It Hurts To Know Your Alone

today another journey begins. i've always been a loser. and my life isn't going anywhere. it hurts to know that in a desperate situation your'e all alone. people put me down all the time. they treat me like crap because that's what i am. i forgot how to defend myself. i won't speak up for myself. i have no reason to. i'm a disappointment to everyone around me. i'm just in the way. maybe i shouldn't be here anymore. i keep all of my feelings inside. because nobody cares nothing about what i have to say anyway. the time is 2:59pm. monday. march 15-2010. i'm just some dumb guy who can't make it in life. it hurts you know. i'm going to die this way. my family wouldn't miss me. i don't have any friends. i gave up on my hope and dreams a long time ago. i'm use to being treated like crap.

i don't know anything else. maybe i should go back to being homeless. my mom says she wishes i was never born. and that i'm just a disappointment. maybe i am. i can never get anything right. i remember my mom would go grocery shopping and would n't feed me. all i was allowed to have was chips or cookies. if i got into trouble. she would handcuff me to the door standing up. for hours at a time. her boyfriend would beat me and brake my toys. now that i'm grown. not a whole lot has changed. i'm still a loser. my girlfriend gets mad and treats me like a kid. she talks down to me. we use to argue really bad. and she would spit in my face. i admit. i should not have cheated on her. but did i deserve for her to spit in my face? maybe i did. i remember she told me that she would rather me spit in her face than cheat on her. so she's basically saying that spitting in someone's face isn't the lowest form of disrespect. i think it is. but who cares what i think. i'm just stupid. she is always mad at me. she makes me feel like a kid. like i'm incapable of doing anything right.

another day.

daveloser2727 daveloser2727
31-35, M
4 Responses Mar 15, 2010

as i always say... this won't feed bread, i mean i have the exact same problem as dave, but i have a loving parents and this is what kills me more, i cant show how much im hurt in front of them coz i dont want to hurt them... so im trapped between inside me and out side me...<br />
couple of weeks ago i started my new work, its killing me even more, there is nothing to do, people around me (by ppl i mean my GF coz she is the only one around) this job is better than sitting home doing nothing...<br />
i have masters and good experience, im 25 years old....<br />
and i have no idea what im doing.. nothing is clear, i tried many things but nothing is working out...<br />
i feel that im a loser and my GF and for the first time said that as well...

You're welcome. Hope your week is going well and you're feeling full of hope for many new and happier moments.

wow. thank you so much for that. i really needed that. thank you.

Dave, there are people here who care what you say and believe you can turn things around to resurrect your hopes and dreams. Anything is possible, even the good stuff.<br />
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You got a rough start and I feel angry knowing how many children are raised without the nourishment and encouragement they need to feel worthy as adults. Then I remember that the people raising them are also lost and just didn't know or choose a better way.<br />
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I think the relationship you've chosen is a reflection of how you felt in childhood. I view it as another chance to change how we react and feel to similar emotions. <br />
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While your mother's been telling you she wishes you weren't born, see if you can not let her wish become your wish also as you can choose a whole different path and different feelings to hers. <br />
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You were born, you are here and you can choose to make the most of the opportunity. It can be worthwhile and feel even more so after the tough stuff. Sometimes it feels like it's too hard to get there but give it a try anyway as there's always the chance it gets better and you get a whole new set of experiences and another perspective.<br />
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Maybe you can set yourself some small daily goals to feel a sense of achievement again. Join some groups of positive interest to you and surround yourself with people who know you're worthy. Do positive things to show yourself your own worth.<br />
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Wishing you a whole bunch of wonderful new experiences and feelings.