Love Sick

After reading the book Love Sick about a young woman's long journey through love addiction. I am now aware that I too am addicted to love. I could relate to different parts of her story. When she wrote she was attracted to dangerous men not physically dangerous, but emotionally dangerous. And men who were incapable of love. She had sex and love all confused. When she was small her father sexually abused her. I wasn't sexually abused by my father, but now know that my father was incapable of loving. I never felt I was truly loved by my father, but have recently learned that my father was raised with out a father so he never learned how to give love.

  Nine years after getting married, I began looking outside my marriage, but didn't realize at the time that I was addicted to love. But knew there was something missing in my marriage. I could never put my finger on it what it was that was missing. I know now that it was the emotional intimacy. And yet I was looking in all the wrong places for this emotional intimacy. There was not one man who was able to give me the emotionally intimacy that I was desperately missing. All the men that I was attracted to were indeed emotionally dangerous and when I had multiple affairs with these perfect Before I  started having the affairs I had a fantasy of meeting my soul mate, but my fantasy never matched up with reality . I became instantly emotionally involved with them, but all these men were only interested in getting the sexual intimacy. I think maybe I have sex and love all confused just like the woman in the story

I have been sober now for 12 years, but still beat myself up for not recognizing that I had a serious problem. At the time I just couldn't see the forest through the trees. I never wanted to admit to myself that it was an unhealthy pattern. That I wasn't able to stop on my own. I tried going to a 12-step program a few times, but felt so ashamed and guilty for what I had done. I was so afraid of sharing my story with a room full of strangers. I still find myself trying to seek out men, but lied to myself that I am still addicted. I tell myself as long as I am not acting out sexually it isn't an addiction.

  Just to update my story

  I have now joined an on-line SLLA support group. I am starting my journey to being healthy, because what I have learned that addiction is a disease,but one that can be cured with the right kind of treatment. I have posted my first entry and have received several responses. I was too scared and embarrassed to reveal my story to a group of complete strangers when I tried attending a meeting in person.  I kept thinking what would all these people think of me......  
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2 Responses Jul 18, 2010

I didn't see the movie nor read the book, but sadly, when children grow up feeling emotionally isolated, they look to fill that void. Since humans are creatures of habit, we pick people that are familiar to us, and sadly, if what is familiar to us is not positive, we try to work out our childhood through our adult relationships. Hopefully this pattern stops when we realize where we've been, and decide to change a bad pattern, rather looking for people with the character and integrity and respect for themselves and others, which is necessary for any good relationship to have to be healthy. Also, to be sure of the character of the person BEFORE we become intimate, not find out after when we regret it. <br />
There is shame when a person acts and doesn't admit they are wrong. It takes a person of strength to admit to a problem, stop it and be honest about it. Making mistakes makes us human. Only continuing is where the problem is, and it sounds as if you have realized this, and taken responsibility. There's no more anyone can ask, now is there?

I read that book, too, and saw the Lifetime movie of it. I felt like they were describing me. Have you tried discussing with a therapist one-on-one instead of in a 12 step program? I am trying, too, but am having a tough time saying it.