. Yes, people say college is way different than high school but people also told me high school students were more mature than Junior High. They weren't.<br />
<br />
Another serious problem that I have is being lazy. I DO NOT LIKE WORKING, especially if it is with other people. However, I hope to spend the next few months attempting to lose over 100lbs and maybe then I can do something about me being a lazy POS. <br />
<br />
The last time I had a "real" job working with people was when I was 21 or 22. I was doing work with marble and granite for a few months until I didn't show up. It wasn't because I hated working, but because I had no confidence in the work I was doing. <br />
<br />
I just do not like working with people or where I am constantly monitored. And yet, I feel I need to be instructed exactly what is needed to be done.<br />
<br />
But I figure 1 task at a time, first losing weight and getting in much better shape, and then I will worry about the job.

I feel for you, my friend. We are alike in so many ways. Like kerikbk, I can see you're very intelligent, which is an asset nowadays, since "smart" is the new "sexy". Heck, when I was in High School, smart kids were torn apart. Jocks were cool, Bullies, Goths, Punks, even the Heavy Metal crowd were cool, but not smart kids. Not anymore. I don't know how long it's gonna last, so we have to ride the wave as far as it takes us. Think about it. <br />
<br />
Also, I don't think you're anti-social. Must be some kind of social phobia. Me, I have APD. That's Avoidant personality Disorder. Google it and see if it matches your case. I'm pretty sure it does. As for friends, don't try to make them. Don't force it. Let them come to you and work from there. I suggest your priority would be to get a job and have a steady income again, however smaller than the last one it may be, but these are trying times and beggars can't be choosers. Once you get it, you go out there, give 210%, be the best you can be and then surpass it. Can't ride the car to work? Public transportation. Think of the gas money you save. Can't get a full-time job? Get two part-times. Time is something you do have.<br />
<br />
And when you do get a source of income, talk to your parents, and offer to help in the house's expenses. «I wanna contribute, since I live here and all.». They won't take it, probably, but the act alone will make you a winner in their eyes. The rest of the family will follow. <br />
<br />
Now go get 'em.

Yeah, right. You are really stupid. Your emotions are expressed so intelligently in your post. Your punctuation and grammar are perfect. You do not look that heavy in your photo. I think you are just way too self conscious, perhaps a perfectionist. Just because you did not finish high school does not make you stupid. Lots of high school drop-outs have gone on to do very great things. Many adults are back home living with parents. It is not you. It is a sign of the times.<br />
<br />
Ask yourself what you like. What makes you happy. Then do it. <br />
<br />
And, BTW, sexual intercourse is over-rated. You are on the right track with just wanting to be held and loved. That is what love is all about. Mental attraction and connections.<br />
<br />