A Lifetime Of Learning

I used to be a "crazy" girl.  I've endured quite alot.  During my "dark night of the soul", I was very self destructive and constantly just wanted to be put out of my misery.  I drank alot and had too much sex with too many men (for my standards anyway).  The pain was unbearable and I went through life depressed and moody, angry, tired, anxious, and lonely.  No one could see the real me I hide behind the smiles and fake out funny jokes and self depreciating loathing.  I didn't think much of myself and thought others thought less of me.

I listened to depressing music (like Linkin Park, Korn, and Disturbed).  This fit my mood too much.  I don't know when I finally started to work my way out of my own nightmare.  It could have been the day that I tried to kill my current husband by pulling a gun on him.  More than likely it was when I first started to go to counseling and letting the anger go.  I was like a pressure cooker just waiting to explode.  The pressure began to elivate when I realized that I was going through a lot during this time frame.  I was going through a divorce, my father dying, getting remarried, finding out my new husband was cheating on me, stressful job, not getting along with my in-laws, a rape, a sexual assault and a molestation.  My plate was full and I truy believe that God helped me with my burden by bringing people to me who could help and removing people from my life who I had too much bad history with.

Why I say this is because after the sexual assault, and me confronting the man who did this to me, he worked right next to me and for a year and a half I was freightened of him.  I told him that he came real close to raping me and that because of this I could never trust him.  He cried and three months later, he found a job in another agency and about six months after that I heard he was engaged and was moving to England.  It's crazy how this happened like it was predestined.

I see God working in my life alot and I appreciate his loving care of me and how much I stray and he loves me still!  I am a completely different person and I have people coming into my life to pick my spirits and send me on a path to enlightenment!  Just like I've had people recommend the book  "A Course in Miracles", I knew even heard of this book and when I learned of it I started finding many copies of the book which was an indication to me that someone was directing my life to learn it. 

Another thing, keep track of your dreams.  Before my divorce, I had a dream of me and my then husband on a boat.  At a crossroads in the river one branch went south and the other north.  My ex picked the south fork and I picked the north one.  A couple of months later we separated and he moved back to Texas, south of where I lived in VA.  Meanwhile, I move North to MD, crazy huh?

IntuitiveOne IntuitiveOne
41-45, F
3 Responses Jul 14, 2010

He has actually been helping me with getting Satan off my back and helping me to stop thinking the evil psychotic thoughts that I have. He also allowed me to meet the woman I'm in love with right now. :D Probably the best thing he has done is forgiven me over and over even though I didn't deserve his forgiveness.

Yes, he is. What's he done in your life?<br />
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I'm glad to hear that God helped you. :) God sure is amazing isn't he?